Writing your own vows can be quite a feat. It's like writing a public speaking, poetry and having the deepest conversation of your life all at once. I for one, doubt that Naijarians (that wed in Nigeria, especially), ever write their own wedding vows. I didn't . One thing I know for sure though is; doing it yourself can be really eye-opening, emotional and an extremely memorable experience. So if you're up for the challenge or wanna break some kind of record in Naija, lol...here's the homework you need to do (and the questions you should ask) to make your vows, exactly perfecto.

1. Get Approval

Certain celebrants and houses of worship may require you to recite a specific set of traditional vows. So make sure your ceremony officiant will actually allow personalized vows. Most accomodating officiants, will want to review your words in advance, however.

2. Get Started Early

This cannot be said enough: Don't leave writing your vows until the day before the wedding! Giving them the thought and time they deserve will be impossible, as you'll be too nervous, excited and rattled. Take at least a month, or work on your vows in that pocket of time after you've set up all your major vendors and before you have to start thinking about the details. Vow writing should be done in a frame of mind, that is relaxed and not rushed. Some loose deadlines to aim for would be to try getting a first draft together, about three weeks before the wedding...and to have your final version completed, at least two days out.

3. Look To Tradition

Even Shakespeare needed inspiration. So to get some, you should start by reading traditional, by-the-book vows from your own religion, -- if you practice a certain faith, but from others, as well -- to see what strikes a chord with you. You can incorporate these into the original words you write, or simply use them as a jumping-off point/bases, for your personalized vows.

4. Set The Tone

Decide what overall tone you want to achieve, before you put pen to paper. Would you want it to be poetic and romantic? Humorous, yet touching? The call is yours. What is of utmost importance, is that your vows ring true and sound like they're from the heart.
A word of advice: While your vows can be lighthearted (or even hilarious), they should, in some way, acknowledge the seriousness of the commitment you're about to make. One way to do that is to knit little jokes into traditional vows. For example: "I promise to love you, cherish you and always watch Enyimba Football matches with you".

5. Figure Out The Logistics

You and your fiance, should both be on the same page. Make sure of that. *Are you each going to write your own vows, or will you write them together?
*If you're writing them separately, will you want to run them by each other before the wedding?
*If you're writing them together, will they be completely different for each of you, or will you recite some of the same words and make the same promises to each other, as you would with traditional vows?

If you want them to be a surprise on your wedding day, make sure you both send a copy of what you've written to your officiant or to one friend or family member, so they can check that your vows are about the same length and similar in tone.

6. Make A Vow Date

When it's time to come up with the actual content of your vows, set aside an evening at home to brainstorm or hang out with your "to be"-- go out to dinner, maybe. Talk about your relationship and what marriage means to each of you. Discuss what you expect from each other and the relationship. Why did you decide to get married? What are you most looking forward to about married life? What hard times have you gone through together? What have you supported each other through? What challenges do you envision in your future? What do you want to accomplish together? What makes your relationship tick? Answering these questions will help you make and keep your promises, and talking about your bond may expose your inner Wordsworth and help you come up with phrases and stories you can incorporate into your vows.

7. Find Some Alone Time

Following the chat session with your future spouse, take some self-reflection time to think about how you feel about your partner. What was the impression they made, when you first saw them? When did you realize your feelings for them? Love, can be a bogus word. Lol. What do you most respect about your partner? How has your life gotten better since meeting your mate? What about them inspires you? What do you miss most about them when you're apart? What qualities do you most admire in each other? What do you have now that you didn't have before you met? You may be surprised how these answers may lead you to the perfect words.

8. Steal Ideas

Oh yes. Borrow freely from poetry, books, religious and spiritual texts -- even from romantic movies. Jerry Macguire's "you complete me", comes to mind. Jot down words and phrases that capture your feelings. Widely recognized works ring true for a reason.

9. Create An Outline

An outline helps to establish a structure and can really get you started. For example, plan to first talk about how great your fiance is and then about how you work together as a couple; pause to quote your favorite writer and then go into your promises to each other.

10. Remember Your Audience

Don't make your vows so personal that they're cryptic -- or embarrassing! You've invited your family and friends to witness your vows in order to make your bond public, so be sure everyone feels included in the moment. That means putting a limit on inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes and obscure nicknames or code words.
Yes, I mean it. Don't go Da Vinci on your guests, just because you suddenly experience a rush to mention your in-house fun farting competition!

11. Time It Right

Your vows shouldn't be too long -- aim for about one minute or so ( I swear, it's always longer than it sounds!). Your vows are the most important element of your ceremony, but that doesn't mean they should go on for hours. Get at the heart of what marrying this person means to you with your vows; pick the most important points and make them well. Save some thoughts for the reception toasts -- and for the wedding night.

12. Practice Out Loud (Seriously now!)

These are words meant to be heard by a live audience, so check that they sound good when spoken. Read your vows out loud to make sure they flow easily. Watch out for tongue twisters and super-long sentences -- you don't want to get out of breath or stumble, when EverRrrrRyborrry is attentive!!

Here're two samples I created. If I could just turn back time's hands.

I, Rocktation, take you, Hope-To-Be-A-Nairalander-Someday, to be my husband, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not know yet. I look forward to sharing my life with you, getting to know the man you will become, and falling in love, a little more every day. In Cholera, Health, Wants, Plenty, Failures, Triumph, I promise to Respect, Support, Comfort, Cherish and Love you through whatever life may bring us.

Response;
I, Hope-To-Be-A-Nairalander-Someday, take you, Rocktation, to be my wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and love, from this day forward. I anticipate working by your side to create a beautiful life together. I offer you my solemn vow to be your Faithful partner right back and Love you unconditionally, to Laugh and Cry with you, to Protect, to Encourage, Honor, Respect, Cherish and Stick with you throughout the seasons of life.


After you both must have said your individual vows, you may wish to say something in unison such as:

"Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me".

This here, is a traditional Jewish text that I love, by the way. Minus the "Lord do with me and more" part *rolls eyes*
Translation; I'm not the author.


So just because a little interaction will not harm anybody, you can also do some tryouts on this thread or post some likeable wedding vows that you came across and let us rate them together.

I stumbled upon these. And while i think they're cute, somewhat, our Naijarian officiants might be forced to slap the tastes outta our mouths. Lol.

Groom: I, (Name), choose you, (Name), to be my wife. In front of our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put my dirty clothes in the hamper and to replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.

Bride: I, (Name), choose you, (Name), to by my husband. In front of our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may come into our path. I promise to learn how to check the oil in my car and how to roll up a garden hose. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win. I will love you always.

Reciting the vows and trying to look natural at the same time is hilarious. Short and simple is the key. Nice thread Rocky

Rocy is unmarried.

What is this world turning into?

This mountain must be moved!

True Ije. But you wouldn't want to rush through that part of the ceremony and make everyone think that you don't ackshually mean everything.

chinedumo: Rocy is unmarried.

What is this world turning into?

This mountain must be moved!

Rocktation: True Ije. But you wouldn't want to rush through that part of the ceremony and make everyone think that you don't ackshually mean everything.

They'll live

Rockbabe!!! Married!!!
Then all the good girls are taken...i quit searching...on my way to monastery

Nice thread tho,buh some institutions have fixed lines for vow.

Lol, centje. Polyandry, must be happening for some reason, though.

And Vicky, you should. The vows entail things, that partners wish to do for each other. So why can't they be allowed to choose which promises, to make?

Rocktation: Here're two samples I created. If I could just turn back time's hands.

I, Rocktation, take you, [size=17pt] CrazyMan [/size] , to be my husband, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not know yet. I look forward to sharing my life with you, getting to know the man you will become, and falling in love, a little more every day. In Cholera, Health, Wants, Plenty, Failures, Triumph, I promise to Respect, Support, Comfort, Cherish and Love you through whatever life may bring us.

I also take you to be my lawfully wedded wife for richer for poorer till death do us part.

Now shall we kiss and proceed into the bedroom for further *clears throat*

Hehe. All these canned speeches will get you nowhere, Crazy. Take cue from OAM4J me. Create a new one.