A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."  

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.  

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."  

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."  

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.  

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."  

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.  

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual".  

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow".

A little girl told her mother: "Mom! I have come to know the boy next door has a penis like a peanut"

Mom: " Do you mean it's little"

Girl: "No Mom! It's salty."

Lisa and Mary went fishing at the river. Lisa went to the left hand side of the river, while Mary went to the right. One hour went by and Mary had caught no fish, she looked over at Lisa and saw that she was catching a lot of fish. They decided that Lisa had enough fish for the both of them and so they went home. 

The next day when they returned to the river Mary went to the left hand side and Lisa went to the right. Once again Mary did not catch any fish, she glanced over at Lisa and saw that she was. After awhile they decided that they had enough for the both of them and got ready to go home. 

Mary asked Lisa "How do you know what side of the river the fish is running?" Is it the bait that you're using or something?" 

Lisa replied "Well Mary, every morning when I wake up I lift up the blanket and look at my husbands penis...if its hanging on the left I go to the left hand side of the river...if hanging to the right I go to the right hand side of the river." 

Mary asked "What if its standing up?" 

Lisa replied "Then I stay home."

Every day a 4th grade boy named laeasy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl named toyosi's house. One day he stops to taunt the little toyosi He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"

The little toyosi runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys toyosi a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and toyosi shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". 

Laeasy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"

Next day, toyosi comes by and toyosi is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!" 

The next day as laeasy passes the house he asks toyosi "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" 

So toyosi pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

Nyc one,bro.

Fanks so much MR T.

Teacher: You copied from Laeasy's exam paper didn't you? 

Saheed: How did you know? 

Teacher: Laeasy's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

A little boy named chukwudi wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again.chukwudi says, "That won't work."

His mom says, "Why?"

He replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown". 

Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. 

The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok??" 

In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" 

The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." 

Mike said, "Oh Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'"

Laeasy: A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."  

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.  

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."  

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."  

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.  

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."  

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.  

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual".  

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow".

lolz...too good... Very smart dog. I want one such dog...

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. 

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. 

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, 'My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.' The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.'Oh, oh, aaaahhh,' he exclaims, 'My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, 'My picture?' He answers, 'Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever'.

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, 'Why do you wear a robe? We are married now.' At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, 'Oh, oh my, let me get a picture.' He beams and asks why, to which she answers, 'So I can get it enlarged!'

nice jokes

Q. Why do midgets laugh when they run?

A. Because the grass tickles their balls!