Oysters

A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach.

"What did you eat for dinner last night?" asked the doctor.

"Oysters," she said.

"Fresh oysters?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know?" said the lady

"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?"

"My Gosh," gasped the lady. "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"


Playing Golf

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they had passionate relations all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.

As the man prepared to leave, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been together all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying jerk! You've been playing golf!"


Peanuts and Cigarettes

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic, And that after shave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "You jerk. Oh my gosh you stink. Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother."

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation. "Ah yes sir," the bartender responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."



Jet Fuel
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing, "

"What's that?"

"Have you, err, broken wind yet?"

"No."

"Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!"


Fast Dads
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!"



Smart In-Law

One day, while having a heated argument with each other, the angry wife said to her husband, "I should have taken my mother's advice and never should have married you! How she tried to stop me!"

The husband replied, "Well, I'll be! How I have misjudged that woman!"

buhahahahhaaha lol

keep flinging da damn jokes

Good jokes expecially the one about the lady not able to handle the truth

Mo ti feyin mi oooooooooo

Nice, and funny. , . . .

@Toyosi
There is a case of one man, sunday adeife, going on in sacramento accused of raping his patient, do u know what happened to him eventually. I know the man\s brother and I got curious of what is happening over there. Can u shed some light on it?

wats dis on my thread kayo took ur time o

Some nice jokes there

nice jokes

tytylayor:

wats this on my thread kayo took your time o

It is not a mistake. The case actually happened in sacramento calif and I tot Toyosi would have heard it and thats why am requesting for dat info

ty ty

nice ones
u don dey try o

kayowalemi:

@Toyosi
There is a case of one man, sunday adeife, going on in sacramento accused of raping his patient, do u know what happened to him eventually. I know the man\s brother and I got curious of what is happening over there. Can u shed some light on it?

kayo,
na like dis u wan dey take toast woman now?
y u no browse for d news, she eresemble newscaster

kayowalemi:

It is not a mistake. The case actually happened in sacramento calif and I tot Toyosi would have heard it and thats why am requesting for that info

hmmmm

@Olulu,
Am serious am not toasting

u sure

Dead sure

after dying, u still sure

Ok I am sure

i for fear

why u dey fear person, wey dey fear rat wey dey hin compound

@tyty
Fear not, I dey 4 u and only u  

@clem
U nko wey dey fear all the rats, no sorry, I wan say rabbits wey dey run ya room?  

why i go fear my co tenants? u no knoe say the rabbit ears dey fan me for night?

see your ears like rabbit own

in short, kayo is d rabbit

tytylayor:

in short, kayo is d rabbit

cooooooool,


_{looks for my gun,grab my knife, and goes out of d house singing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i gonna eat rabbit meat tonite}

hmmmn some 1 is goin to hav a ball with rabbit stew

To the person who was requesting about that Nigerian man accused of raping his mentally ill ed patient here in Sacramento. He was working at a Mental Health facility here in SAC. right now he is currently in jail. facing 11 felony counts of Rap. So he will eventually be sent to State prison then later on deported back to his country. Yeah it's a shame, He has one child. Personally he took advantage of these people. With no remorse. Here is a link for you to read, www.kcra.com/news/16180637, www.sacbee.com/101/story/921802.html

mervyme who da hell art thou

is dat ur passport? u look err err *scraches head*