Omitted Definitions From the Dictionary

In 1831, Mr. Webster published the first
dictionary of the English language. Unfortunately,
he omitted several definitions - mostly those
related to the daily lives of women. The following
definitions, written from the viewpoint of Mrs.
Webster, are to help correct that oversight.

Airhead (er-hed) n
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled
over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q) n
You bought groceries, washed lettuce, chopped
tomatoes, diced onions, marinated meat and cleaned
everything up, but he "made dinner."

Baseball Bat (bas-bol bat) n
An anti-burglar device.

Children (chil-dren) n
What men become when they get the flu.

Computer (kom-pew-ter) n
The one thing in a woman's life that does exactly
what she tells it to.

Dog (dawg) n
A creature who hears a burglar, barks once, then
hides in the closet.

Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee) n
The last two minutes of a football game.

Four Food Groups (for food groops) n
Chocolate, wine coolers, potato chips
and ice cream.

Grocery List (grow-ser-ee list) n
What you spend half-an-hour writing, then
forget to take with you to the store.

Home (hom) n
A dwelling that ideally has the same number of
bathrooms as people.

Idunno (i-dun-no)
The person who broke your favorite vase.

Kiss (kis) n
A small token of affection, usually chocolate.

Lipstick (lip-stick) n
On your lips: Coloring to enhance the beauty
of your mouth.
On his collar: Coloring only a tramp would wear.

Men's Sale (minz sal) n
It's OK to get one on sale, just make sure the
store has a good return policy.

New Age (noo aj) n
The age a woman gives instead of her real age.

Opinion (o-pin-yen) n
Advice you get whether you ask for it or not.

Pregnancy (pre-nan-see) n
You gain 30 lbs of water weight, but he says
"we're pregnant."

Romance Novel (ro-mans-nov-el) n
A completely believable story in which an
arrogant, boorish, rude, cold-hearted cad by day
turns into a sensitive, caring, thoughtful,
passionate lover by night.

Screwdriver (skrew-dri-ver) n
A hardware tool designed to be turned around and
used as a hammer.

Significant Other (sig-nif-i-kant uth-er) n
A husband, fiance, live-in boyfriend, or
someone you've introduced to your parents.

Stretch Marks (strech marcs) n
Badges of honor.

Teddy Bear (ted-ee bare) n
A companion who gives you a hug whenever you
want, never snores, doesn't bother you when you're
talking on the phone and doesn't eat the last
chocolate chip cookie.

Valentine's Day (val-en-tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candelight dinner,
diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky
to get a card.

Weight Lifting (wate lif-ting) n
What every woman does when she carries her
baby, purse and two bags of groceries.

Yippee (yip-ee) interj
What a woman thinks when a man says he'll
call--then does.

Zillion (zil-yen) n
The number of times you ask someone to take
out the trash, then end up doing it yourself
anyway.

That was too funny, am dying with laughter.

Nice one

lol