Well this is time of the year when most of us start a new job, new career judging from the Gtb,Diamond,pwc,kpmg,delloite and herotage bank threads. Here are some management tips I recommend you follow, they may sound like a joke but the lessons to be learnt aren't jokes. And I hope it can make the FrontPage

5 Minute Management Course
Lesson #1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The
wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands
Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word,
Bob says,I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few
seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The
woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
Who was that?
It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies.
Great, the husband says, did he say anything about
the $800 he owes me?
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be
in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears,
he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm
129?
The priest apologized, Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak.
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up,
you will find glory.
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #3:
A sales representative, an administration clerk, and
their manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out.
The Genie says, I'll give each of you just one wish.
Me first! Me first! says the administration clerk. I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world. Puff! She's gone.
Me next! Me next! says the sales representative. I
want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life. Puff! He's gone.
OK, you're up, the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, I want those two back in the office
after lunch.
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree sighed the turkey,
but I haven't got the energy.
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings? replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson #5:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and
dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing
him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE

Luv the 2nd! Psalm 129

Very nice

OMG! This is priceless. Source please?

my facebook notes

nice 1

Permit my excuse to be 'unSAKAstic' but you can't derive morals from the immoral a la lesson 2 (especially) & 1.
Perhaps my school of thought may not 'lol' at such but am sure you take criticisms in good light and you understand the diversity of perspectives.

Lessons:

1 -- MIS (Management Information System)

2 -- Continuous Professional Development
You are as good as the date you obtained your qualifications. You have to learn and update yourself to stuffs relevant to your career.

3 -- Respecting 'Organogram' & The Chain of Authority.
Let's you know when/what decisions are within/beyond you, when you should consult or when you've got veto power.

4 -- Professionalism
Quite true in Nigeria. Sleeping around or illegal connections may get you to an unmerited position but Karma is so sweet, your weaknesses will be exposed cos you don't merit it. Meritocracy supports professionals (who are good at what they do), they'll know how to stay up there. Nepotism can deprecate professionals but it only makes you stronger . At the end, shortcuts are what they are, cutting you short.

5 -- That explains itself quite well. Choose your friends carefully, concentrate on your work and avoid/manage office politics as your utterances will be used against you - even by your 'friends'

ok