Student’s Near Miss While Searching For Network Disaster almost struck at Benue State University, Makurdi, as Oche Inalegwu, a 200 Level Student of Computer Science, reportedly fell of a window ledge while searching for network. Reports say MTN network had been exceptionally horrible that night, and in a bid to get good connection, an angry Oche had perched on the ledge of the window, before disaster struck…

Just outside the window, a mosquito had bitten a boy, who flinched, and hit the books off a girls hands, who swerved, and knocked a lecturer to the ground, who yelled, and poured spit into another lecturers eyes, who got angry and punched the other lecturer…..…. All this had nothing to do with Oche…….back to the story While perched on the Window like an Owl looking for MTN network, Oche slipped on a bar of Dudu Osun soap which had been placed carelessly on the window ledge, and fell off. While in free fall, he hit his head on a window bane, broke 5 panes of glass, swallowed 3 pants and had a fractured Eye Lash. Fortunately, he landed on a stolen mattress which had been hidden behind the hostel.

Again, unfortunately, the police were there looking for the thief who stole the mattress, and since Oche was at the Wrong place at the wrong time, he was arrested. Ladies and Gentlemen, Oche isn’t dead. He’s in Jail and he needs Bail Money.

BREAKING: lola’s New Range Rover Stolen

Shocking news reaching FNN desk this morning reveals that new bride Lola seem to have woken up this morning to the news that her Range Rover car has gone mysteriously missing.

The baby mama to Peter, one of the Psquare duo finally got proposed to yesterday with the Range Rover, however she was shocked when she discovered her car is not in her drive way anymore..
News report claim that Police are presently looking into the matter, however Mr May D, has been arrested by the police as one of the suspects behind this.
Although We don’t know for now why Mr May D would be a suspect, nevertheless we would definitely keep you updated on any new development.
Even though his fiance just lost his proposal gift, Peter has been spotted, around lagos pricing tokunbo Kia Picanto, in a bid to replace what was stolen, in his words “Half bread is sha better than none”.

Blind Woman Falls In Love With Pastor T.B Joshua At First Sight.

It was commotion in The Synagogue Church Of All Nation during a miracle service when a blind woman that has been blind all her life was made to see.

Pastor T.B Joshua is a man of God that many knows of his various miraculous exploits and predictions that come to pass. The man of God has been said to have been used by God to heal various people with different conditions but the last thing on his mind,would be to marry one of the people he’s being used to heal.
Commotion occurred in his church when a woman that has been blind from birth was made to see,after which she said the man of God won’t be allowed to leave the church auditorium until he marries her,that she’s in love with him being the first person she would ever see and its love at first sight.
At first,the congregation thought she was joking and just being appreciative of what the man of God had done but it got serious when she started removing her clothes to make the man of God lie with her right in the presence of the congregation but she was stopped before she removed too many clothing. Immediately the situation went out of control,body- guards held down the woman while the pastor escaped into his helicopter. In the woman’s words, “I love him,he’s the finest man I’ve seen,he’s good-looking,he has the skin of an angel and the voice of a warrior,his touch isn’t just filled with the spirit but also blows my mind,I must marry him,he’s the one I’ve been waiting for all my life.” My Correspondent hasn’t been able to get a response from the pastor but according to a statement from a young pastor,the situation is under control and the woman has been taken to a psychiatric home.
More as the story develops.

In a show of comedy, self proclaimed *Naija best Artist* he's the current "Mr BSU"
-Raymond Akula popularly known as X-Ray- this Morning,proposed to a 100level bankin nd finance student, Miss Doo Chivir, giving her the surprise of her life in the presence of his friends and family with an Aba-Made Ring and a Brand-new Keke NAPEP and she gave a big YES with a dirt SLAP.
FNN was informed by Ray’s closest Friend (Big bee) that Ray has been crushing on Chivir for the past 3 Years and felt today was the perfect time to make it official but even after being turned down,he’s not giving up as he plans to released an album of love songs for the girl in question. Chivir Said she deserves more than that from any man who plans proposing to her. After a long chat with her, she said she expects nothing less than a private jet. More as the story develops.

Woman Turns Into Dog While Dancing To Alingo.

Strange scenes were reported at a Night Club in Makurdi yesterday, after a young Woman, Mimidoo Terungwa, transformed into a dog as she danced to P-Square’s Alingo.
According to eye witness accounts, the Club is located beside the house of a popular and powerful Juju man, known simply as Terkimbi Msughter, who had always complained about noise emanating from the club.
The Juju man got really angry last night as the club was making a lot of noise while playing ALINGO, forcing the juju man to prepare a quick charm which he took down to the club.
The 1st person he met as he barged into the club was Miss Mimidoo, just as she was dancing and screaming
“She’s making me bark like a bingo”.
He promptly poured the charm powder on her body, and she continued “woofing”, and barking as she slowly transformed into a dog.

The Club owner and Mimidoo’s parents have begged Terkimbi to reverse the charm, which he has agreed to do, after they make an offering of 8 Blue Kolanuts, 4 wraps of weed, a menstruating snail, a pregnant 3 legged carnivorous goat with bad eyesight an brand new iphone 5 (not london used).

Man Wakes Up in 2nd Hand Bugatti; Returns It Because It Wasn’t New

A man has been condemned and praised by different sections of the public after he returned a Bugatti he woke up in last night, because it was not New.
The man, Jonathan Igwilo, who resides in Jikwoyi on the outskirts of Abuja, had been praying to God for a brand new car, according to sources close to his family. He had even gone as far as sowing a seed in his church with his Jincheng Okada, with which he usually commuted to work.
That fateful night, he had been playing “Woke Up in a New Bugatti” by Ace Hood, Future and Rick Ross before he slept off, only for him to wake in an ACTUAL BUGATTI on a deserted street in Maitama.
How it happened, we may never know, but Josh can authoritatively confirm that as at the time of filing this report, Mr. Igwilo had returned the Vehicle to the Nigerian Police, saying he would not keep it, as it was a 2nd Hand Bugatti.
In his own words “I asked God for a Brand New Car. I did not sow my okada as seed for a 2nd Hand Bugatti. I’m still trusting God that I will wake up in a Brand New Bugatti one day. Please, i’m going home to sleep, no more questions”
Meanwhile, the Inspector General of Police has just been spotted cruising in a Bugatti in Abuja this morning. More as the story develops.

That's the end of todays news at 11:00pm. . . Stay tuned for more as we hope to brin'g you the latest news as we get them from the virtual world. . . .
Dont worry 'bout how we get em', just know we get em'. . .

Well done

Policeman Runs Mad After Collecting 20naira From A Danfo Driver.

Reports reaching my table claim that Obalende bridge was turned upside down yesterday as a very funny event occurred. It was reported that baba Sege as he is popularly called,is fond of harassing danfo drivers and even keke napep riders as he must collect money from them no matter how many times they come to the park to get passengers. Anyone who refuses will have a case at the police station.
Well,the saying “everyday for the thief one day for the owner” happened yesterday.
Baba Sege as usual who has made so much money,refused to rest and let riders and drivers be. He stopped a Danfo going to lekki and requested his usual fee from the driver who pleaded with him that he hasn’t made much and on his returned trip
he would definitely settle him. Baba Sege refused and seized the driver’s keys and threatened to take him to the station. This threat made the driver squeeze 20naira into baba’s hands and the amount got baba furious.
As he got angry at the small amount of money given to him,he threw his cap on the ground removed his shirt and started unzipping his trouser. That was when it occurred to everyone that baba was running mad.
Immediately,the driver turned to an old ifa priest (babalawo) and everyone ran out of the bus. Obalande under bridge went into chaos as some strong agberos approached the Ifa pleading with him to make the police man sane but he refused that this is a punishment for him.
On further inquiry,it was discovered that baba Sege arrested the ifa’s son and jailed him for 1month because of 20naira. He then informed those who where brave to listen to him that baba sege will remain mad for the next 6months. As we speak baba sege has been admitted to yaba left and is seriously under going medical treatment.

Shocking scenes in Imo after Michael Jackson was spotted in the market square moonwalking. Half of the villagers started shedding tears other kids were amazed and decided to watch the legend.. SEE PICTURE BELOW

Yvonne Nelson Detained At Airport With 50 Dildos.

It’s no secret that actress Yvonne Nelson has been in the news a lot recently. However, she is set to make headlines again. Reports reaching us at FNN seem to indicate that Miss Nelson was detained earlier this week at Murtala Mohammed International Airport in Ikeja, where she was trying to board a flight back home to Ghana, when a suitcase she was carrying accidentally popped open and about a dozen dildos of various sizesand colors fell out of it.

An eyewitness (name withheld) told us that he was waiting at the airport for his own flight, when Miss Nelson breezed past him in a hurry. As she was running, she apparently tripped and fell to the floor, causing the zip of one of her suitcases to pop open, spilling about twelve of these intimacy gadgets all over the airport. At this point commotion ensued, and Miss Nelson was taken into custody.
A spokesman for the airport security was able to tell us later that the number of intimacy gadgets found in her luggage actually numbered fifty, and at the time of speaking to us, she was being questioned as to why one would need so many dildos anyway. He also told us that the said dildos were being closely analyzed for drugs or other illegal substances.
I cannot provide reasons as to why Yvonne Nelson was trying to fly out of Nigeria with so many dildos, or even why one woman would need so many.
Several of our in-house behavioral psychologists however are of the opinion that perhaps she still isn’t over the much- publicized break-up with “The Kukere Master”, Iyanya. More as this develops.