Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing
long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the
mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get ...in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah, wide
loofah and pumice stone...Wash your hair once with
cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition
your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face
with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake
body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and
legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet
surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.. Get out of
shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing
long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the
way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and
leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you
see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the
woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in
the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your
nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart
and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend
majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on
the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to
notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out
of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and
fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you
pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. If there is
anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is
something SO very wrong with you.