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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U (5998 Views)
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Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 10:10pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
YOUR FANTASY GIRL. (by Lorretta) with one lush 'come hither' look. . . I've got you by the hook. . . I'm your fantasy girl... in your eyes i glow like a pearl. . . you long for the nectar from my lips... you delight in the gentle curve of my hi-ps... of this ball i am the belle. . . you're completely under my spell. . . i smile at you,my cheeks dimple. . . you wanna whisk me off. you wish it were that simple. . . am i a figment of your imagination?. . . NO! I'm as real as your ere-ction. . . 7 Likes |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 10:43pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
No one read literature section? Was hoping to get some constructive critisicm and this. Where are the expert poets in the house? How am I doing? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by druid06(m): 10:47pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
I do but your poem (If I should call it that) was just too preliminary and amateur that I thought it best not to comment so as not to hurt your feelings or break your spirit. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 10:56pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
Not really.I like honesty.so say it the way it is.if not how will I learn? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by yemi2plus(m): 11:15pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
Where is jack when you need him? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 11:34pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
yemi2plus2: Where is jack when you need him? you mean wiggleswood or damningahill? have you seen hardlychase lately? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by yemi2plus(m): 11:47pm On Aug 30, 2013 |
Aggrippa:I don't know any of those names |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 7:27am On Aug 31, 2013 |
Oh no. Ok I'll try another one today Hope it will be much better |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by timpaker(m): 9:42am On Aug 31, 2013 |
Nice one Lorretta! However, I think your 5th line deserves to be rephrased... I've tried to decipher " you delight in the gentle curve on my hi.ps" but I think the word 'delight' was misplaced here (I hope you know what I mean) In other words, every other lines was awesome, especially the 2 last line, it got me cracking. Keep up it! Cheers 2 Likes |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 1:51pm On Aug 31, 2013 |
Thanks timpaker: |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by TheFury: 4:09pm On Aug 31, 2013 |
I think it was a good piece, EVERY LINE, besides, "poetry is emotion recollected in tranquility"...so, I say good work. 2 Likes |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by DiplomaticG(m): 2:46pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
I see nothing bad wit d piece. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by eblazer(m): 4:28pm On Sep 19, 2013 |
[left][/left] lorretta u: YOUR FANTASY GIRL. lorretta u: YOUR FANTASY GIRL. lorretta u: YOUR FANTASY GIRL. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by StOla: 2:11pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
Hmmm! It seems this fantasy girl is a description of yourself. Pretty picture by the way. Not much of a poet myself except when there's a babe to pursue, so my opinion wouldn't be so true. The effort is appreciated. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by DiplomaticG(m): 7:02pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
St.Ola:na poem u dy read 4 ur any babe u wan pursue? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 9:27pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
Lmao. It works sometimes u know? Diplomatic G: na poem u dy read 4 ur any babe u wan pursue?Thanks.yep.you're right St.Ola: |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by djeezy(m): 9:59pm On Sep 22, 2013 |
It's an amazing piece but the composure is poor. Will categorize it as an amateur poem. I think she's do better if you take it more seriously. Nice one. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by StOla: 9:25am On Sep 26, 2013 |
Diplomatic G: na poem u dy read 4 ur any babe u wan pursue? Lol! Not every babe, but it's an approach I use in most of my text msgs to only babes who might appreciate it - a fast dwindling population i must say. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by StOla: 12:56pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
1 Like |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 12:57pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Fantancy girl ur Poem tickles my fancy.. Weldone.. Keep it up. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 12:58pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Fantancy girl ur Poem tickles my fancy. Weldone. Keep it up. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by crackhaus: 1:02pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Hmmmmmm |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by UjSizzle(f): 1:10pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
I like it except the use of 'wanna', why not use 'want to' ? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by drnairalov: 1:14pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
@op *scratches head biko translate your poem 2 english... i dnt understand shii *crying...what language is dat by the way *catwalks out 1 Like |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 1:15pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
U r right I guess I'm used to it. uj_sizzle: I like it except the use of 'wanna', why not use 'want to' ? |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by UjSizzle(f): 1:16pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
And your use of 'delight in' the curve if my hips, makes it seem like he's already enjoying intimate pleasure in it. Daz all tho. The poem is cool, but somewhat bland. It doesn't tickle the imagination as much if you're hoping to improve, but it's a good start |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 1:16pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Woris dat? drnairalov: @op *scratches head biko translate your poem 2 english... i dnt understand shii *crying...what language is dat by the way *catwalks out |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by Nobody: 1:20pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Noted. Thanks alot uj_sizzle: And your use of 'delight in' the curve if my hips, makes it seem like he's already enjoying intimate pleasure in it. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by DICKtator: 1:24pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
i thought i saw a P.OORN by Loretta U. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by troy20(m): 1:30pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Nice alliterative n assonancial start; 'lush' and look' in ur first line.its rythemic.And nice aa bb cc end rhymes too.its a decent and simple poem.even the finest of minds have to let out their message beautifully as they would wholly.make more use of the literary figures of speech.simile,metaphor,allusion,imagery.they make a poem rich. |
Re: Fantasy Girl - Poem By Lorretta U by emeka94(m): 1:33pm On Oct 02, 2013 |
Loretta I think its wonderful. Bravo |
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