Of all the mad people in the world, this man must be the most insane of them all. Has he not learnt his lesson or didn’t that buffoon pastor chijioke tell him. Maybe I shall give him a small dose of my wahala. Then again I am beginning to get wary of constantly repelling their forces, why can’t they just leave me allone. What harm have I done them? I never put sand sand for their garri but they wan put vomit for my soup. Na wah oh. Don’t they know that I am still a new to the business of demoning.
Ok ok. I agree that I have given them a little trouble. Maybe more than a little. Like that time I made Edward- the boy whose body I live in- to mix his sister cream with powdered camphor. But it’s not my fault completely, she deserved it. Yes she did. Look at her at thirty five she is still not married (that is the doing of my elder brother), her make-up is so irritating that I thank the spirits I do not have a stomach else I would vomit out my intestine just by looking at her. The worst part is that nobody can tell what her complexion is, today she would be fair like an albino tomorrow she will be as dark as an aboki, at times her face is a mixture of colors almost like a rainbow(one part fair, the other dark). She uses at least five different cream at the same time, all of them expensive. Just looking at her reminds me of Abacha’s roommate in hell - Michael Jackson. The first day I saw her in a bra, I nearly ran out of Edwards’s body. The stretch marks on her entire body would put the port hole ridden enugu-portharcourt express way to shame. The fact that she keeps wearing clothes that are not her size makes the matter worst. With all that fat and excess tissues. Thanks to olisa that I am not a cloth.
I will not forget the look on her face when she found out what Edward did. Her face was frozen in a grimace that reminded me of that funny English actor- mr beans, she mopped her face with hot water for days and almost gave poor Edward a mortal wound with that leather belt of her accursed father.
Ouch. This man prayer don dey touch me small small. I need to scare this useless man. how? I know what I shall do. Thinking of it makes me wan die from laughter. I did it to the first prayer warrior abi prophet way Edward parent call to come do deliverance. The man just they cabash prayer for my head, at first I ignored him because I am still a newcomer to this demon thing. Back home, stories abound about men who used ordinary words to destroy even the strongest of demons in ours realm. So naturally I was afraid when I heard that a powerful man of god was coming to deliver Edward. I tried to make Edward run away from home but that big headed, long legged brother of his caught him. How I hate that stupid boy. His next on my target list once this useless pastor is finished. As I was saying, he locked Edward inside that their smelly pit toilet-if the thought of the forth coming deliverance session did not chase me out then the smell of that toilet almost did, that is why I prefer using either the mortar in the kitchen as my toilet or inside the farm, so that air will be touching Edward’s nyash, who said that I don’t care about him. When I first saw the dreadlocked man who had come to pray me out I knew I was safe. The spirit living inside the prophet was my grandfather’s best friend back at Demon’s school of terrorism and darkness (DESTID for short). After the prophet must have finished a plate of foo foo and okra soup “for spiritual stamina against the devil’s agent” he said, he proceed to rub me down with a bottle of olive oil. And the cabashing began.
Well no need telling you how it ended, I guess you already know. So you don’t know? Alright I will tell you. I decided to form hyper demon.
Faking a deep bass voice, I said “who is it that disturbs me……” ere I could finish my statement. The room don empty. Edward’s mgbeke sister fainted at the spot, the prophet and his warriors run like say their legs get wings and Edward brother piss for em short.
Oops. Like play, like play this man prayer don they dey serious oh. I have a confession to make. Even though it embarrasses me but at least it could bring help and a little sympathy. I am not strong at all. I have no powers and my wings are clipped. I play petty pranks and annoying tricks on people. Like the time I mixed edward’s brothers igbo with pepper and starched his mothers gigantic panties, the poor woman kept scratching her northern bar beach for a week (that’s how long she wears one pant. Don’t ask me how I know). I’ve always wanted to be stronger like my elder brothers but mother insisted that I was too young for the turbulent life of a demon outside of hell. But I didn’t listen, I wanted an adventure, to be seen as a man like my other sibling. Hmmm. I wish I had listened to her. I am sorry mother. But the truth is that, I do not have the guts to do what other demons do. I can’t kill others or drink blood with relish. I just can’t. So what am I? A demon or an imp?
sometimes, i feel as if edward is happy that i live in him for he comes from a dysfunctional family. his father IS always in a perpetual drunken state, his mother IS a frustrated and over weight woman and i think she smokes igbo with her children sometimes. his elder brother chinedu is just one point shy of being worse than his father, his sisters were whores who went to the highest bidder. it was only mary his immediate sister that made sense in the entire family. edward himself would have turned up worse if not for me. without me he'd probably have built a comfortable castle at the bottom of his class. am tired after all this cabashing that i am suffering at the hands of this man. please pity me ooh. maybe later i shall tell u the rest