No 2, Unemployment street,
Off Insecurity lane,
ASUU road,
Nepa Area,
Nigeria.
October 1,2013
MR N. Corruption,
The commander-general,
FG affairs,
Aso lock villa,
Nigeria.
LETTER OF APPRECIATION
Dear Sir Corruption, the lust for power and wealth, we hail thee. I am writing this piece today sir to commend your efforts towards ensuring that we leave nothing useful for the future generations. You, who alone in your subtlety, have turned our fatherland into the cynosure of all eyes in the globe. You are the only one who could have molded us into what we are today.
Sir, from the white elephant projects to the scandals, the last ones always bigger than the ones before, we bear witness that you alone have been responsible for our state of being today. We of all people know how richly you reward our leaders for duping us. We are living witnesses to your magnamity to the “sharp” men in power. Be it at the local, state, or federal level, we know that your grip is unquestionable as you permeate the very fabric of our existence. You are the only one who can change lawyers to liars, allow impostors to become pastors, help Imams to engage in haram and permit our institutions to churn out prostitutes.
Sir, everybody knows that without your support, senators and representatives of the republic will not be able to take home a more-than-justifiable chunk of our national cake. You are the only entity powerful enough to have taken drugs away from our hospitals’ drugstores and chalk from our classrooms. If anybody is in doubt, tell them to ask ASUU.You are the only one who can embolden our leaders to look at tens of millions of us fully in the eyes and then proceed calmly to lie to us and list out phony achievements. You are the only one capable of making us to buy our own oil at the price we do, after all, what concern of yours is the welfare of the people.
I will also implore you sir, to forget those who think ethnic jingoism, militancy, kidnappings and armed robbery are the scourge of our society. We all know that they are your errand boys. As for those who still think that ICPC and EFCC can tackle you, I’ll recommend that they be put on 24hrs watch at psychiatric hospitals which due to your benevolence sir, are about as good as kennels and pigsties.
Last of all sir, you have been our most enduring and consistent companion over the last 53 years. From the eras of British rule through to the present day via channels like d Baba Iyabos,Maddonnas and many others of our rulers, you have dogged our every footsteps. You have beaten the tune to which we have danced. You have been our steadfast guide through a series of nihilistic plutocracies. Like the mathematical ‘k’, you have been the only constant in our lives.
Nigerians are a very appreciative lot and we are forever indebted to you. It is to this end that we cannot but organize celebrations for our 53rd year of friendship at the Eagles square under the directions of our leaders. We have also managed to squeeze in a period of mourning for Mr. Transparency and Good leadership. I know you will be pleased with the demise of your two most hated enemies.
Sir, we only have one request. We have been hearing rumours that you are almost immortal. Are they true? We eagerly await your answer so that if the rumours are true,we can start to plan our mass exodus from our country of birth to neighbouring countries because it goes without saying that; wherever you exist or live in, there is no hope.

P.S;I was not able to afford a stamp because thanks to you,our postal service has become defunct.
Yours faithfully,
A.T. M
For the masses