THE LUXURIOUS RIDE BY
tadon200.
EXT. IKOTUN BUS-STOP - DAY
A lot of people moving like zombies waiting to board a bus, as you can see the frustration written on their faces.
Vehicles flying left right and center.
CHUKWUDI
(Barely audible)
Make i go look wetin dey paper today.(Talks to himself)
CHUKWUDI

(looks at the time on his wrist watch)



o boy! Time dn go o...
As he walks towards the newspaper stand.
EXT. NEWSPAPER STAND - DAY
READER 1
Yes, yes I like him o.
READER 2

For what! the man is clueless, he is an “assinus” ...can u imagine?..
Cuts in
READER 1
(angry)
Wetin dis man dy tell me, my friend respect yourself o.. no make me vex today
READER 2
Respect is given to those ...
Cuts in
READER 1
I go slap this man o
Cuts in
READER 2
Ehen! Who do you want to slap?
Chukwudi, reading a sport paper at the newspaper stand, listening to the readers arguing.
CHUKWUDI
Shut up! (to reader 2) wetin you dey talk for here..
READER 2
I don’t have time for ignorant fellows.
Reader 2 walks away.
CHUKWUDI
Yeye man. na so dm go walka about- dey say rubbish. c hm head ... yeye man.
A volkswagen bus, dirty and rusty parks by.
CONDUCTOR
Oshodi! oshodi! oshodi! 200 naira five five on a seat
If you no get change, no enter o...
Walks towards a gin joint and quickly buys a regal gin ,gulps it down his throat, runs back to his bus.
CONDUCTOR (CONT’D)
Madam, madam, enter, enter
Pushing mrs Adeyanju buttocks
MRS ADEYANJU
Ema gbami (see me see wahala) se you dy craze ni? abi aye ti se e ni?
CONDUCTOR
If you no get change, no enter o,i dn say my own.. i no want wahala dis Monday morning.
The bus is filled, people packed like sardin, some are cursing the conductor, others just can’t wait to get to their destination.
INT.BUS - VOLKWAGEN - DAY
CHUKWUDI
This seat na one chance o
As he tries to adjust himself to sit comfortably.
CONDUCTOR
Shift! Shift! (to chukwudi)
CHUKWUDI
Shut up!(to conductor) i dey tell you say this seat no good, you dy say shimft shimft.
Makes his mouth round in a comical manner
CHUKWUDI (CONT’D)
Mr man, na four people fi si don for here
Cuts in
MRS ADEYANJU
No mind him joo, na the shepe(gin) dy worry am
The conductor is angry, his face says it all, he looks at them in contempt.
CONDUCTOR
If you no wan shift, abeg come down, no be by force
Chukwudi adjusts well as the fifth person sits down. Although still uncomfortable.
CHUKWUDI
See yourself, u go collect the money- hm! we no even see am for your body, see how you be like person wey get kwashorkor, cockroach.. If no be this our governor wey ban okada, wetin concern me and bus .. enter my okada , 15 minute i dn reach oshodi
The bus now in motion as the conductor prepares to collect money from the passengers, it’s chukwudi turn to give the conductor his money
CHUKWUDI (CONT’D)
(obnoxious mannerism)
Wetin! Wetin!
CONDUCTOR
money?
As he tries to take the money from his back pocket in futility
CHUKWUDI
Later! later! later! (waves his hand in an “i don’t care attitude”)
CONDUCTOR
(nods his head)
Hmn
MRS ADEYANJU
Conductor! Conductor! change! Change!
CHUKWUDI
Hey, hey, conductor change
CONDUCTOR
You dn give me money ni?
CHUKWUDI
Give this madam her change, abi u wan make she forget her change?
The conductor can’t take anymore of this
CONDUCTOR
Driver! Driver! Stop! stop
CHUKWUDI
Wetin happen
CONDUCTOR
Oga come down
CHUKWUDI
You dey craze, who you dey shout for? ..I go slap u
CONDUCTOR
Oga come down, come down
DRIVER
Wetin dey happen for..
Cuts in
CHUKWUDI
This your conductor na mad man, just dey talk anyhow for here, i go deal with
Cuts in
CONDUCTOR
Na you dey mad, craze dey worry you, oya oga come down ,come down
DRIVER
Oga no vex. (to Chukwudi) , omo aiye farabale (calm down guy to conductor)
As they resume their journey along ejigbo.

CHUKWUDI
See this yeye man
Points to a man by the side of the road
CHUKWUDI (CONT’D)
He be like monkey, na so so okada he go dy seize, he wan seize my okada last week monday, no - no tuesday , i no give am o, he beat me, beat me, i no gree o, i give am 500 naira, he kan leave me.
MRS ADEYANJU
Na so dm dey do , e be like say dm dey pray make okada pass , egunje money go cum.
CHUKWUDI
Dm be yeye people.
MRS ADEYANJU
Yes.
CHUKWUDI
Driver driver, watch your side ,this your conductor no dy do hm job o , conductor look your side.
The driver tries to swerve the bus to prevent it from crashing a small car but its little too late
EXT. PAKO - DAY
Pako, a road known for its hold up.
A young guy in a small camry car turn off the ignition of his car
Camry guy (O.S.)
God! what the f**k...
CONDUCTOR
Baba no vex(to camry guy)
DRIVER
Abeg, oga
CAMRY GUY
What! No vex no vex ,will it repair my car, look at my mirror( points towards his battered mirror)
CONDUCTOR
Baba no vex
CAMRY GUY
(hisses)
You don’t seem to get it, you bashed my car and you are shouting baba no vex, baba no vex, I don’t care what you have to do, I want this mirror fixed.
A policeman hearing their conversation walks to them
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
Wetin dey happen for here?
CAMRY GUY
This man bashed my car (pointing at the driver)
DRIVER
Oga no be like
Cuts in
CHUKWUDI
Na like dat, i say watch your side , you no hear ,u see your conductor ? regal dy worry am
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
Okay, okay, Mr man(to driver) , give him something to repair his mirror( to camry guy)
DRIVER
(nods his head)
Brings out ruffled 1000 naira notes from his pocket
Gives the camry guy some of the money, as the camry man enters his car and zoom off.
DRIVER (CONT’D)
Thank you.
As he tries to walk back to his bus
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
hey, hey mr man come back come back, na why i no like to dey help you people, i walk from my office-come here- help u settle am - u kan dy tell me thank you.
DRIVER
Oga..
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
Wetin, oga wetin , na thank you i go chop ,find me something ? I never chop dis morning ,find me something.
CONDUCTOR
Oga forget am , baba leave am ha leave dat one.
As the policeman get infuriated by the conductor words
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
My friend, shut up ,i go take you go station, roger ,roger...
CHUKWUDI
(barely audible)
Give him something, make we dey go, abi na hear we wan sleep?
MRS ADEYANJU
Abi o
CHUKWUDI
Give am , give am , sebi na ashawo and regal go collect all ya money, no waste our time for here o , i no get time for rubbish ,conductor conductor give am na..
The conductor can’t take anymore of this
CONDUCTOR
(gbaaa)
The conductor lands him a slap on his face
CHUKWUDI
My eye, eh eh, my eye, you dn die today
Lift his hands up and ready to fight the conductor, the conductor gives him a dirty blow on his face as fight erupt between the two
DRIVER
Leave dem, leave dem, make dem fight, were’ , oloshi( to chukwudi)
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
(stand watching them)
Conductor pushes chukwudi as he goes flying into a nearby gutter, conductor rushes with him into the gutter and pounces on chukwudi.
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN (CONT’D)
Stop stop , I say stop , come come.. come here
Chukwudi and conductor both walk towards the policeman
CHUKWUDI
Sir, arrest him
CONDUCTOR
Foolish man , stupid man
AGGRESIVE POLICEMAN
Both of you , follow me..
The passengers stand by watching as the drama unfolds
MRS ADEYANJU
My change o ,conductor change, change
The policeman drags both of them away.
Driver enters his bus and the journey continues..

Well, there's humour in it. So Chukwudi's all mouth?

nice piece

hahaha...I see slapstick in this...very funny.

Grabs popcorn. Waiting for more updates.

lol!! Nice one..
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All izz well!

ha!, the comments are so friendly , i was not really pleased with the way i posted this script on nairaland, it was all clustered and not like how i wrote it on my first draft app on my laptop, if anyone knows how i can post it to make it very readable in a proper script format without copy and paste format ,please you can let me know.