**thinking***




Some names and places are slightly altered so that anonimity of those concerned can still be maintained, however, this alteration is only minimal




**thinking**

I like writing a lot, not about myself though, but I've passed through hell, seen fun times and right now, I'm in a mix of both far emotion- mood swings if you may say.

Love has two edges

I've not been lucky with love, I've suffered it, but why? Why must every good guy say why me? I gave them my heart and they played ping-pong with it, all of them, none was nice: Sandra, Cecilia, Lima. They all ran over my heart with a tractor, each time I pick it up, mend it, and what do I do? I give it to the next monster in eve's body. Why me Lord? Why me?

Lima was different, she seemed so nice, I remembered the first time I saw her, I was sitting at the back of our class, she came in, took excuse from the teacher holding her bag; what a shy goddess she was, she gave a letter to our teacher who introduced her as the newest student in class, she barely raised I eyes up when introducing herself, I was lost, damn she was so beautiful, she didn't knew I was watching, no she didn't, she just walked few steps and sat to the closest person at the front, I was distracted for the rest of the period in class, sitting from my perennial back position, I was imagining what would be...

I too was a new student, she just replaced me as the newest in class, I was a young boy then, I got to know I was handsome when I came back to the north, I was born in the north, raised in the north, stayed sometime in Lagos and came back to the north for the rest of my education, so yea, I am handsome, not Trey Songz per se but I am handsome. I didn't know that when I was in Bauchi, then I was looked on as a potential reverend father, I did wanted to be a reverend father then, had no eye for ladies, serious with my study, maybe it was for this reason the ladies didn't take looks at me. I was one of the most intelligent student in my School, very shy when it came to women, social settings, and so forth, but I was a lion when it came to church activities or my books. I left Bauchi as the best student in my school during JSSCE, left for Lagos and didn't resume until one month to the close of SS1 first semester. In Lagos, I metamorphosed into a different person who left Bauchi, went to church only 3 times that year, I didn't have that much confident, and I was laughed at for being Hausa, simply because I came from the north, I was now Hausa, even if I wasn't a Hausa man, neither was I a Muslim, I wondered where the tag came from, I wondered when being an Hausa had become a crime, an insult. Suffice it to say the my self esteem was bruised and badly battered in Lagos, we were transferred back to the north and this time, I wasn't a Hausa boy as there are real Hausa boys here, being a Hausa boy was not anything that would warrant tease from low self esteem people, I came back funnier, not a holier than thou, and I was still intelligent, and I found it easy to come back to the top of my class again, not when I had to struggle with 10 other students in lagos to cart away the apex prize.

She was asked her first question and she answered it correctly, she was quite intelligent I thought, that week ran through, the month crawled after it, and she didn't notice me.

Now the scenario is thus, I, Lima and Sandra were classmates, before Lima came, I was friendly with Sandra, I knew she liked me, I liked her, she thought I was cool, saw me as been rich though she knew I wasn't so rich, because I came from Lagos, I played the Ajebor part well, I was wanted I could tell, ladies talked about me after classes, I was in another world. But I was still shy, when Sandra came close to me, my heart would pounce to my skull, and bounce up and down severally, I was still shy with ladies, nervous around them, so I tried to hide my nervousness and my acting was never understood by Sandra who thought I didn't like her or something, it was during this time that Lima came. Lima and Sandra and some other girls soon became friends and they walked in packs hence, for this reason, I soon started talking with Lima after speaking with Sandra, I was still as shy as a millipede. Me and Sandra never worked, and we soon realised it but continued discussions as friends fullstop. I and Lima soon became friends and before our WAEC and NECO finished, we had become good friends, a friendship independent of either of us knowing Sandra before.

I graduated and left for the State, never really dating Lima or Sandra

3 months later and I'm in touch with Sandra, different states we were, we called and laughed and the magic that never was surfaced, I had my first love, we came and checked each other up, a hot romance it was, but it was short lived, months later, a call came in from her and that was it, it ended as soon as it started. She left the country 6 months later and we've never set eyes again.

I never tasted love, what I and Sandra had wasn't love, we only consummated the passion we had years back, she was gone and I was left with shattered heart, I found solace in my books again, took to my studies hard and heard from my colleagues in my former schools that JAMB scores wasn't easy to come by, a certain friend of mine, guru we called him had 179 in JAMB, I wanted studying Medicine and the cut off was generally 220 and above. I had to study for myself and that I did, tried NDA January of 2007 and missed it by the whiskers, I did pass the exams but not the interview. May same year and I wrote JAMB, 265 was the score, applied for two shools, one was to write Post UME september of that year, I heard the other one would be January of the next (this was later found out not to be true). Between May and September I found a job doing, unfortunately, it gave me time out from my studies and when September came, I was half prepared, entered for the exam and I found out I need not prepare at all, cheap questions was set infront of me, boy! I should have bought a wristwatch with one of my salary, I didn't finish on time, had 188 and the cut off was about 170, only 50 students were admitted into Medicine with at most 2 from each state,in my state, I was the 3rd highest and so I missed out, many state had one and some had 2 whose scores were not up to mine, quota they call it, that was what denied me admission into Medicine but I was given Veterinary medicine

It was while studying Veterinary Medicine I met with Cecilia, I quiet and humble girl (at least for the first 3 months), I saw her like a church girl, very pretty and soon we became pals. Before you know what, we were seen all over Campus, she asked me questions about drinking, smoking, partying, and so on, now I don't do the last two, but there was barely any party of reckon in School that I missed. When asked, I said no to all, I never knew she was a party Owl like I am, so I sneaked to parties and she sneaked to orientation parties and so on. I wasn't looking for a new girl neither did I had intentions of cheating, for that reason, I never fancied orientation parties which is for Jambitos ready to explore, my girl had another 2 months later and she tried hiding both of us from each other. She was cool, never showed she didn't love me, but she was sort of sampling both of us, if I had tried sampling her with another, I guess she wouldn't have fancied that, we parted at 10 o'clock P.M one night and she said she was feeling sleepy, saw her to the hostel gate, and from there went to mi hostel, I couldn't sleep so I went back to school with some books to read, needed calculator reading statistics that night so I dashed back to the hostel to get it, on my way going, I saw a figure in front of me with a guy, both holding each other, arms clutched, she walked just like Cecilia, looked very much like her from the rear, but it was late and dark so I didn't know for sure, I walked anyway, striding forward, hoping it wasn't my Cecilia, when I reached them, it was obvious it was my very own Cecilia, I wanted stopping them, shouting, give her a good query, "what the hell is happening here? Who the hell is this nigggger" on a after thought, I felt like I should just walk, keep walking and go, she aint worth it I guessed, I continued on the gruelsome walk to the hostel, got my calculator and started back, my foot was hesitant, I didn't believe it, I gave her love, gave her everything, we were hands clutched moments ago, what happened? Can't Nigeria girls live with a guy without cheating? I was angry, I was disappointed, I wanted to cry, I thought we would work, I loved her....I hate her now, I hated her when I saw those love figure in the dark, she hurt me and I hated her for that. I came back to the class with a passion I never had before, hated her that night and saw the love for my books go up. I read till 3 A.M, forgot I saw the ghostly love silhouettes, I walked back to the hostel and slept like a baby.

Next day we saw, she was upbeat, she had seen me last night but was unsure if I had seen her, she called me my nick name, gave me a hug, nothing moved, I was looking at a different her, she didn't ask me what was wrong, she only wanted confirming if I was angry, and if I was, that would mean I did see her. I didn't show her I was angry, I moved on last night, that was fast but I did, we chatted and I left. Something wasn't just right she could smell but I had moved on, I really loved her and some would question my love for her that "why did I not feel hurt? 3 hours was just too short to move on", but I hated her that night, barely 2 months into us dating and she has started cheating, I was only falling in love, I wasn't head over heels in love so my coming out was easy. Saw her in the lab! We always said hi, that week, we parted several meters away, but I did grieve, my heart hurt, the next week she started moving on too, she wasn't hiding to walk with the other nigggger again, I first saw her entering the hostel with him, she didn't see me, I saw her and the dude going to the salon, she didn't see me, each time I grieved, a hot knife sliced through my heart, I died a little looking at them. The issue was, I had naughty friends, they love me but they would laugh first, we were a silly bunch back then, they came back telling me they saw that girl with a so and so guy. I died. That report was repeated for weeks until they knew all wasn't well, they told me to forget about her, that she aint worth it. I never hated Sandra, she hurt me and I never hated her, I don't know where this one for Cecilia is coming from. It later varnished, hate changed to indifference and I was the best student in my Class that year. She made me read.

And so I wrote this exam and came out among the top 6 student out of an application of over fifty thousand students, yeepie! I had been offered Medicine and surgery, I was finally smiling, scrolled through my phone, called some old pals and I stumbled on Lima's number, called her and we had a good chat, our calls became frequent and longer, and before long, the magic of yesterdays was torched.