I need some advice, i am kinda confused right now. I have a 9 month old baby at home, and actually i havent worked since i put to bed as my hubby wanted the baby to get to at least nine months before i commence work. I am a doctor, i also have a masters degree. Problem now is that i am confused which route to take. I got a very high paying job, in which i would be able to use my knowledge gotten from the msc. However this high paying job has lots of work hours, and travel both domestic and foreign (35%). On the other hand, i got a normal government medical officer job (in this case i have no use for the masters here). This is about half the salary of the high paying job, but with more time for family, and no travel out of lagos.

This is my first child so i dont really know what bringing up a toddler entails. Do you think my husband is right in his advise to take the lower paying job? Whats your experience with combining hectic work schedule with bringing up kids. I dont want to wake up in the next 20 years and start wondering why i never pursued my dream and career.
Please advise

You shouldn't have married if you wanted a career. It's one or the other.
I woulda gone for the career.

Family will be there long after career is over. Do not sacrifice your family for career.
You don't want to wake up after 20 years and not have anyone.

chinwe11: I need some advice, i am kinda confused right now. I have a 9 month old baby at home, and actually i havent worked since i put to bed as my hubby wanted the baby to get to at least nine months before i commence work. I am a doctor, i also have a masters degree. Problem now is that i am confused which route to take. I got a very high paying job, in which i would be able to use my knowledge gotten from the msc. However this high paying job has lots of work hours, and travel both domestic and foreign (35%). On the other hand, i got a normal government medical officer job (in this case i have no use for the masters here). This is about half the salary of the high paying job, but with more time for family, and no travel out of lagos.

This is my first child so i dont really know what bringing up a toddler entails. Do you think my husband is right in his advise to take the lower paying job? Whats your experience with combining hectic work schedule with bringing up kids. I dont want to wake up in the next 20 years and start wondering why i never pursued my dream and career.
Please advise

wow! I feel u.I may be single but i understand u to an extent.My dear,pls put ur child first.I work in a private hsptl that pays well,but will not hesitate to resign when i start having kids due to my crazy schedule.If hubby feels u need to give the kid more time,pls do so.D'nt give anyone an excuse to blame u tomorrow ''if'' things go wrong.Your certificate remains wif u.I believe u can get a much better job than the present one.But ur absence during ur kid's formative years can NEVER be recaptured.Let the good Lord lead u.All the best!

I feel it depends on wats more important to u.... Weda ur career or ur family... U chose wat u want n earn to live with d consequence...

Apart from d above.. U need to say weda ur hubby has a job and his income combined with urs can run d family smoothly(or is alone).. Though it depends on hw u run d fiancial matters in ur home.

Dear you are a woman and in a woman's world family comes first. So take the job that gives you sufficient time for your family

Awakulowo likes money even more than himself but his family comes first before anything.

Really, i understand ur confusion. The situation u find urself in is one of those i hate most. Unfortunately, life makes us make some tough choices.


First i want to ask: are u absolutely sure there is no way u can manage the new job and ur family such that you dont fail on either fronts, and still retain your sanity?

U hav to decide for urself which u would regret more wen u reflect on ur life in the future.

And u have to consider that this is ur first child and u may want more in future.

If u decide to let go of the new job, i think it will help if u tel urself in advance that no matter what, u wil not regret ur decision cos YOU made what u considered to b the best decision given the circumstance

finally, if you believe in prayers, pease pray....

chinwe11: I need some advice, i am kinda confused right now. I have a 9 month old baby at home, and actually i havent worked since i put to bed as my hubby wanted the baby to get to at least nine months before i commence work. I am a doctor, i also have a masters degree. Problem now is that i am confused which route to take. I got a very high paying job, in which i would be able to use my knowledge gotten from the msc. However this high paying job has lots of work hours, and travel both domestic and foreign (35%). On the other hand, i got a normal government medical officer job (in this case i have no use for the masters here). This is about half the salary of the high paying job, but with more time for family, and no travel out of lagos.

This is my first child so i dont really know what bringing up a toddler entails. Do you think my husband is right in his advise to take the lower paying job? Whats your experience with combining hectic work schedule with bringing up kids. I dont want to wake up in the next 20 years and start wondering why i never pursued my dream and career.
Please advise

You also wouldn't want to wake up in the next 20years to realise you don't even know your own kids and your husband anymore.

Nobody will set your priorities right for you. You will do so yourself.

My belief is that as a married woman, you should endeavour to strike a balance between the home front and your career because at the end of the day, you will have only this family to fall back on.

I suppose your husband is quite comfortable and finance isn't really the issue here, but your 'career'. I'd advise you take up the government job so that you can spend quality time with your husband and your kid. Your child (and I think your marriage) is still too young to be abandoned for career. This is the time to nuture it. Do not underestimate the importance of a mother's attention and time in the growing years of a child. When the child(ren) is(are) grown to a certain age, you can then go for your goals.

Being a medical officer in a govt hospital isn't totally out of place. Its just a little sacrifice you have to make for a while.

If u focus too much on money u'll never be happy. I think the best job for a women with kids to look after is a job that doesn't take all her time. l envy primary school teachers. Enough said lady.

Winneygirl: Family will be there long after career is over. Do not sacrifice your family for career.
You don't want to wake up after 20 years and not have anyone.

babe u just took the words outer my brain. @op rmember, FAMILY COMES FIRST one day, u'll retire from ur job, but u can't retire from ur child/children

you are a doctor and a mother. yes money is important but i will advise you to stay with govt job. besides most of these high paying doctor jobs aren't always permanent. and you will get bored with time.

money!!! money!!! And more money!!!.am nt reali sure u shuld be considering anyfin family comes first.i dnt knw abt u buh men find it easy nowadays to cheat on women i'd say its d increasing population of desperate and broke women.am nt sure u'd want a nanny to take care of ur child 2geda wif u husband xcept an ugly one.people bond easily nowadays especially while watching movies.a word is...

Heliesha: .am nt sure u'd want a nanny to take care of ur child 2geda wif u husband xcept an ugly one...

Even the ugly one, when conji comes we go cover their face with towel and ask her to use madam's perfume.

Winneygirl's post was brief but made sense.
And to add, i also know a woman who had to
resign from her high paying job to spend time with
her kids. She now has a job with a lower pay but
which gives her time to spend with her kids.
I think i read a saying about a week ago which goes along the line that, 'all women with babies
might be fertile but not all her mothers.'
In this age that we live where crime is on the
increase daily, i think it's not a bad idea that quality
time should be spent with kids to nurture them and
inculcate in them, good morals and help them develop good behaviours. Don't starve your kids of
your presence, lavish them with it.
And the issue seems to be on the paycheck. I'd
advise that you opt in for any job that will not
consume most of your time. It's obvious that you
have great dreams but sacrificing it for your kids should not be too much to ask for.
And to end it, you can choose to go with the high
paying jobs, you might still retain your family, your
kids night grow up to match up your imaginative
expectations of them, the family bond might still be
there..... But chances are low that, that would ever happen.
Don't sacrifice your family for your job

My dear, talk it over with your husband. Who knows what compromise you can reach. Just like you talked it here with us. There are always alternatives to every situation. Maybe you can find a Job with an international organization based in Nigeria which will require little or no travel. At most travel within the country, or an administrative position. If you were that ambitious you should have put marriage off, and accomplished what you needed to before settling down. If you did not have your sights on such a career path from the beginning you would not have applied for that job.

Your husband is an EMEMY OF THE FEMININE STATE!
Time to teach him a gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood lesson.
Work on that.

*5PM almost. . . . time for work. . . HALLELUJAH. . . . logging off the damn net*

You might be able to combine the two. There are mothers that are ED's in banks, etc. You have to prioritize. Try the high powered job for at least 2yrs, you may end up being able to cope. If you can't, it will be on ur CV that u did the job and may help u negotiate for higher pay.

A man that will cheat will cheat right under your nose. So forget that side. Talk with someone who has experienced this. Dont give up your dreams because you got married. This same kids you are fighting for will grow up and have thier own lives. Simply find a way to balance both.

Woman, take the job that will give you more satisfaction. As for the kid, it's both of your responsibility, it's as much his responsibly as it is yours to bring that child up. Don't let him tie you down with that kid, chasing his dreams, and leave you with regret, dissatisfaction down the line. A government job can be the worst thing that could happen to you. Go to a place where you can fulfill your potential. Goodluck.

It is easy for me to take the easy way out and tell you to go for the govt MO job. But as much as i want to tell you to resign from your current job, i know what it feels like not to have job satisfaction. It is frustrating. Infact, the truth is, you may end up loosing at both ends. Now i'm going to ask you these questions.

1) What does your husband do to help with the baby? Is he the 'it's a woman's job type'? Who stays with the baby whenever you have to be absent?
2) Can your husband's income with whatever you are able to get support your family? If you 'accidentally' add another member soon, will it still be enough?
3) Is there a way you can strike a balance btw maintaining your home and your work? Your husband must have seen that something is lacking, that is why he wants you to resign.
4) Forget about the big pay, small pay issue. Will you be able to derive the dame happiness you get from your current job from the prospective job?
5) If you have doubts as regards going for a less demanding but less paying job (you obviously do), is there a way you can talk to your husband LOVINGLY AND POLITELY to see reasons with you? Possibly wothout 3rd parties?

Now i have to prepare you. ItLs a 2-way thing. He may agree and he may not. If he still doesn't see reasons with you, then you may have to compromise. Your home is much more important than any job in the world, so if he doesnt, pls try as much as possible not to resent him. See it as a sacrifice you have to make for the sake of your home and try as much as possible to be haappy. I wish you the best.

So, ChinWe, is hubby asking you to choose a job with less pay or one with less commitments? Smh