It was 10.31pm on a Sunday night as I turned on my right side on the bed from my previous spread-eagled position. I was tired from my going around during the day. I wondered why I was yet asleep since about one hour ago I laid on my bed. I brought out my iPhone from under my pillow, unlocked it and stared blankly into it. I scrolled from one menu screen to the other, then I tapped 'photos'. I scanned through the 438 pictures on it. Saw my late mum's pictures and paused.

I continued scanning through. Seeing my EX's pictures, I closed the app and locked the phone. I turned to the other side of the bed, brought out my fingers and counted the number of days it's been since October 30th, 2012. It's been 395 days since my mother's painful depart from this world. A tear rolled out of the corner of my eye as I remembered it's been one year + a month since the death of my mother. I tried suppressing it but it's was if I was adding a catalyst. I couldn't hold it any longer. I cried so much that my pillow was getting soaked from my tears. I relaxed a bit and imagined the my 'best friend' which is the pillow consoling me while still getting pissed at me for soaking him in my tears. I took the pillow from under my head and hugged it very tightly. I started saying something about everything getting alright but I stopped abruptly as I remembered my EX again. This time, I didn't ignore the thought this time around.
I remembered how seriously close we used to be. I called her name to in my mind 'Tomi'. Saying it out the second time, I sat upright, resting my back on the wall beside my bed. I said to myself "Tomi, why did you destroy 'us' so badly??"

My mind flashed back to when I first met Tomi about two years ago on a social networking app. I was in SS2 then at University of Ilorin Secondary School, Ilorin. A renowned secondary school in Ilorin. Before then, I did some of my junior classes at a different school. 'LIC' as it was called then by our set of students because we were the pioneer set of the school. Tomi was my junior at LIC, I never knew her though. Not until I met her on the social networking app. I remembered chatting up Tomi. Her responses weren't so rude but, they weren't encouraging either. On learning that she was attending LIC, I went to check her profile details. On checking her profile picture, I saw what I could have easily described as the most attractive girl I've seen in recent times. I shook the thought off and said in my mind that "go jhor, u can't be this attractive jare". But then, asked myself "what if I was just trying to fool myself". "What if she is even more attractive than I've seen in the picture??" There and then I talked to myself "I'm dating this girl jare". My other mind told me that "what if she rejects you? You know you are a learner when it comes to 'toasting' and dating. You better hold yourself and forget about any girl. "Hmm, you are saying the truth o" I reasoned with my mind. "But, how do u know she will reject me But notwithstanding, I will still try. I know what to do. I will go slow and steady. Yes!" I said to myself. "See how ugly u look. And u expect her not to reject u? My friend, u must be joking with your stupid, damn self. Plus u are not so rich. You are just an average nigger whose mum seizes his phone every 3 months. So, you see??" My mind argued back. I knew I wasn't winning the little imaginative battle between me and my mind, but in other to save myself, my day and my time from destruction, I stopped listening to my mind or so I thought and brought out my headset, plugged it in my phone and started playing music. But my mind doesn't give up so easily whenever we have our imaginary 'fight', it continued....

Please people. Anybody reading should please make comments, constructive criticism and or encouragements please. This is my first time writing and It can be really challenging indeed.. Thanks in advance

It continued "do you think you'll just get this girl for free?? She looks like she's got a lot of class. And moreover, u are a poor boy. How do u expect to cope?"
My body got tired as it listened to my mind exchange words with my brain while my brain tries to convince my mind that I could date the girl. My mind continued "okay, I know most of your mates already have girl/boy friends. But, that's not enough reason for you to have one too". My brain replied "I'm not listening to whatever you are trying to tell me now. Just let me be and see how I get into the girls heart". My mind let out a high-pitched mock laughter after which it said "see this mumu boy oo. E be like say you don chop craze sotey you no know wetin u dey talk again. Which girl u wan get into her heart?? My friend, u don high!" My brain was still adamant but he didn't argue with my mind again.
I later learnt Tomi had a boyfriend but I still didn't give up on Tomi. I started chatting her up and knowing her better by the day though we never saw each other then.

Days passed into months,I started missing Tomi. Always wishing to speak to her. I used to call her almost everyday because of her velvety baby voice which I couldn't resist. I had thoughts of letting myself fall In love the second time but I ignored them. I and Tomi became good friends. We got really close. Most of the time when she gets sad and moody due to her boyfriend's nonchalant attitude towards her. She complained so much to me about him but being the passionate and sensitive person I am, I always advised her to go back since she loves him. While hiding the hurt inside my heart.
As days passed by, some of my close friends noticed I was always smiling alone to myself, always checking my phone to see if I had a missed call or message from someone. They started guessing its some girl that's behind the madness I had been displaying lately. They started asking questions. I had no option than to fill them in on what was going on. They started asking me to ask her out but I told them she has a relationship and I advise her to keep it. They rained abuses on me for being so foolish when I could easily take advantage of the situation at hand. I told them that I just want her to be happy with or without me.

• • • • • •

It's been a year since I met Tomi on the chat app and we were still yet to see each other except through pictures. By then, we could easily pass for a couple if any 'olofofo' reads out chats/messages. I had realised I really loved Tomi. But I never told her.
By then I had written my WAEC and passed with a good result. My mum was overwhelmed with joy when she saw my result. She was afraid I might not have made it due to my seemingly nonchalant attitude towards my studies. After my WAEC result, I couldn't scale through my jamb as I was supposed to. I had to apply for a pre-degree programme at FUTMINNA. Towards the end of the year, which is also the time I was supposed to leave Ilorin for Minna, my mum got extremely sick. My mum was a Matron at UITH(University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital). So, going by her experience, she decided she was treating herself at home. She tried all the drugs she knew was going to help her condition. But all to no avail as she was confined to the four corners of her bedroom.
"What a world!" I said to myself one day while staying by my mum's sick bed. She was later admitted at UITH for about two weeks before she got discharged on the grounds that nothing was wrong with her. But, while it was obvious that a lot was wrong with her, we couldn't help but to thank God that she got better a bit after her discharge from the hospital. She got better by the day and the whole family was getting happy again.

But, did the happiness last long?? Or was it short-lived??

Find out in my next update as you follow me on a short ride in the 'bus' of my life.....