TIPS ON PERSUATIONARY COMMUNICATIONS©
(How to Help Your Opponent Reach the Conclusions You Desire)©
-- Attorney Patryk Utulu

As we honor the legacy of Nelson Mandela let’s reflect on his winning methodologies. Serious subjects (politics/religion/law enforcement, etc.) generate unending controversy. Sometimes those on opposite sides speak plainly and reasonably. Often, opponents speak with passionate rage or simply to annoy others people. Many speak with absolutism because their belief has NEVER been seriously challenged. Few ever speak from cold logic....because the truth is that cold logic HARDLY EVER wins arguments.

Regardless of the issue, anyone who aims to lead or win must ask themselves: if your objective is to EXPAND THE HUMAN RESOURCES of your group or position ARE YOU BETTER OFF USING insults and intimidation that brings lip-smacking satisfaction and nothing else OR would it be better to uses subtle persuasions and some degree of open-mindedness to help opponents reach the conclusion you desire?

That’s what leadership is all about! (Getting difficult things done, getting the best out of everyone and making each person feel valuable….including those who opposed the objective in the first place)

What degree of open-mindedness, you might ask? Of course, I don’t suggest that you open my mind to a point that invites other people to fill it with garbage. Nor am I suggesting that you relax your principles to a degree that degrades core aspects of your belief system. You probably already know or think you know how to handle these types of situations. Still it won't hurt to review some of the communication strategies we offer clients – CEO’s of Corporations, Law Enforcement Strategists, Consumer Advocates, etc. – who retain our firm for strategic communications initiatives. Of course, there are advanced versions of communication strategies, but below, you will find a few fundamentals. We advise clients:

(1) To sleep over what appears to be an insult. Note: this is not always practical but it is useful tactic to master for dealing with peers and superiors. Sometimes the very worst thing you can do is respond to an annoyance instantly. You will be surprised how often an 'insult' will feel less so the-day-after.

(2) To keep in mind that arguments and disagreements are unusually with outsiders who are not your children or family members. Because you are dealing with non-relative superiors, peers or subordinates you should not expect them to always instantaneously accept your views. You do not lose authority by explaining your vision and why you expect other people to carry out certain instructions. People may obey you out of fear but if they understand what the objective is, they are more likely to follow your instructions and (where necessary), use their personal initiatives to accomplish those goals for you.

(3) To remember that the first person to persuade is you. It is a great tactic to force yourself to “see” or acknowledge other persons’ point even if they are worthless. People can be persuaded to see change their minds/follow you if they believe that you respect the legitimacy of their own points. An uncommon truism among lawyers is that no one wins arguments unless he is willing and ready to loss arguments

(4) To accept the possibility – the inevitability —that there are some people you just cannot persuade or don’t want to be persuaded by you. Resist the temptation to make enemies of those who resist you. Instead, regard them as yet-to-be-persuaded opponents who, depending on circumstances, can be useful.

(5) To avoid name-calling at all cost! It is childish, emotional and unproductive to trash your superiors, peers or subordinates because they displeased you. Warning: Those you call nasty names tend not to remember any points you made and equally, NEVER FORGET the unflattering names you called them.

(6) To keep some of your disappointment to yourself. Telling everyone your disappointment makes you vulnerable to office gossips: subordinates mock you behind your back; peers lose respect if they think you are weak; superiors won’t give you important responsibility if they feel you can’t deal with stress!

(7) To learn to deliberately let your opponents win some points on some issues at some time. You don’t lose by letting opponents win a few minor points. The tactic is that sometimes you stoop to conquer.

( To ensure that your subordinates know that even when you disagree with them you appreciate their feedback. A leader who makes subordinates afraid to speak up will keep losing critical information.

(9) To ask people to CLARIFY their statements. Given a chance people will tell you what they meant to say. But if you trap someone with insults or threats they will shut down out of fear or hold on to their unproductive statement or position out of the need to avoid humiliation.

(10) To NOT TAKE too seriously any perceived insult or statement about you, your group or position. Some seemingly insulting statements are made from haste, ignorance or fear. Tell yourself that you have a responsibility to better inform people about yourself or your goals. Clarify before confrontation!

(11) To always move on once you have made your point, especially if you are winning. It does not help to add “salt” to “injury” once your point is made. Humiliating the other person DOESN’T add to the weight or value of the good points you’ve already made. Humiliating your opponent (superior, peer or subordinate) after you’ve made your point brings you nothing but needleless enmity.

FINALLY, NEVER FORGET THAT THE ESSENCE OF PERSUATIONARY COMMUNICATION is to attract new people to your cause, position or persuade other people to your point of view. So avoid creating situations that others will interpret as intolerance, hostility or intimidation. Often, it is your method – rather than the issue – that destroys your arguments and drives people away. Don't end up talking only to yourself and those who already agree with you! Get your leadership skill to that level where you help your superiors, peers or subordinates to reach the conclusion that you desire and still make everyone feel like a winner.

In other words, with strategic communications skill training, it is possible to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that he actually looks forward to it.

Patryk A. Utulu is a U.S.-based attorney and Strategic Communications Consultant
[All Rights Reserved 2013. All materials subject to Copyright Privileges and Immunities]