SmashingM: My dear, you should have taken care of this while you guys were dating but since you didn't, here's my advice. Steal that girl's phone number from your husband's phone and take her BB pin too. Call her and let her know who is calling, threaten, insult and bully her till she leaves your husband alone. In fact, know personal things about her and let her know your husband has been calling her a slut behind her back. Tell her your husband sent you to warn her for him. Send 2 or 3 rough looking boys to go warn her. Believe me it works.

You are fighting for your husband. Fight using everything in you if you want your husband.

no even try am, if you do according to this comment, then you are giving the lady upper hand .

SmashingM: My dear, you should have taken care of this while you guys were dating but since you didn't, here's my advice. Steal that girl's phone number from your husband's phone and take her BB pin too. Call her and let her know who is calling, threaten, insult and bully her till she leaves your husband alone. In fact, know personal things about her and let her know your husband has been calling her a slut behind her back. Tell her your husband sent you to warn her for him. Send 2 or 3 rough looking boys to go warn her. Believe me it works.

You are fighting for your husband. Fight using everything in you if you want your husband.

don't try this method if time is not taken u may even give the lady upper hand over your husband.

mimi237: Thanks for all your advice. I didn't marry outta desperation & he is not a rich guy or the only son. I just can't imagine myself calling her to warn her. No class in it. My hubby is my challenge,he doesn't mind keeping malice with me. At this point it''s just prayer that is my weapon.

and he's behaving like this in a marriage not even up to 2 months?

God help u sis

In my opinion, op pls note,
there are people we can't get along with, don't like them, yet we can't avoid them, but can't tell why, I called them COMPULSORY EVIL (FELLOW).

Let me not add salt to your already injured heart by blaming you for overlooking danger signals while courting. The deal had been done, now what next.

MY ADVICE:
Show him more affectionate and passionate love that you've not shown before. Injects some life, fond, sparks or light in your love life. Be more caring, pay more attention on his strengths-the good part of him and less on his weaknesses-the bad part of him. If not for anything, remember the good olden days

Be more decent but attractive and sexy in your dressing. This appeals to the sense of most men and built confidence in them whenever they're with their lady. Its true that most ladies turn blind eyes on this factor after marriage and expect miracle to keep their marriage going

Be homie, focus on what he likes and hates, try as much as possible to make him feel at home with you. Nice meals will not be a bad idea

Avoid direct confrontation, expressions of emotional pain or displeasure and arguments with him. A man may clap and even enjoy seeing his wife arguing (bravely) with another man or group of people outside, but when such arguments is taken to the husband (especially on fictitious ground), you messed up your virtue and that will definitely affect his gestures towards you

Prayer is the key. It is said and believe that "a prayer-less Christian is a powerless Christian". prayer in this sense means depending less on your ability, strength, knowledge and wisdom and depending MORE ON THE OMNIPOTENT in your marriage. This is because all physical manifestation have spiritual undertones. And finally,

Silence and pretence does the miracle sometimes. To the students of social psychology, silence and pretence are defense mechanism to calm down the nerves against anger, emotional stress and tension and make you focus on the important issues at hand. It denies the existence of a particular problem.

Stop monitoring his phones. You will only get yourself hurt the more, thereby losing the essential character needed to overcome this moment of trials.

there's been a strong chemistry (bond) between them before you came in and the necessary steps to protect against this was not taken before marriage. Rooms were not build in a day. Be patient.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

The signs ar too obvious, they were in a long term relationship b4 u came in and he married u, they're still very close, they always keep in contact. In summary OP is just a trophy wife, his real love is out dere. Ur eida gonna have 2 b content wit being a trophy wife in a loveless marriage or divorce him. For u 2 b fighting ova anoda woman dis early in d marriage, means he probably married u for reasons other dan luv. Mayb he was pressured 2 get married n den he found u n married u within months.

@Op!i hope u av a job and a seperate bank acount for urself.

@op don't be discouraged at all. All i will advice you do is to stop snooping his phone and get yourself busy with yours. make him feel you care less about what he does and concentrate on yourself. dnt fill your thoughts with what he has with some other girl and concentrate on how sexy you can be asap.Believe me he doesn't love that girl. he just has it mind that you are his wife and you will always be there,even if he married her he will behave the same way towards her. Life is how you make it so you choose if you want to be the bitter wife monitoring her man's phone all the time or the cheerful sexy wife who is full of life. dnt allow him to see only the home keeping and praying side of you it gets boring sometimes, i'm not saying you shouldn't pray for him but don't make it so obvious. He said that girl is a drama queen right? so what are you waiting for ? let the drama begin.

Op this is really serious..this guy is taking u for granted because he loves another woman and knows hopefully 2015 she will be ready and he will have her..u need to be alert because this marriage seems to be only u in it..
Confront him...ask him his intentions with u and did girl..because u can't waste your time if he has affections for another..ur going to be hurting a lot and it will affect the marriage later..u don't want to av any reggrets ....hopefully u could meet a marriage councillor to discuss this issue.

Ariyke: and he's behaving like this in a marriage not even up to 2 months?

God help u sis

Its really serious no love in that marriage

I don't believe this story. It was cooked up. How can a husband be chatting with his ex on his honeymoon? Totally impossible. The man's mind would be all on testing that "thing" yet again. Nice one guys!

But gf u should have read d handwriting on d wall b4 u went ahead 2 marry him, d point his, he does not love u @ all. Coz a man dat claim 2 love his wife we do anything 4 her just 2 c her happy not making her 2 feel sad. Try and talk 2 than Lord only him can solve ur problem.

ARareGem: Dear Mimi, I'm sorry to read about your predicament. But first of all, you ought to have known that a man is hardly more romantic in marriage than he was when courting. So then you really shouldn't expect more.

Second, you were aware of the insanely close relationship between your fiancé (husband) and his lady friend, didn't that raise any red flags in your mind before you went to the altar? I mean this issue should have been cleared long before now. You make it apparent to see that your husband still has feelings for the other woman.

Third, it's quite alarming that a newly weded husband is not bothered that his wife gets upset because of a bothersome relationship he has with another woman. Though we've only heard one part of the story, so I want to believe there's more than you let us know.

I would advise you to put the other woman out of your mind. Try to avoid checking his calls and messages so you don't further upset yourself and get into a fight with him.

He proposed to you, took you to the altar, exchanged vows with you, he must have seen something beautiful and real in you that made him do all these. So be willing to fight for your marriage. Do those things that please him, cook for him, clean for him, chat with him, show him more love. Avoid complaints, murmurings, quarrels. If he's not bringing home the romance, then YOU bring home the romance. Fight for your marriage.

And if you're a Christain, prayers never hurt.

Well said. In addition to that, if you can find the lady, befriend her. When your hubby finds out, he may realise what he has been doing. Dont play the jealous wife.I think it makes the men want to continue

mimi237: My hubby & I dated a few months before getting married last month. While we were dating, one of his 'ex' he said to have dated a year ago,but couldn't take the relationship further,because she is not ready for marriage till 2015 when she would be 23. They kip close tabs that my hubby calls her in my presence while we were courting before he goes to bed,but doesn't do same to me while am away. He told me that he can't let her go,that she is just a friend & a drama queen because she likes attention. I saw no harm in that,months went by he didn't stop chatting wit her. I was away in lagos preparing for our wedding,my hubby was always chatting her up calling her names he never called me or romantic words he wld never said to me. I almost called the wedding off but my Mum told me he wld learn to be romantic. My hubby was busy lavishing the romance on his 'Ex'. During our wedding she called him,was asking what was happening,I was so pissed I had to control myself. During the honeymoon too she was chatting & calling. 2weeks ago I saw the chat between him & d lady I was so heart broken. Things he never said to me,I was so angry we quarreled. My parents had to sought it out. The painful thing is that he still keep tabs with her,not minding the damage on our marriage. Whenever her issue comes up he keeps malice with me I have to start begging. I am so confused

Which marriage. Why are you angry? He has been like that but due to your desperate nature you jumped into the marriage waiting for miracle. You go wait tire.

You are even on the begging side.
Oh chim oh!

You never start, you Berra jump off that marriage or start enjoying it with the other woman.

Your options:

* jump out the way you jumped in


* keep praying and sharing until....God knows when.

* Get your own Ex to chat with.

Not again

One of The worst things that can ever happen to someone is to marry a person who is soooooo attached to an Ex! Chai!! @Op what were u thinking? He is even threatening to go back to her? Are u kidding me?? Are u sure u didnt force yourself on this guy from the get go? U know how ladies love to chewing gum themselves on Men that dnt WANT them?? Are u sure u didnt do that?? Error!! Women!! When will u guys ever use your brains? When?? well, u have heard them all. U have a lot of shit to swallow before things can turn around, that is, IF things would turn around. I guess the above commentators have advised u. Ive got nothing to add.

My dear OP,
I will not critize you about marrying your hubby. People make mistakes in love atimes. You have married the man now. Your husband loves you and the other woman, but for different reasons. She wasn't a wife-material and he knew it. Firstly, you have to sit your hubby down and talk to him (again). Don't ever nag him becos you would be pushing him to her. Be on your best behaviour always. I know you want peace in your home but Stop apologizing everytime he's clearly in the wrong cos it screams that you may have a low self-esteem. Now start to pray. Pray at midnight with that stupid girl's name (try to get her name). Also, give your pastor the girl's name and let him help you in prayer too. You can go to any MFM pastor and they will do it for you. I'm an MFM member and we have prayers like this for such strange women. Believe me, if you do this,the God that join you and your hubby in the marriage will break any bond between that girl and your husband. Don't give up.

jenny2007: My dear OP,
I will not critize you about marrying your hubby. People make mistakes in love atimes. You have married the man now. Your husband loves you and the other woman, but for different reasons. She wasn't a wife-material and he knew it. Firstly, you have to sit your hubby down and talk to him (again). Don't ever nag him becos you would be pushing him to her. Be on your best behaviour always. I know you want peace in your home but Stop apologizing everytime he's clearly in the wrong cos it screams that you may have a low self-esteem. Now start to pray. Pray at midnight with that stupid girl's name (try to get her name). Also, give your pastor the girl's name and let him help you in prayer too. You can go to any MFM pastor and they will do it for you. I'm an MFM member and we have prayers like this for such strange women. Believe me, if you do this,the God that join you and your hubby in the marriage will break any bond between that girl and your husband. Don't give up.

hmmmm, prayer like,oh God of Elijah where are thou!!!!!!!!!arise and fight!----. I love mfm

@ OP Are you kidding me? Somebody need to slap the hell out of that silly man and foolish girl. Wish i can lay my hands on any of them. No wonder some women group complained that the quality of husbands is going down.

Darling I am sorry to say but you married someone else's man. My only advise to you is do not get pregnant until you know where you stand.

I blame you though, I blame you for being so stoopid by marrying him

Hmmmmmm!
Women and this blokos crisis!

OP, pele o!
When you 'UNBREAK' ya 'eart, abeg start anoda thread!

ARareGem: Dear Mimi, I'm sorry to read about your predicament. But first of all, you ought to have known that a man is hardly more romantic in marriage than he was when courting. So then you really shouldn't expect more.

Second, you were aware of the insanely close relationship between your fiancé (husband) and his lady friend, didn't that raise any red flags in your mind before you went to the altar? I mean this issue should have been cleared long before now. You make it apparent to see that your husband still has feelings for the other woman.

Third, it's quite alarming that a newly weded husband is not bothered that his wife gets upset because of a bothersome relationship he has with another woman. Though we've only heard one part of the story, so I want to believe there's more than you let us know.

I would advise you to put the other woman out of your mind. Try to avoid checking his calls and messages so you don't further upset yourself and get into a fight with him.

He proposed to you, took you to the altar, exchanged vows with you, he must have seen something beautiful and real in you that made him do all these. So be willing to fight for your marriage. Do those things that please him, cook for him, clean for him, chat with him, show him more love. Avoid complaints, murmurings, quarrels. If he's not bringing home the romance, then YOU bring home the romance. Fight for your marriage.

And if you're a Christain, prayers never hurt.

You are joking especially the last paragraph right?

The OP is simply the husband's rebound girl. This is a classic case of lack of avaliability.

@OP: Bibilically, there is nothing you can do because he has not cheated on you yet.

I do not know what prayers can do because you knew 101% that your husband did not love you.

Just be prepared to live as flatmates; it would help you prepare mentally not to expect any lovey dovey and if it comes, lucky you.

It will also teach you how to advise your child correctly in future.

Please give the man his space lest he uses frustration to beat you up one day

It is well

bukatyne:

You are joking especially the last paragraph right?

The OP is simply the husband's rebound girl. This is a classic case of lack of avaliability.

@OP: Bibilically, there is nothing you can do because he has not cheated on you yet.

I do not know what prayers can do because you knew 101% that your husband did not love you.

Just be prepared to live as flatmates; it would help you prepare mentally not to expect any lovey dovey and if it comes, lucky you.

It will also teach you how to advise your child correctly in future.

Please give the man his space lest he uses frustration to beat you up one day

It is well

hmmmm u just saod it all. This will also teach we ladies who want to be call mrs at all cost.

mimi237: Thanks for the advice, I cook, I clean the house which he likes so much. Even while he is away, I send him Sms or try to chat him up he would never reply. Even when I know he does to his 'Ex'. While driving if he sees a lady he would look & say fine girl. I don't have a problem with that but he doesn't tell me I am beautiful,we have been thru this issue severally, I tell him how handsome he is & be romantic. I pray for him, he calls me his spiritual strength, sometimes I just wonder if it was love.

U have said it all. They marry you for those reasons yet they are emotionally attached to other. I must tell u it is emotionally draining.

Bla bla bla, indeed she has made a mistake by marrying the guy. Well, they are now MARRIED, what is the way forward?

@OP, if you really love this man and just like you believed initially that he will give his ex up and took a leap of faith and got married, you need to take a leap of faith and act by saving your marriage.

Remember the Bible telling us that faith without works is dead. You just have to confront the b..i..a..t..c..h and tell her to leave your husband alone. Lay it down for her that the man is married to you not her. Join this with your prayer and kindness to your husband and you will see results. Don't let them graduate into sleeping with each other because that will surely happen - with time.
I don't believe the "be patient" strategy will work in this your case. Work on both of them. If you can't confront her yourself alone, find a crazy friend of yours to help you.

It is the above advice or you condition your mind that this marriage may not progress since your man's head is somewhere else. I hate to say move on - the truth is the earlier the better. Let him go and wait for his gf. Know where you stand with him before you give him children. Don't make the mistake to think kids may change his mind.

How are we even sure the Op's husband isn't lieing about the reason why the so called ex didn't wanna marry him. And enough with all these show him love,f.uck him good, dress sexy and all that bs. The man is a hopeless weak loser who was rejected for whatever reason and he used this innocent lady as a rebound and ended up marrying her because he is a weak p..uccy. I know the Op made some mistakes in marrying him without sorting things out with that shameless w.hore of an ex but a man needs to be a man and treat your wife with utmost respect. Otherwise,why did you marry her. I'm so pissed. I played as a

Odenigbo Aroli: How are we even sure the Op's husband isn't lieing about the reason why the so called ex didn't wanna marry him. And enough with all these show him love,f.uck him good, dress sexy and all that bs. The man is a hopeless weak loser who was rejected for whatever reason and he used this innocent lady as a rebound and ended up marrying her because he is a weak p..uccy. I know the Op made some mistakes in marrying him without sorting things out with that shameless w.hore of an ex but a man needs to be a man and treat your wife with utmost respect. Otherwise,why did you marry her. I'm so pissed. I played as a

Ur last sentence is what I normallly ask why did u marry her if you couldn't stay off ex. If they were so good why not stick with them.

mimi237:
My hubby & I dated a few months before getting married last month.

Hian!!!!

Poor chic. Your husband married you out of desperation... the other woman was there before you. She isnt going away anytime soon. You should annul your sham of a marriage. A man calling his ex on his wedding day... worst slap in your face.

Op, u need to set yourself free from this misery, divorce the guy and set him free to be with the one he will love, cherish and respect and give yourself a chance to meet someone who will do the same for u.

Yes, marriage is hard and may face challenges, but the only times I will ever hold on to a tough marriage is when we are facing financial difficulties or there is sickness NOT when someone is utterly disrespecting me and treating me like a piece of shììt.

Life is too short, you dont know how long you have before God calls u home. Spend your few remaining days/months /years being happy and making those who deserve your efforts of kindness happy.