THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST;







Dear Systems Department,



I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my

program from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey 1.0" and found

that the new program began unexpected child Processing

and also took up a lot of space and valuable

resources.









This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.







In addition "Wifey 1.0" Installs itself into all other

programs and launches during systems Initialization

and then it monitors all other system activities.







Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf

5.3" no longer Run, and crashes the system whenever

selected. Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday

Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1"

runs instead.







I cannot seem to keep "Wifey 1.0" in the background,

whilst attempting to run any of my favourite

applications. Be it online or offline.







I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7. 0", but

uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please

help?










........... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;



Dear Customer,



This is a very common problem resulting from a

basic

misunderstanding of the functions of the "Wifey1.0"

program.







Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey

1.0" thinking that "Wifey 1.0" is merely a UTILITY

AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.







Actually, "Wifey 1.0" is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed

by it's Creator to Run everything.







You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wifey 1.0" and

still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0", as "Wifey 1.0"

was not designed to do this and it is Impossible to

uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the

System once it is installed.







Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0" or

"Wifey 2.0" but have ended up with even more

problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child

Support and Solicitors' Fees).







Having " Wifey 1.0" installed, I recommend you keep

it installed And deal with the difficulties as best as

you can. When any faults

or problems Occur, whatever

you think has caused them, you must run the



C:\APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME Program



and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will

freeze the entire system.







It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME

for a number of times, and eventually hope that the

operating system will return to normal.







"Wifey 1.0", although a very high maintenance program,

can be very rewarding.







To get the most out of it, consider buying additional

Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0"

or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS \UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).







DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1"

(Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any

Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application

for "Wifey 1.0" and the system

will almost certainly

CRASH.



BEST OF LUCK!



Your Systems Analyst,