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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Funny Christmas Jokes (4533 Views)
Christmas Jokes For Ya'll: / More Christmas Jokes! (2) (3) (4)
Funny Christmas Jokes by knockturnal(m): 2:56pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: a wrapper! Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? A: He only comes once a year. Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel. Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic. Q: Why the Christmas tree can’t stand up? A: It doesn’t have legs. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat? A Merry Can (American) Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies? A: Snowballs. Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus. Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas? A: He installs a parking meter on the roof. Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate clauses The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus 3. You dress up as Santa Claus 4. You look like Santa Claus Remember, Christmas isn't about how big the tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. For Christmas I want Santa’s list of naughty girls. There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Is anyone else waiting until December 22nd to Christmas shop? Just in case the Mayans were right? Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas. I woke up in a box. The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents. A song told me to Deck the Halls...so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy. Dear Santa, I was framed. This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion. I try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa. 1 Like |
Re: Funny Christmas Jokes by knockturnal(m): 2:57pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
keep it coming |
Re: Funny Christmas Jokes by Nobody: 3:07pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
wow this is funny |
Re: Funny Christmas Jokes by knockturnal(m): 3:52pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
Santa went down the Chimney and started putting presents under the tree. He went to leave and noticed the most beautiful red headed women laying there in her naughty nighties, She said santa do you wanna stay and play, He said HO HO HO Gotta go Gotta Go gotta deliver presents to the kids Ho HO. So he went to leave again and She said once more, "Santa dont you want to stay and play" as she took off her nighties and was layin there in a sexxy g- string, He said Ho Ho HO gotta go gotta go gotta deliver presents to the kids dont you know ho ho, So he went to leave one last time and the women said again, "Santa stay and play" and when he turned around she was laying there completely naked, The most beautiful thing in the world spread eagle, He said hey hey hey gotta stay gotta stay, cant go up the chimney with my pecker this way! |
Re: Funny Christmas Jokes by knockturnal(m): 3:56pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y- S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D- Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!" |
Re: Funny Christmas Jokes by knockturnal(m): 4:08pm On Dec 24, 2013 |
WAYS TO CONFUSE SANTA Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit! Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa." Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. " Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa." 1 Like |
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