First, I would like to apologise for the recent dearth of posts (in my blog). It is due to the sporadic nature of power supply in my area.

At first, I was in denial (and I had to charge my phone at all costs, even walking about with my charger), but now, I have become inured to my predicament, I am now in acceptance, and as such, I don’t even walk about with my phone any longer. What’s the point? Who is calling me sef? Besides, 1 less swollen pocket equals 1 less target for a mugger.

But all that is beside the point. Let’s go to the business of today.

Preamble-lessly, allow me to say that the banking system in Ibadan state has one major problem – Too few bank branches. As a result, the available branches are always filled to the security doors at any given working hour on a week day. Since I don’t really go INTO banks (that much), I thought little of the situation inside.

However, the crowds inside have permeated the security doors and have now spread outside. The queues for cash withdrawals at ATMs are now unbearably long.

Today, after standing for close to 20 minutes the ATM gallery at Keystone bank, it got to my turn and the ATMachine informed me (very callously, I should add) that it cannot accept my card (since it was from another bank, I guess). The Unsympathetic no-feelings-having twit!

I moved to Ecobank, where I didn’t even have to bother going past the gate. There was no point. The line from the machine (in the bank premises) had extended to the gate. I waited there for another 15 minutes before I was finally able to withdraw money.

Now, with all my experience at ATM queues, I have decided to share with us, results of research. A sort of classification, if you will. The different kinds of people you meet at ATM queues in Ibadan.

The First is the Artisan, or the Trader. He/She is usually illiterate and doesn’t know how to operate the machine, and always calls for help, only touching the machine when he/she needs to enter his/her pin, with the assisting fellow doing all the work.

The Second kind is the ‘Soji guy/girl’. This guy is always smartly dressed, in his twenties and never utters a word to another person on the queue. The ‘Soji guy’ is on the phone most of the time. (If he is actually connected to a person on another line, I cannot say, for sure.)

The Third group of persons is Mr. Impatient. Mr Impatient is most often middle-aged, grumpy, always telling everyone how useless the particular bank is, or how he is just coming from another bank and didn’t spend up to 5 minutes. In short, Mr. Impatient lays out his whole day’s itinerary for the world to hear, without even knowing it.

Ironically, Mr. Impatient always manages to stay put (on the queue) until it gets to his turn.

Also, we have the Techie. The techie always knows what the problem is. If someone has been in front of the machine screen for longer than 2minutes, he knows exactly what happened. From the back, without even seeing what’s on the screen, he shouts, “E te enter now?” “Se Mastercard ni card yen sha/ is that card mastercard?” “Are you sure you have changed your pin?” “Hope the card is not scratched”, “Try Access bank, they collect Visa there”

The fifth kind of person is Mr. Grouchy. Mr Grouchy’s face loses colour when a person decides to withdraw more than once at a time. “Oga, allow other people to collect too na?”

We also find corpers at ATM queues. (Yep corpers have their own category.) They act and dress very similarly to ‘Soji guys’ when they’re not wearing the uniform and you can differentiate them by the Kind of English they speak when they’re on the phone (corpers speak better) and the fact that corpers rarely withdraw amounts greater than N5,000 at once.

There are also ‘the Showoffs’ who withdraw substantial sums (20-40k) and have trouble concealing it. They flaunt it, count it or whatever so that you can know that, yes, we have money. (Their ogas probably sent them to collect it o)
Very rarely, we find the ‘Classy

Madame’ who comes in company of her PA or maid (as the case may be), not minding any other person, instead, instructing the lesser lady the entire time.

The Security guards (staff of the bank) may also double as ‘Techies’.

The Last kind of persons we may find, although, not exactly ON the queue are the supplicants (or more correctly, the mendicants). In case you don’t yet understand, I refer to the ‘fine bara’ guys. If you still don’t understand, forget it (you’re obviously too ‘Behind’).

The mendicant tells you of how he has to get to Lagos very urgently, and how he lost all his money, or was robbed, or how her child is sick and she must get drugs at once, or some othe sad story like that (you get the gist sha). The mendicant always stays outside the Bank premises in wait.
(Personally, I feel it’s just such horrible luck. I mean, how else can you explain the fact that you get robbed EVERY SINGLE DAY? Brother, your case requires prayer, not money.)

Thank you for reading!!
PS: What category are you in?

For more, visit: http://www.ibadankopa.

this is sooooo true!!.! even in lagos...

LOL. Is it?
Hahaha.
Well, thanks for commenting.