Three Ways to Deal with a Passive-Aggressive
Colleague
It can be incredibly frustrating when a co-
worker agrees with a plan of action, only to go
off and do his own thing. This type of sabotage
is all too common and can make it difficult to
achieve your goals. When you have a co-worker
who says one thing and does another, try this:
1)Give feedback. Explain to your co-worker what
you’re seeing and experiencing. Describe the
impact of his behavior on you and provide
suggestions for how he might change.
2) Focus on work, not the person. You need to get
the work done despite your peer’s style, so
don’t waste time wishing he would change.
Concentrate on completing the work instead.
3) Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting
ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to
reiterate what they are going to do and by
when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even
the most passive-aggressive person on task.
4)Keep Your Composure, or Walk Away
With offices becoming more physically and
metaphorically open, the privacy of a room
with a closed door can be difficult to find. More
often, everyone from the CEO to the
receptionist is visible to everyone else. This
level of exposure can encourage transparency
but can also put you on display in fragile
moments when you are stressed or upset. Next
time you feel like you might lose your cool (and
who hasn’t had these moments?), take note of
where you are. If you might be observed by
others, take a deep breath or a drink of water.
If that doesn’t do the trick, get outside. In
these new open work spaces, it’s critical to
maintain professionalism by being calm and
supportive of others, and by doing your
venting somewhere private.Three Tips for
Resolving a Conflict with Your Coworker
Differences of opinion between coworkers can
be useful and even productive. But when
clashes turn ugly, conflict can be harmful to
working relationships. Here are three tips for
handling the next disagreement you have with
a colleague:
1)Identify common ground. Point out what you
both agree on at the beginning of the
conversation. This may be a shared goal or a
set of operating rules.
2)Hear your coworker out. Allow your colleague
to share his opinion and explain his point of
view. Don’t disagree with individual points he
makes; listen to the whole story.
3)Propose a solution. Use the information you
gathered in the conversation to offer a
resolution. This should incorporate his
perspective and be different from what you
originally thought. Turn Your Competitors into
Allies. When a colleague’s agenda is seemingly
opposed to your own, it can be tempting to
demonize him. Distorting other people is a
common response to conflict, but not a
particularly productive one. In fact, doing so
undermines your ability to exert influence.
Instead of deciding that everything about a
colleague you don’t get along with is hateful,
get to know him better. Sit down and talk
about what he cares and is concerned about.
You may find that the source of your conflict is
actually an area of mutual interest and rather
than being enemies, you are natural allies.
Stop Being So Nice
Conflict avoidance is a common trait of most
corporate workplaces. But, steering clear of
disagreements and leaving things unsaid
creates unnecessary complexity and needless
anxiety. To get better at confronting conflict
constructively, follow these three steps:
Reflect. Ask yourself whether there are times
you should’ve spoken up but held your tongue.
Do you avoid certain types of conflicts?
Get feedback. Ask trusted friends and
colleagues how they perceive your readiness to engage in constructive conflict. They might see patterns that are less obvious to you.
Experiment. You don’t have to change
overnight. Try pushing back on a request or
speaking up in a meeting and see how it goes.
Preface your comment with an admission that
you are working on getting better at conflict.
This will help demonstrate your sincerity
@samoalfred