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American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man - Culture - Nairaland

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American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Imogirl: 9:32pm On Aug 27, 2008
Hello

I am a 26 year old Nigerian woman born in the US.  I have been dating my boyfriend since high school, and  I love him and would like to marry him one, but I have some apprehensions about it. We are both college educated and I am currently a medical student. My boyfriend comes from a two parent home n which both of his parents are college educated and still together (rare in this day and age) I constantly find myself wondering what the future holds for us. My boyfriend doesn't know very much about the Nigerian culture and to tell the truth I only know as much as I have been taught by my parents. I have visited Nigeria a few times, but thats about it. I really do not want to loose my culture, but feel that I may, and my children will not know anything about it. My parents are very open-minded about our relationship although I know that they would prefer me to marry a Nigerian. My boyfriend is the perfect man the only thing he is not is Nigerian. Am I wrong for having apprehensions about our future? Are my concerns valid? I would like the opinion of posters because I am confused.
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Nobody: 9:34pm On Aug 27, 2008
wherever one finds true love,my advise is go for it

u might marry a nigerian,who will make u miserable for d rest of ur life,dat u wont even think about ur culture watsoever


as long as a man can give u peace in his home,then i wish u well,when there is peace there is understanding
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by tope2000(f): 9:36pm On Aug 27, 2008
Do your thang my dear
if he is perfect then what else are you looking for, it doesnt matter if he isnt nigerian, the most important thing is he makes you happy!
That is what every woman want in a relationship
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by bluespice(f): 10:03pm On Aug 27, 2008
i'm sorry when i first of all read the topic i rolled my eyes saying "ehen so wat?"
now that im done with ur story i deeply apologise embarassed
anyway gurl, u say ur boyfriend is the perfect man but he isnt Nigerian,
his parents and urs are happy with the relationship but ur not sure
ok let me help u out here,
go for it!
c'mon most couples face problems from either inlaws or their own parents before they even get married
u face none watsoever so am saying with God's blessings,
it will be a blissful marriage
have fun and follow ur heart which will lead u to ur present boyfriend tongue
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Seun(m): 10:10pm On Aug 27, 2008
You don't have any problem. You are a functional American and he's an actual American. A perfect match.
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by TheSly: 10:15pm On Aug 27, 2008
American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man
So whats the difference
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by doncaster(m): 8:38am On Aug 28, 2008
Seun:

You don't have any problem. You are a functional American and he's an actual American. A perfect match.
Is this not recism? U indirectly called her a second class American
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Sagamite(m): 9:08pm On Aug 28, 2008
doncaster:

Is this not recism? You indirectly called her a second class American

What makes it "recism" [sic]?
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Sagamite(m): 9:21pm On Aug 28, 2008
Imogirl:

Hello

I am a 26 year old Nigerian woman born in the US.  I have been dating my boyfriend since high school, and  I love him and would like to marry him one, but I have some apprehensions about it. We are both college educated and I am currently a medical student. My boyfriend comes from a two parent home n which both of his parents are college educated and still together (rare in this day and age) I constantly find myself wondering what the future holds for us. My boyfriend doesn't know very much about the Nigerian culture and to tell the truth I only know as much as I have been taught by my parents. I have visited Nigeria a few times, but thats about it. I really do not want to loose my culture, but feel that I may, and my children will not know anything about it. My parents are very open-minded about our relationship although I know that they would prefer me to marry a Nigerian. My boyfriend is the perfect man the only thing he is not is Nigerian. Am I wrong for having apprehensions about our future? Are my concerns valid? I would like the opinion of posters because I am confused.

Shawtie, you said he is a perfect guy from a good home? Then go for your man and don't look back.

I can understand your desire to be able to connect with your roots and want to shape your future based on it, but to be frank, either forget it or try as much as possible to make sure that desire does not disrupt your future.

Unfortunately, you are likely to be more American than Nigerian. And that is not your fault. If it is anybody's fault, then it is your parents and they have no right to demand of you to marry a Nigerian when they have not done much in your upbringing to make you connect with the place.

And if you do marry a Nigerian, there is a high possibility you would not meet his expectations in regards to mentation and spousal responsibilities. It is a completely different mentality. I am Naija born and bred that now live in the UK. For example , I don't see sandwich as a meal and if any woman serves me that as a meal that na wahala. And for the record I am a strong believer in MY (please note the word "my"wink woman taking care of most homely stuff. Most girls brought up in the West would tell you it is 50-50. All well and good, I have no problem with that but it is personally not for me. I want a relationship where I do mainly manly stuff most of the time and my wife does mainly womanly stuff most of the time.

Someone like you would not be able to deal with this mentality and it would lead to problems and expectations not met. You have a long-term boyfriend that you think is perfect then hook him. Unfortunately, your parents have not laid the right foundation to do that Nigerian link stuff so forget it without feeling guilty or taking responsibility for its non-existence.
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Imogirl: 9:41pm On Aug 28, 2008
I would first like to thank everyone for taking the time to reply my post. I think most of the responses have been great. I guess I am being too hard on myself. As the last poster has stated I really have not been given the best cultural foundation and therefore probably would not have the same ideals as someone raised in Nigeria. I guess my greatest concern is loosing the little of my culture that I do have. Sometimes I feel like being an American born Nigerian is like being biracial, to an extent. I really do have a great guy so I am going to focus on that rather than focusing on something that is non-exist. For the poster that said I am a "functional" Nigerian. I completely know what you mean and took it in that context. Functional means "capable of operating or functioning as" which I do function as an American on a day to day basis. Again, thank you all for taking the time to reply to what may seem an unimportant or trival topic,  but  it is really impotant to me, any other comments are much appreciated. God bless.
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Janeesa: 1:27am On Sep 09, 2008
I can understand where you are coming from.Im an american born nigerian too.But if you do decide to marry this man it is up to YOU to teach ur kids where they are from and what their culture is alll about bc in this day and age most kids(nigerian) born here have LOST their culture COMPLETELY, and its so sad. So even if you married a nigerian born here in the US or born elsewhere you would still have that problem about ur children losing their idenitity, and im sorry that ur parents didnt bring you up to comprehend our culture very well ( neither did mine but i learn on my own) IM NIGERIAN and PROUD of it and thats all there is to it, when u have ur kids teach them about nigeria to the best of ur knowledge smiley


any way good luck!
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Queenisha: 12:14am On Sep 10, 2008
I wish Nigeria was good.
See our young boys and girls are so far removed from their homeland.
Lost forever in a foreign land.
Most will never speak the language
Cannot speak with their illiterate relatives but just smile when spoken to
will never visit there after their parents pass away.
may never cook or eat the foods.
they don't know what it is to jump molue
to be taunted by agberos.
They have never eaten in a buka
or pissed in a street corner

They don't know where they come from and cannot go there unaccompanied
Everything they know about who they are is from story telling.
My God,they can't even pronounce their own names
Nigeria will just be some country far far away where her family came from.
This is what I call the rape of a nation.
I weep for these lost boys and girls.
This is truly truly sad.

forgive me poster, I just had to weep a little
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by KarmaMod(f): 12:20am On Sep 10, 2008
Lmao Osisi, Ive never eaten at a buka.

Gross tongue
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by romeo(m): 1:03am On Sep 10, 2008
Queenisha:

I wish Nigeria was good.
See our young boys and girls are so far removed from their homeland.
Lost forever in a foreign land.
Most will never speak the language
Cannot speak with their illiterate relatives but just smile when spoken to
will never visit there after their parents pass away.
may never cook or eat the foods.
they don't know what it is to jump molue
to be taunted by agberos.
They have never eaten in a buka
or pissed in a street corner

They don't know where they come from and cannot go there unaccompanied
Everything they know about who they are is from story telling.
My God,they can't even pronounce their own names
Nigeria will just be some country far far away where her family came from.
This is what I call the rape of a nation.
I weep for these lost boys and girls.
This is truly truly sad.

forgive me poster, I just had to weep a little

hahahhaha I know say you no dey piss for road again cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Queenisha: 3:16am On Sep 10, 2008
KarmaMod:

Lmao Osisi, Ive never eaten at a buka.

Gross tongue

You don't know what you missed.
You cannot claim to be a full Nigerian if you've never eaten white rice,beans and plaintain with kpomo and beef at a bukateria
I remember one near broad street near the then British embassy.
Whenever we came from the East to get visas for London trips,we would go there and eat correct food made with washed hands.
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by KarmaMod(f): 4:12am On Sep 10, 2008
Queenisha:

You don't know what you missed.
You cannot claim to be a full Nigerian if you've never eaten white rice,beans and plaintain with kpomo and beef at a bukateria

make it at home, have some random person wash their yansh in it and there wont be any difference. tongue
Re: American Born Nigerian Woman Dating And Possibly Marrying African American Man by Sagamite(m): 11:59am On Sep 11, 2008
KarmaMod:

Lmao Osisi, Ive never eaten at a buka.

Gross tongue

I have lived in the UK for a very long time but I never fail to ensure anytime I visit Nigeria that I have a meal at a nice buka to replenish the bacteria in my system that this stupid hygenic levels in the West is destroying.

It is just mandatory for me. Na im dey make my immune system tranga.

Im even dey helep me fight wrinkles and ugliness rather than using oyinbo expensive creams. grin

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