idocare:

I agree with you when you say there are all kinds of reasons people use others;
I believe my ex reason was denials he received from the embassey the times he
tried to come on his own. Back then I didn't know much about immigration and
how some other countries want to be in America. I didn't know that your passport
is stamped every time you attempt to migrate and I really didn't know that his last
attempt to migrate the moral way was denied within a very short period of him
wooing me to the alter.

Although there may be some cases where the man intended to marry only for purpose's of a greencard benefit and decided to stay with his victim are few and
far between compared to the many that will Marry with intent to scam.

Some will Marry whom ever belives their scam first and is willing to file those papers
to get them where they want to be, some marry partners much older then them
knowing that they will never fall in love with them, and to them it makes it so much
more easier for them to later put their exit plots into play.

I found that at end of the day; If it feels too good to be true it probably is, seems as
tho many people will use religion as a bonding factor with zero fear of God. It's just sad all the way around. The deceiver fails to realize that what they do to another will eventaully come back to them 7-fold. Their kids won't respect them nor appreciate what they have done to the Mother that cared for them while the man ran away and left that women to imput morals and values in their kids.

Actually I feel that any man that can plant and seed and stay around long enough to name it then abandon that seed without knowing how the seed is sprouting has some serious issues within themselves, especially if they continue to call themselves religious, there's nothing holy about marrying for greencard benefits and planting a seed that they know they have zero intentions of sticking around for.

People that have done that to others may be laughing now and having a good time talking to family and friends about how the whole scam played out, but they just don't realize that they are also telling them that they care about nobody but themselves and could at any time also scam them. Just as they can turn there back on the children they create; they must find it equally easy to do the same to the other family members as well.

Many people are still too embarressed to talk about being a victim of a marriage scam
however I've always been one to be honest and call it what it is.

I'm still wondering if that's how professionals act in my ex homeland Nigeria, do they go after what they want at the expense of hurting others, I'm wondering if his family is ashamed of what he's done or if they're high fiving him for all the hurt and pain that he has brought on me and his son, or do they even realize the deptness of the situation we all find ourselves in.

idocare:

Biabeke link=topic=17157.msg3224645#msg3224645 date=1229299633:

leahsarahk:

I have been attending the Redeemed Christian church for quite some time. I married a man who is a member of thier church. This man used me for citizenship and he is high ranking member of this church in Malaysia and a member of the church, for 18 yrs in Nigeria. I supported him financially for 4 years, Sponsored him to Canada ,loved him and gave him a son. He left me a couple weeks after he gained his citizenship. This has been after 5 years of marriage and being a devoted wife to him. The church has assisted him to leave me and encouraged him to abandon me and our son. They are gossipers and mean hearted people. I have called both pastors for help in reconciling our marriage. They offered me no prayer or any kind of support what so ever. Even some of the other members in the church who did not like what my husband did to me spoke out and tired to support me and the pastor came down hard on them and discouraged them from doing so. I have been reliably informed that the pastor is arranging a new wife for me husband even though I am still legally married to him and still a member of the Redeemed Christian church. I am aware that not all churches are like this, but unfortunately the Redeemed Christian church function like a cult, but no offence intended. Finacially this church are taking advantage of us and they bought a building they can not afford and are now borrowing all the members money to pay for the down payment. They say by God's grace they will pay it back. This will be impossible for them to pay back as they dont have the means to pay it back. I was at church the church recently and was instructed to dance by a basket placed on the alter and give money if I want to worship with them the pastor centered me out and insisted that I must dance by this basket if I
want to worship with them.

Dantecmu:

@ House for every woman who have come here to share there experience befour we all conclude there are always 2sides to the coin and until i listen to the other side of the coin i draw no conclusion,

Its easy to listen to one side and feel pity i know people who have been married in the US for 30yrs and it all started as arrengeee so, so sometimes the women involved contributed to there woess given a man his green card or citizenship and then giving him hell in return , just an assumption i know people who married for real and while they where waiting for there residency they where treated like poo i see them cry everyday saying , does she really know i love her, and when it becomes unbearable they wait to get there papers and they move ahead , be four we condemn this men or women please house listen to there own side of the story,

ciao

JeSoul:

While there may be some very small minority of green-card marriages that are truly based on love, the fact is the overwhelming majority of arranged marriages leave the foreign women, and the resulting children at the losing end of the stick. I think its very rare to see any man crying over his arrangee wife that he loves her and she's treating him bad - very rare.

justwise:

Its very rare cos a brother will be ashamed of coming here to complain about his white wife leaving him or runing away, he will get very little sympathy from pple here especially African women. I'm not in any way disputing SOME of the stories i read here about Africa men leaving their foreign wives but i don't believe all of them, there are more to their stories. I don't think leahsarahk is lying, especially the part the church played.

The whole marriage break down can't be the fault of the man, i never read from those foreign women telling us where they go wrong, unfortunately each time a marriage btw a foreign women and an African man goes wrong, paper issue comes up.

JeSoul:
You have a point there is a shame factor that may prevent some men from coming out with their stories . . . however, it will take a ton of overwhelming evidence to convince that this is no more than a very small minority.You also have a point we have only heard one side of the story . . .[b] but why is it that usually the marriage breaks down right after the man (or woman in rarer cases) gets their green card or papers? I'm usually on the side of "lets hear both sides of the story", but I've seen too many cases of women getting ditched after their african husbands get what they wanted from them.[/b] I've even heard friends tell me their parents/older relatives are advising them to get married for papers and then leave. For the most part there is no other option other than GC marriage for most african immigrants out of status to remain in the country. Its a terrible blight on our name and it makes me feel so bad for the unsuspecting westerner who's been tricked into it, especially when there are children involved.

leahsarahk:

I have been attending the Redeemed Christian church for quite some time. I married a man who is a member of thier church. This man used me for citizenship and he is high ranking member of this church in Malaysia and a member of the church, for 18 yrs in Nigeria. I supported him financially for 4 years, Sponsored him to Canada ,loved him and gave him a son. He left me a couple weeks after he gained his citizenship. This has been after 5 years of marriage and being a devoted wife to him. The church has assisted him to leave me and encouraged him to abandon me and our son. They are gossipers and mean hearted people. I have called both pastors for help in reconciling our marriage. They offered me no prayer or any kind of support what so ever. Even some of the other members in the church who did not like what my husband did to me spoke out and tired to support me and the pastor came down hard on them and discouraged them from doing so. I have been reliably informed that the pastor is arranging a new wife for me husband even though I am still legally married to him and still a member of the Redeemed Christian church. I am aware that not all churches are like this, but unfortunately the Redeemed Christian church function like a cult, but no offence intended. Finacially this church are taking advantage of us and they bought a building they can not afford and are now borrowing all the members money to pay for the down payment. They say by God's grace they will pay it back. This will be impossible for them to pay back as they dont have the means to pay it back. I was at church the church recently and was instructed to dance by a basket placed on the alter and give money if I want to worship with them the pastor centered me out and insisted that I must dance by this basket if I
want to worship with them.

Delta007:

Anyway, the past is the past. The one way to get back at this dude is to start collecting evidence to prove that he used you to get his papers. If you can find documents or record conversations that confirms that he is currently married to the lady in Nigeria, you can use that as ammunition against him to the Canadian immigration. His citizenship will be revoked and he'd be deported. So you can start playing smart now (if you want to) or keep being naive and hope he changes his mind.

Another way to fight this is to contact the Redeemed Church HQ in Lagos and make this complaint and follow it up. Make sure you have all the names of the pastors involved. I have heard some silly stories about a Redeemed Church in Toronto, might be the same one. I'm no Redeemed member but I'm sure someone may have a conscience and follow up with you. Do not go down without a fight.

Altogether, I wish you good luck and I sympathise with you and the other ladies on this thread that have experienced the same plight.

OWLYBM:

I am a very fortunate American white woman with a wonderful Nigerian fiance. We're all aware of the profitable business that has sprung up, in part, because of the shortsightedness of Immigration (perhaps), 9/11 (of course), and the internet (aiding and abetting). But are many cognizant of the misery the situation is causing those of us who really wish to marry? It is growing exponentially. The red tape is so knotted up with skepticism, with bias, it seems to be insurmountable. We are trying to bring my fiance in on a fiance Visa. Please, wish us luck,

ephilipand:

There's nothing wrong with it but stay clear of the whites.

I have already gotten a black american lady in california &she has agreed to marry me.I want her 4 really but i do know how to go about it. Advice please!

Echidime: These are all old post,things have changed now in Germany, ladies loves to Bleep african men very well and africans are getting their green card depend on how you play your card and whom you move with