Today being my birthday and all, I decided to reflect on my life and one thing that hit me was the common and arguably overused phrase,"I love you."

I can’t think of any moment more painful, exciting, nerve-racking, exhilarating and at the same time terrifying than saying I love you for the first time. There is so much at stake- your heart, pride, and the relationship!!! You begin to wonder will the person say it back? If not, then what happens next? If they do say it back, is it out of pressure or do they mean it? The most important question when you say "I love you" should be, do YOU mean it?

It is only human nature to master the art of knowing how we want to be loved. While finding ourselves clueless when it comes to loving others and what it even MEANS to love them. In a long conversation with a good friend about saying “I love you” we concluded that either we don’t know what love is and we use the name in vain or love is more complicated than we thought. The one thing we agreed on was that love isn’t always blind. One can love someone with open eyes to their faults. The question is when you love someone who isn’t ready for you, do you wait close by, or do you wander off till they’re ready?

(We couldn’t come to an agreement)

Love is easier defined than acted upon. If I say I love a woman because I feel myself glowing whenever she’s around, she brings out the best in me…etc. If all that were true, would that love still be legitimate if I am seeing someone else?

(Still couldn’t come to an agreement)

In my opinion the problem is we love purely by our feelings, but feelings so easily change. So where does that leave love? Because all it takes is a little anger, jealousy or fear to do something out of the characteristics of love. For some love is complicated. Like my good friend, who has found himself in the gray areas, were it is uncertain the direction or position of his ongoing relationship. Should he love by waiting close by, or can his love still exist from afar? Either way love is still a beautiful thing, best handled by strong hearts. But right now, I prefer just being a spectator.

hmmmmm
pardon my insolence but what is love?


happy birthday though
hope u have a good one

bluespice:

hmmmmm
pardon my insolence but what is love?


happy birthday though
hope u have a good one

Thanks. Like I said in my post, I do not know exactly what love is.

StephenP:
I do not know exactly what love is.

Nobody does. . . . . that is what makes love so attractive. Because it is mysterious and makes people curious into what it really is. But a wise person knows, that there is no true definition of love.

oh i know the whole issue of love being undefinable and stuff

but it just beats me that an overated emotion (and in some instances basically a myth) should be the reason for mindless actions

sorry u really don't have to reply to this

random thoughts also

Love is a feeling and we have a choice on what to feel

Happy bday in arrears StephenP, hope u had a good one. Love can manifest in different ways, as 'phileo' , 'eros' e.t.c, but d best is 'agape'- unconditonal love. It's giving and unselfish. Most of what people experience 2day in relationships is eros, that's why there's infidelity and divorce,.

Unrequited love does hurt. You love someone but he or she feels nothing for you, hmmmm. How do you cope with that? I belive that you should give that person som time to grow to love you back, but if it's taking too long, it's wise to move on and find someone else. Love is an emotion just like anger or fear, and it can increase or decrease in intensity. If u need to move away from unrequited love, just withdraw fröm that person gradually and over time, the emotional attachment you have for that person would decline.

It’s easy to dream. Easy to imagine a better life, one without burdens, responsibilities and disappointment. Life isn’t meant to be easy and it shows no favor to race, sex, or class, but we sometimes disregard that notion, telling ourselves if only I was ______ or if only I had ______ life would be easier. The truth is there is no cruise control; all we can do is take life for its ups and downs (live and learn) and use our weaknesses as motivation to better our strength.

Most of all we must never let the burdens of life imprison us within ourselves because once we cage ourselves in misery we prevent ourselves from enjoying the beauty of life: friends, family, happiness . . . love. Greatness comes with hardship and success comes with struggle. Nothing is given without a fight, not even peace.

So whatever you want in life, don’t just dream it, do your best to live it! The harder it gets, the greater your success will be. Never stop believing and never give up hope.

If you ever feel like it’s too much to bear alone, know that you have those who love you, ready to help you carry your burdens and lighten your load. No one is meant to go through hardship alone and no one is meant to go through life without hardship.

Look at all the great leaders and influential people of this world, not one of them had it easy. But what they did have was ambition and determination. Our willingness to endure is a vital component to living a full life.

Remember this whenever you are going through a tough time. Remember that no matter how many times you are broken, greatness awaits you.

Good luck.

[img]http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-15958018.jpg?size=67&uid={d33c474c-8c21-4581-a789-95e7ecc183f7}[/img]

StephenP:

It’s easy to dream. Easy to imagine a better life, one without burdens, responsibilities and disappointment. Life isn’t meant to be easy and it shows no favor to race, sex, or class, but we sometimes disregard that notion, telling ourselves if only I was ______ or if only I had ______ life would be easier. The truth is there is no cruise control; all we can do is take life for its ups and downs (live and learn) and use our weaknesses as motivation to better our strength.

Most of all we must never let the burdens of life imprison us within ourselves because once we cage ourselves in misery we prevent ourselves from enjoying the beauty of life: friends, family, happiness . . . love. Greatness comes with hardship and success comes with struggle. Nothing is given without a fight, not even peace.

So whatever you want in life, don’t just dream it, do your best to live it! The harder it gets, the greater your success will be. Never stop believing and never give up hope.

If you ever feel like it’s too much to bear alone, know that you have those who love you, ready to help you carry your burdens and lighten your load. No one is meant to go through hardship alone and no one is meant to go through life without hardship.

Look at all the great leaders and influential people of this world, not one of them had it easy. But what they did have was ambition and determination. Our willingness to endure is a vital component to living a full life.

Remember this whenever you are going through a tough time. Remember that no matter how many times you are broken, greatness awaits you.

Good luck.

mehhhhn!!!!

itz lyk u speakin directly 2 me, hw motivatin!!!!

@ Stephen p

Now you rekindle my success vision with your words. Keep it up!

Moyola:

mehhhhn!!!!

itz like u speakin directly 2 me, hw motivatin!!!!

donpapa:

@ Stephen p

Now you rekindle my success vision with your words. Keep it up!

I'm happy it motivated you both

Enough is enough. It is time to expose some things and talk about it seriously. Everybody wants to beat around the bush and and not attack it directly but I am tired of the culture that has been created. If I step on your toes, I can't tell you I'm sorry but I gotta get to everybody.

Women, I am tired of the fact that you are confused to the point where you have chosen to accept second best . . . where you are willing to settle for a guy that's "not that bad", where you go to clubs and dance to songs that call you hoes, sluts, and anything else that lowers your worth to a collection of body parts and your ability to drop it, pop it, suck it, or blow it. I am tired of you being so confused about who you truly are and because you don't know who you are you have become so lonely where you decided that a one night stand is better than being alone . . . where as long as he calls you "sometimes" it's okay because its better than being by yourself for that night, where you go out with your butt cheeks and breasts hanging out then get drunk and high because maybe, just maybe, people will like you better. I am tired and you need to know who you are!! You are more precious than all the rubies and the jewels of this world. You are worth more than just 30 minutes of stimulation and then feeling worthless the rest of the night.

Men, I am hella tired. I am tired of us being so confused to where we believe can show masculinity by how drunk we can get, how many girls we can disrespect at one time, and how many times we've been shot. I'm tired of us running after money, cars, drugs and diamonds because we think that is what makes us a man yet we refuse to take care of our women and children. I'm tired of us thinking that "swag" is running around in clothes we can't afford to wash, cars we can't afford to put gas in, and women we can't satisfy because we don't realize that its about more than just "sticking and moving." We can't value the lives of our brothers and sisters (no matter what race) because we don't think any more highly of ourselves; we refer to ourselves as niggas which by definition and paraphrase is a "no good, trifling, lazy, ignorant person that is not even recognized as being human." And because we think of ourselves and other people like this we have no problem ending someone's life because they stepped on our shoes or looked at us for more than a few seconds.

People, I'm tired of us sitting around while babies get pregnant with other babies and then kill those babies in the name of "the right to choose." I'm tired of the fact that we don't talk to the kids and let them know about SEX, yes SEX, that we don't want talk about the increasing number of men becoming homosexual and bisexual in our nation and the increasing number of women becoming promiscuous and not caring whether its male, female, or both. We are not video hoes, sluts, pimps, "dope boys" or anything else Weezy, Jeezy, and Soulja Boy (amongst others . . . not just them) told us we were . . . we are better than that.

Step up and know who you are everybody!

[img]http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-20327206.jpg?size=572&uid={9bd557a3-7f70-4bff-b12c-8a6fe00df548}[/img]

Just my thoughts

Isn't it funny when you don't go along with the latest hype of moral decadence, you are referred to as "holier than thou"? Whereas my problems are minutae compared to the numerous restless nights these people go through. Good pretenders I say!!!

wow
stephen u touched on something i was thinking about in the club two days back
this song move away bitch or something was on and u shoulda seen em "bitches" really dancing and them guys singing the song with so much enthusiasm
n i got thinking why should i dance to a song that calls me a bitch?
well, the stupidity of the human race i must say

dang! i shouldnt have replied to that now should i?

You've really got me thinking about the things people do just to please the society . . . . damn.

I like your candor. Degrading attitudes (chicks are just bitches/hoes, dudes are bling machines who prove their might only by banging chicks and beating ppl) run the risk of being normalized to the point of children aspiring to be only that, mimicking the behaviors they see on TV (I'm in Canada) and not valueing themselves and their potential. Kudos for being pissed off and vocal on this issue-- both women and men should be!

In the midst of my busy work life last week, I had a conversation with a female co-worker in her mid 40’s. As she recapped her youth and all the past relationships she went through, she stopped and looked and me and said with a sincere smile, “I truly do love my husband, when he came into my life it felt like I pushed the easy button. No bullshit, no games and all I could think was, wow this is how a relationship should be. . . ” As she went on telling her love story, all I could do was look in wonder, what exactly is the easy button? Then it dawned on me, a man’s maturity is a woman’s easy button.

Men come across maturity as if it were another form of puberty. Some get it early, and others get it much. . . much later. I could only presume it begins when a man wakes up one day and realizes that he is missing out on the best parts of life. Without maturity, a man will never be ready for a relationship and the women in their lives will find it continuously hard to get them to commit.

All men aren’t the same. A mature man isn’t perfect, but what sets him apart from the rest is that he owns up to his faults and shows not only in his words but also in his actions his press for change.

Now, what keeps a man’s mind immature? I believe it’s the illusion of greatness – the belief that looks, education and money is the key to a woman’s heart. I don’t want to be misunderstood because I know women love it when a man has got everything going for him, but I'm sure the ladies would agree with me when I say that there is no beauty in the relationship when the man's character is a spoiler.

As the conversation with the woman came to an end she mentioned that she had been married to her husband for 19 years and the love was still beating strong. “ I’ve been through a lot before my husband, I mean we were young, but he was mature for his age and I thank God for that. I remember when he came over to my desk to ask me out on a date…we haven’t been apart ever since”

[img]http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-19686575.jpg?size=572&uid={67a95c50-f6c7-406c-bb21-6e2660420cde}[/img]

StephenP:


Now, what keeps a man’s mind immature? I believe it’s the illusion of greatness – the belief that looks, education and money is the key to a woman’s heart.

What keeps a man's mind immature is the archaic belief that ''man is superior to all and must never be questioned''. Immature men don't even care about whether there exists a key to a woman's heart. . .it's all about them.

The thing called Ego is a blessing and a curse to men. . .how well it is managed goes a long way in determining the level of maturity/immaturity in a man.

wetin this boy dey feel like sef. . . .

E dey try attract girls with all this deep deep bullshit. . .

Ladies. . make una no mind am o. . , He is prolly a woman beater

Cristalz:

What keeps a man's mind immature is the archaic belief that ''man is superior to all and must never be questioned''. Immature men don't even care about whether there exists a key to a woman's heart. . .it's all about them.

The thing called Ego is a blessing and a curse to men. . .how well it is managed goes a long way in determining the level of maturity/immaturity in a man.

I see where you're coming from. That makes sense but I think I'd tag that as utter ignorance.

ocho cinco:

wetin this boy dey feel like sef. . . .

E dey try attract girls with all this deep deep bullshit. . .

Ladies. . make una no mind am o. . , He is prolly a woman beater

I'm sorry I make you feel that insecure. It's all good though, I can't trip off that.

Nah. . .its not ignorance. Such men are aware that that's not the case,but their minds are too narrow and small to accept it. Too many insecurities. So they latch on to the ''alpha male'' school of thought.

It takes a mature male mind to accept his short-comings with a genuine smile on his face. . .to overlook some things. . .to have no issues with apologies and such. A mature man applies wisdom in 99% of everything he does; he doesn't act like a 5-year old pampered kid.

That's most likely why your female co-worker still has a beautiful marriage. . .her hubby is probably the mature,understanding type that approaches life's issues with finesse,intelligence,wisdom and tact. Forever is a long time to remain in love. . .it takes a whole lot of deep maturity for two people to stay that way.

. . . . . ever wondered then why some ladies are attracted to older men?
its cos most of the men in their age bracket are still too immature for them,
nonetheless, we still have the vast majority that are attracted to them for a multitude of reasons with maturity not being one of them.

whooooaaa! dude, this is deep, like you hit every point, made me realize things i didn't even know i agreed with!

You're completely right about the maturity thing, it's what makes me be in the position not to "settle" for some dude thats going to feel he is the hotness because of superficial things. It takes a mature person to see that that isn't what really matters in the end,

ayt, i feel my comment being really disjointed, but i really felt the posts you put up.they ring so true!!!

oh, and er, happy belated birthday? lol

Actually 2me i wud say luv is dat which cant b xpressd.Wen u luv u find out dat u want 2xpress dat luv evry passng day and u yet stil wnt 2do more d nxt day and d nxt day,evn if it means spendng u last cash it wudnt b a problem.Luk @d case of jesus afta payng d ultimate price of luv(dyng 4us)yet he stil wants 2do more,evn wen we insults and leave him he stil wnts us 2come back,he evn stil blesses us evn 2d least tins.Its d same in sum families,where u quarrel and fight bt at d end u stil help each oda out of luv.I tink if u luv sumone and its nt bn returnd,just try 2remove ur mind 4rm xpectng in return,then,it might just come 2u.

@Stephen I believe you are gifted, your writings are both motivating and inspiring, please i need your proffesional assistance concerning an admission essay i have to wite, please i really need your help, am applying to a very competitive school, a well structured essay will strengthen my application. My email add is contac, you can also drop your email add so i can contact you, or u could reach me at the above email. Thanks and God bless.

Nice thots

and the beautiful part is that u are practical and straight to d point . . .

Will def watch out for some more

Why do people cheat?

Well I did some research (as if enough research hasn't been done) and it seems that many times it’s either dissatisfaction in a relationship, an easy way out of a relationship, or just the thrill/rush of being bad. I was talking to a good friend of mine on Saturday and he was complaining that he had been having sex with the same girl for a year. I congratulated him and tried to explain to him why it was a good thing, but he yelled “No… I want something different.” It is not that she was bad in bed because according to him, she is great. It is not that he doesn’t like her anymore because he is still head over heels for her. So, maybe sometimes we get scared of what seems like a routine and so we yearn for change. Well, no matter what the reason is nothing good comes from cheating.

Dear Cheaters,

What happens in the dark will always come to light!!! I can’t stand how some hide behind the excuse of “I don’t want to be with him/her it’s you I want, I just don’t know how to tell him/her” OR “I just need time right now to sort things out, I don’t know what I want.” You know exactly what you want!!! So make a decision and stick with it. I believe that in doing so, it actually helps you build your character, and gives you more credibility in life; credibility you will need when you are actually innocent and are being accused of infidelity. If not for that reason, do it so that when you look in the mirror, you can say to yourself, “I am a good person”, not a decent person or an okay person, but good.

I won’t lie, my record is not squeaky clean, but I learned from my mistakes. I learned that it is hard work dating two people at once and that karma is a mean bitch! (lol). What I realized is that we miss out on so much when we fear to commit. I have mistreated some good girls and sometimes I wish I could take it back but I can’t.

But if you’re going to cheat, please don’t get caught!!! Don’t go sleeping around with someone who will announce it to everyone that he/she is sleeping with you BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU GET CAUGHT DUMMIES!!

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Dear Cheated,

It sucks to be cheated on. I think it’s worse for a guy because we usually guard our hearts like a prison. So once a guy lets a girl in and she ends up cheating on him, the next chick is looking at doing hard time just to get visiting hours. Women don’t deal with being cheated on too well either. They cry for long periods of time, hate us, love us again, hate us again, get depressed, love us again, cry some more and like that, the cycle continues. In the end though, like the men do, they bottle it in and then punish the next guy. Honestly, everyone has his or her way of dealing with it. Find what way is best for you and time will do the rest.

[img]http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-17005511.jpg?size=572&uid={7ef23e9b-179a-4b5e-abf1-0a436a85dd87}[/img]

To “The Other”

It sucks when you don’t know you are the other. What really pisses me off is when it’s all out on the table, and the cheater tries to say, “Don’t act like you didn’t know I have someone…” It is their sick and twisted way of making the innocent other start to second guess himself and feel stupid. It is such a low blow…but I can’t lie, it’s pretty effective yet wrong.

But when you know you’re the other, it’s such a complicated position because no one will understand it from your perspective. No one. Even your friends will look at you like you’re a home wrecker. It’s even worse when you’ve gotten yourself attached to the person and you begin to believe “He/she loves me more” or “He/she will leave him/her for me eventually” Here is a news flash for you, if he/she was planning on leaving her/him, he/she would have by now. So be smart and do yourself a favor, leave while you still have your dignity OR just don’t get attached. Be the other for one-week tops. Any longer and it’s a relationship. Just because it worked for Angelina-Jolie doesn’t mean it will work for you!!

I have said too much already.

Rofl . . . . . Nice one stephen
very true

It is very unusual for me to have two thoughts on this thread on the same day but I really have to speak on this. My trip to Nigeria last Christmas really opened my eyes to a lot of things, both good and bad. I laughed till tears came pouring down from my eyes, I balled my fist in anger, I held my heart in pity, but most of all, I gained so much more pride for who I am and the nation I represent. But with my new found self identity came a lot of responsibility. It seems that the majority of people living in Nigeria see America as "greener pastures" and there is some truth to it; there are more opportunities in the U.S but the more I think about it, the more obvious it is to me that the reason why Nigeria isn't progressing, in the speed it should be, is because so many Nigerians have abandoned her. They have left her in the hands of the greedy. Every bone in me wants to fight for her and when people ask me why I just say, "If I don't, who will?"

We in America are given so much but we take it for granted. Why is it so hard for us to give back? What we give does not always have to be free. There is so much money in Nigeria that the banks don’t know what to do with it. Nigeria has oil, and an abundance of natural resources, all she asks is that she may looks as wealthy as she is. We let other nations come and drain us and then blame the poor for the increasing crime rates. There is such a giant gap between the rich and poor, but if people come back, come together and say let’s open businesses, let’s create jobs, and let’s not wait on the Government to fix our streets and electricity, when we start to form productive communities, we will be watering the seeds of progress. There is so much I want to do for Nigeria, So much I wish I could do and though I am only one person…"If I don't, who will?"

All Black people, both male and female, owe it to themselves to dedicate some of their time to an African country. Africans are used to seeing White people giving their time to help them whether it is building a well or constructing a building, but it seems to be a rare occasion to see Blacks physically helping them. If you don't do it…who will?

Sorry Sir Stephen, Just really needed to get this off my chest
Disclaimer: You really don't wanna know. . . . .

Why? Why? Why? Why do you men treat women with such disrespect, so cold blooded? You say you love her but turn around treating her as if she was the ground you lingered on. I mean we pour our hearts in to a cup that over flows through your soul, but you drink up the elixir and pretend you don't even give a damn. How can you look in to the one you call "sweet heart" one moment, then do a 180 and lay your forsaken hands upon her. And for what? To show that you are the man, the boss, our lover? With that one hit, it is like you send her crawling in fear. Demolishing every ounce of dignity into gallons of sorrow. The fear you caused from that one slap, punch, wall slam, generates multiple emotions. Some never felt in our lives, never knew existed.

What went so wrong that you had to result in to discipline as the only option? I thought you said that you loved us? That you would never harm us and would shield us from life's sorrow? I thought you said I was the sole person who held the key to your heart? What happened to the laughs shared and the times only the wind can tell those tales? You claimed that you wanted us to trust you with all of God has blessed us with. Where did all the times when you told us you were going to never bring us harm but only happiness? Where did it all go? It is like you eliminated all that yal have endured together. The times where the only aspect of our strength came from you love. I mean I don't think you understand what that one act has an impact on. If you actually think the relationship will ever go back as it was, you guessed wrong. No matter how many flowers you send, candies you buy, sorrys you illustrate, it never goes away. Like a tattoo hammered on our skin, that is you and your acts.

The worst of it all, is we stay. We think that the situation will somehow change. We dream some pathetic thoughts that one day he will realize what he has done, and life will go back to its originality. That one day, you will hold us in your delicate arms and be that shield, that protector you once were. As if all will start over again. Forget the scars on our backs from where you imprinted your hands upon. Forget the times we cried to sleep wondering why God would do his own child like this. Forget the times we thought the next hit would be the one that would end it all. Forget the times we pleaded for you to stop punch after punch given that our voice became a rasp horse tone. Forget the times washing blood stains from our blouses and waking up to bruises and bumps. And forget lying to everybody why we when they hugged us we were sore from the former night's scheduled beating.

So why do you men do this? When you treat us like this, you take away our will to live. Why go on living a life where you are beating by the one who promised to love you? With every passing day, another piece of us has escaped with the ever passing wind until we no longer own an identity. At that point, the only paradise we feel is hell itself.