I don't know if this has been posted before, I received it as an email and decided to share with my new family Nairalanders. Forgive me if its not new o.

EFFECTIVE OCTOBER 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.




Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!

Click here

Oops I feel like dying
Only the kiss of the prince can save me because I don turn to Cinderella

no cheat on me o

Plz am begging u on my kneels

Sombori help

Arcani, come back here and give Info a second chance. He is a good man nne.

gabrywyl:

[size=18pt] Info is a good man .  [/size]

Thanks for the compliment

[size=15pt]ARCANI YHU NO GOOD OOO.

@ info
gve am kiss na maybi she fit agri[/size]

Maybe she went to bed ohhh

Wait a minute

gabrywyl:

Arcani, come back here and give Info a second chance. He is a good man nne.

Because you said so I will but his payment go be 1000000kisses is 1 second, if not able to pay, then I would start considering some other person maybe Dani cos I no say him dey trip for me Right?

Arcani:

1000000kisses

x 1000001

LOL

He dey pain u?

@Arcani -This na True story -You are on you own man O-Y-O --------ON YOUR -OWN

infobaba:

x 1000001

Oh Info darling, I have forgiven you. Don't worry, I wont consider any body else but you
My teeth has become whiter

**hiss** Iranu

Arcani:

My teeth has become whiter

Kay$:

**hiss** Iranu

Seconded

Are we mad?

I'm not,are you?

Of course

Congratulations

Phsyco association NLD

klap 4 ya sef;;;;;;;;

she never wake up?

I'm up! I'm up! I'm up~!

Uhm. . . Where did everybody go now?

Diamond are you there ?