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The Deadly Affair - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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The Deadly Affair by sweetnini(f): 9:02am On Sep 17, 2005
There were three guys standing in line to get into heaven. Just as they were about to enter, St. Peter stops them and tells them they have room for only one more person, so the one who died the worst death may enter.

St. Peter starts off with the first guy and his reply was: "I always had a suspicion that my wife was having an affair so I came home early one day to find that there was nobody but her. That is until I peered over the balcony to find a man hanging from the ledge in his boxers. I got so upset that I started stomping on his hands but he wouldn't let go. I got a hammer and started pounding on his fingers, but he wouldn't let go. Then finally I went inside and grabbed the fridge and dropped it on top of him. After I looked down to see that he was crushed to death, I felt so bad that I took a shotgun and killed myself."

St Peter says, "that's pretty bad," and asks the second guy how he died.

The second guy said, "I was getting ready for my workout in the afternoon and I always do my aerobic videos in my boxers. Today I somehow slipped and fell off my balcony. Luckily, there was the balcony on the floor below so I held on to the rail. As I was calling for help some lunatic started yelling at me and started stomping on my fingers. He brought out a hammer and started pounding on my fingers, then he quit and went back inside. When I thought he was gone I started pulling myself up from the ledge and all I could see was a huge refrigerator falling on top of me and I fell with it 10 flights below, and now I'm here."

St. Peter thinks to himself, 'that's pretty bad..'

The third guy was Bill Clinton!
St. Peter was surprised and said, 'Well Bill, what happened to you?" Bill says, "Well, you won't believe it. Picture this, I'm naked inside a refrigerator..... grin
Re: The Deadly Affair by sweetnini(f): 12:20am On Sep 21, 2005
since nobody likes this joke ive decided to be adding more jokes here so u can pick any one u like and enjoy.



A guy wakes uo one morning with a hangover. Going downstairs he askes his wife, "honey, I know i was a complete idiot at the party last night, so tell me what happened."
"You saw your boss there and got him into an argument."
"well, piss on him," said the man.
"you did, he fired you," said the wife.
"well, screw him," said the man.
"i did, you're going back to work on monday."
Re: The Deadly Affair by sweetnini(f): 12:23am On Sep 21, 2005
heres another............

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves,
and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind
them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following;
"Emma comes first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I
come again. Two asses they come together again. I come again and
pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "I'mma just tellun my
friend howa to spella Mississippi."
Re: The Deadly Affair by sweetnini(f): 12:37am On Sep 21, 2005
In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model.

She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair.

Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody.

It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Re: The Deadly Affair by sweetnini(f): 12:44am On Sep 21, 2005
One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver. He starts saying things like: "If my Mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster," the bus driver said shut up!

Still the boy went on ... "If my Mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant, I would be a little male elephant," the bus driver said shut up!

Still the boy went on ... "If my Mom was a female dog and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog."

The bus driver got so mad, and asked: "If your Mom was a prostitute, and your dad was a homo, what would you be?"

The boy answered: "A bus driver!"
Re: The Deadly Affair by sweetnini(f): 1:02am On Sep 21, 2005
i didnt get this joke at first but wen i tought bout it i got it so y'all do the same


A guy took his new girlfriend to the movies. After a long kiss, the chick blushed and said, "Gee, honey, I think I just swallowed your gum."

"Naw," said the guy, "I just cleared my throat!"
Re: The Deadly Affair by casper(m): 3:55am On Sep 21, 2005
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

That is nasty

Re: The Deadly Affair by hotangel2(f): 5:52am On Sep 21, 2005
I love your jokes. The last one is ewwwwwww ewwwkkkkk
Re: The Deadly Affair by fabian(f): 2:45pm On Sep 21, 2005
The first one is d bomb! Why didn't I see it before
The last one is disgusting!
But they're all nice! grin grin cheesy cheesy
Re: The Deadly Affair by vexxy(f): 10:50pm On Sep 24, 2005
I agree with Fabian! I love the first one, I would've commented if I'd seen it before. All of them are great but that last one is disgusting!
Re: The Deadly Affair by inxx(m): 5:45pm On Nov 11, 2007
this was when NL had no MIgnies, no Ituens , No teddy bears grin ie when NL was fun to suff
Re: The Deadly Affair by Shaddey: 5:50pm On Feb 06, 2008
Hy guys! lol? & babes!

well, dat na African mentality,greet male & female seperately!

Anyway, an argument ensue in a home, of who to pour the wine, the father said it is the work of a woman
in the house, likewise the woman said, it is the duty of the man!

Both were asked to provide an evidence 2 back up their points on this matter.
Incidentally the male said was the major reason why a man should marry.

On the contrary! the wife brought out a bible and said HEBREWS!!! and opened the book of Hebrews in the Bible.
He brews and not She brews!

Did she actually win the argument
Re: The Deadly Affair by tjtj1(m): 8:32pm On Feb 06, 2008
inxx:

this was when Nairaland had no MIgnies, no Ituens , No teddy bears grin ie when Nairaland was fun to suff
wetin u dey try talk new fellow

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