Your babe get F9 parallel for WAEC, she still dey ask for Brazilian Hair of #150,000 .
Abeg where she wan fix am?,
on top that coconut head? Abeg help me ask am oooooo

[b][/b]ME AND MY CHAINA PHONE

Abeg no laugh... Blackberry don chop my money tire,
na him I come vex yestaday sell am, come take some money buy China phone! Now am in bigger trouble!!!
1. E go full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. The phone get TV, Touch screen, Nail cutter, Firelighter etc.
3. I fit write Text message with a toothpick sef.
4. The spelling get mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i-pon, samswag etc.
5. When aeroplane pass e go record "One missed Call".
6. When a big car horn; e go show "Charger connected"
7. When Chinese man pass e go show: "One Bluetooth device found"
8. When fine gal waka pass, e go show "Ur favourite food found"
9. When ugly gal waka pass, e go show, "Virus detected"
Abeg I wan sell am! Who wan buy ooo?
Even as I dey find buyer, e dey show me for screen: "No contact found". HUSTLE more º°˚˚°ºooooooh

PLEASE COMMENT AS YOU READ joke

WHICH SUBJECT BEST DESCRIBES A KISS.... MATHS~KISS is d shortest distance btw 2 lips... BIOLOGY~KISS is jus d exchange of germs from one mouth to another......CHEMISTRY~KISS is d process testing d PH d lips...... PHYSICS~KISS is d process of charging a human body..... COMPUTER~KISS is a local area network in which 2 bodies are connected without a datat cable........ ECONOMICS~KISS is a process which demand is higher than supply... ENGLISH~KISS is a touch or caress with d lips.....Gv me d subject u fink best explains a kiss.......

JUST FOR YOU. JOKE PASS JOKE

JOKE PADD[img]ANOTHER PROBLEM PLEASE READ [/img]


Who is the funniest?

1. HAUSA man who
removed his shoes to
enter a
taxi.....
2. IGBO man who went
to the bank with a
spanner to open a
bank account.
3.YORUBA man who
went to bed with a ruler
just to know
how long he slept
4. A TIV man who
watched the news and
waved
at the news reader.
5. AN EFIK nurse who
woke up a sleeping
patient
simply because she
forgot to give him
sleeping
pills....
6. AN IGALA man who
lowered his TV volume
because he wanted to
read a text message..
9. AN IKWERE man who
polished his shoes to
take a passport photo.
10. AN ISOKO man who
climbed a mango tree to
check
if the mango was ripe
enough then came
down
and started
stoning it.....
11. A FULANI man who
chose to drink Fanta
because he thought
sprite was unripe
12. A GWARI man who
saw something that
looked like shit, touched
n tasted n said
"Hmmm" na shit ooo!!!
Thank God I no match
am....
13. AN IDOMA man who
put his radio inside the
refrigerator
because he wanted to
listen to Cool FM...

PLEASE HELP ME OUT AM. STRANDED OOOOOooooo. . Imagine dat ur rich grandfather was on de sick
bed n requested to see u..wen u com he said
my son i kept 100millon niara for u in in in in in
in in in in in in in n he nw died wot will u do?.......Note he is still pointing towards a diirection

JUST LAUGH WITH CONTROL . ...........•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••An Igbo man, a Yoruba man and an Hausa man were lost in a forest and
then captured by cannibals.
The king of the cannibals told the prisoners that they could live if they
pass a trial. The first step was to go deep into the forest and get ten pieces
of the same kind of fruits.
The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits. The Yoruba man
came back and said to the king, “I brought 10 apples.”
Then the king explained the trial to him, “You have to swallow the fruits
without any expression on your face or you will be killed. The first apple
went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The Igbo man arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king
explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be
easy…. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and
was killed.
The Yoruba man and Igbo man met in heaven and the Yoruba man asked,
“Why did you laugh? You almost got away with the trial.” The Igbo man
replied, “I couldn’t help it, when I saw the Hausa man coming with
Watermelons!”

.......WAYS TO DECTECT ELBOLA DISEASE.................The signs and symptoms of Ebola disease And how to prevent it
So Sad it’s no longer news that a Liberian man named Patrick Sawyer has
brought the deadly Ebola Virus into Nigeria, Guys I must tell you that we
are looking at an epidemic. It was reported that atleast 30 people who had
contact with the man in the hospital are now being tested, but what of
other people he met on his way to the Nigeria/hospital i.e taxi driver,
pilot, air hostess, hotel Attendant etc Then how many people did these
people have contact with? in reality we are looking at over 3000 contacts.
Now we are dealing with something we aren’t even adequately prepared to
handle. Medical facilities do not have the hazard suits and do not know the
protocol for handling these cases. Its sad.
But Early Detection Might just save A life, here are some signs and
symptoms of Ebola disease. Make sure you Read And Share this Post to
your family members and friends
Symptoms of Ebola HF typically include:
Fever
Headache
Joint and muscle aches
Weakness
Diarrhea
Vomiting
Stomach pain
Lack of appetite
Some patients may experience:
A Rash
Red Eyes
Hiccups
Cough
Sore throat
Chest pain
Difficulty breathing
Difficulty swallowing
Bleeding inside and outside of the body
Symptoms may appear anywhere from 2 to 21 days after exposure to
ebolavirus though 8-10 days is most common.
Some who become sick with Ebola HF are able to recover, while others do
not. The reasons behind this are not yet fully understood. However, it is
known that patients who die usually have not developed a significant
immune response to the virus at the time of death.

AC MILAN 1....MAN-CITY 5. Life match. Niang has broke through a few times down the left and looked to do so
again. He found himself in space, played a one-two with Balotelli but the
Italian hit his pass too strong and into the keeper's hands.
78'
Abate pulls back a terrific cross into a dangerous area as Saponara comes
flying in with a header. He meets it well but can't keep his effort down.
77'
Stoppage in play now after Niang feels the full force of Richards who
jumped high to win the ball in the City half.
76'
Three further changes for Pellegrini's side now as Rodwell, Leigh and
Rekik come on for Zuculini, Navas and Boyata - the latter picking up a
slight knock just moments earlier.
73'
Chance for Milan on the break as Niang races through one-on-one with
Caballero, but his effort is weak and the City keeper comes out on top.
71'
Mexes' first touch of the game was meant to be on the ball, but instead it
was on Huws - picking up a yellow card in the process for a rash tackle.
68'
But Jovetic now makes way for Guidetti as Richards also comes on for
Kolarov. Mexes, Albertazzi and Saponara are on for Milan in place of
Muntari, Rami and De Sciglio.
65'
Jovetic has had a really promising game so far with his goals and looked
to add to his tally again. He back-heeled the ball to keep it in play, picked
up a pass again and then curled a shot just over the bar.
62'
SubstitutionJavi GarcíaFernando
Pellegrini has made his first chances as Garcia and Huws come on in
place of Fernando and Iheanacho.
58'
Goal Stevan Jovetic
Honda given a chance from a free-kick in a strong position just
outside the City box but he hits his effort into the wall.
57'
GOAL! Jovetic has scored again as City extend their lead to 5-1! He
played a smart one-two with Kolarov and hit the back of the net after
Milan failed to pick up his run.
53'
Balotelli has made a real impact in this game already and has just found
the net - only to see it ruled as offside. He tapped the ball in from just
yards out but the officials made the correct call.
51'
Essien leaps at the back-post to meet the corner with a header, but it's
nodded tamely into the hands of Caballero - much to the annoyance of
Balotelli who felt the cross was intended for him.
50'
Balotelli does well to charge down Nastasic and force a corner.
48'
Iheanacho wins the first corner of the second half, which results in a
further two. But Milan defends them well and are now back with the ball.
46'
SubstitutionAndrea PoliMichael Essien
46'
SubstitutionKevin ConstantDaniele Bonera
46'
SubstitutionMario BalotelliStephan El Shaarawy
46'
We're back underway for the second half!
City look set to continue with the same eleven for the start of this second
half. Milan, on the other hand, are bringing two players on from the
bench - Mario Balotelli and Michael Essien.
The weather appears to have brightened up as players are back on the
pitch and fans are slowly spilling back into the stands. It looks like we'll
have that second half of play after all!
MATCH SUSPENDED: Officials have now taken the decision to suspend
the game for a period of 20 minutes as they make a decision on the
weather conditions for the second half.
A storm over Heinz Field is disrupting the second half of play in this
game as fans take shelter inside over threats of lightning.
Interestingly, despite the score-line, Inzaghi’s side have carved out a
number of decent chances for themselves too. Set-pieces have looked
particularly strong for them and it’s no surprise to see their goal come
from a corner. But they’re defending has been a real issue and that needs
addressing.
Goals from Jovetic, Sinclair, Navas and Iheanacho have ensured City
head into the interval with a commanding hold on the game, despite a late
Muntari goal towards the end. City have looked dangerous with every
attack but Milan’s defending has been weak. Navas in particular has
enjoyed himself so far with his direct play causing problems.
45'
HALF-TIME: That's the whistle for the end of the first half and it's AC
Milan 1-4 Manchester City.
42'
Goal Sulley Muntari
GOAL! Muntari has pulled one back for Milan! A corner was aimed
to Alex in the box, yet again, who nodded the ball down for the
Ghanaian to simply poke home on the line.
42'
Muntari was a fraction offside in the goal but the officials didn't spot it.
38'
Navas is on top form so far tonight on the right-hand side and could have
created another. He whipped an inviting cross into the box but it evaded
everybody.
35'
Better play on the ball from Inzaghi's side but they're still getting hit on
the break far too easily. Jovetic found the net with a shot after Milan lost
possession, but it's ruled as offside.
32'
Another good chance for Milan there as El Shaarawy picks up a superb
right-wing cross only to see Caballero parry for a corner.
30'
Chance for Niang after a ball over the top but he drags his shot wide of
the goal and Caballero is happy to see it drift wide.
29'
Corner for Milan at the other end as they look for a brief rest-bite and it
was Alex again who came closest to the delivery. He got in front of his
marker, Nastastic, but couldn't make a connection with the ball from his
head.
27'
Very little time in between those two City doubles and Inzaghi's side look
vulnerable with every attack on their goal.
25'
GOAL! Can you believe it? Pellegrini's side have yet another goal and are
now coasting this game with a 4-0 lead! City broke from the left and
Iheanacho picked up the ball on the edge of the box. With defenders in
front of him, he toe-poked a shot and it nestled into the bottom left
corner. What a half for the Manchester club so far!
23'
Goal Jesús Navas González
GOAL! City are cruising here after notching another goal! Navas is
the scorer after attempting a spectacular overhead kick inside the
box. His effort took a deflection and wrong-footed Agazzi in goal.
20'
A late tackle on El Shaarawy from Clichy gives Milan the chance to
capitalise from a free-kick. It's in a good area in the City third but the
delivery is hit straight into the hands of Caballero.
17'
Familiar territory then for Inzaghi in this Champions Cup. 17 minutes in
they were trailing to Olympiakos in their previous fixture and, 17
minutes in today, and they're trailing again. Not the start he would have
hoped for after their earlier defeat.
14'
Goal Scott Sinclair
GOAL! City have another! Quickfire double for Pellegrini's side as
Sinclair adds to their tally just minutes after their first. Superb start!
14'
City's second came from the right yet again, this time after a cross from
Clichy. He received the ball from Navas and swung the ball into the box
for Sinclair to swivel and rifle into the net.
12'
Goal Stevan Jovetic
GOAL! Manchester City have taken the lead and it's Jovetic who has
scored after a finely driven effort past the keeper at his near post.
12'
It was a terrific cross-field pass to Navas, hugging the touchline on the
right, that started the move out of nothing. The Spaniard picked out a
pass for Jovetic and he took his effort first time.
6'
A cheap free-kick ends that spell with the ball and Milan restart from a
set-piece in their own half.
5'
Pellegrini's side a little slow to start in this game so far with a few
unforced errors in the pass, but they've won the ball back and are back in
possession in the Milan third.
2'
The corner comes in as Alex makes a connection but the ball falls
harmlessly wide of the goal.
1'
Early chance for El Shaarawy after a quick break through the middle but
Boyata blocks the shot as it goes wide for a corner.
1'
We're off! City start us off, kicking from left to right.
And we're minutes away from kick-off now with both sets of players out
on the pitch! City are in their away kit, Milan in their third.
City make just two changes from their victory against Sporting Kansas
with Clichy and Nastasic added to their defensive line in place of
Richards and Rekik. Caballero keeps his place in goal despite the return
of Hart from England duty.
Manchester City XI: Caballero, Clichy, Kolarov, Boyata, Nastasic,
Fernando, Navas, Zuculini, Sinclair, Jovetic, Iheanacho. Substitutes:
Hart, Wright, Lawlor, Richards, Denayer, Garcia, Huws, Rodwell,
Guidetti, Rodwell.
No Mario Balotelli in the Milan starting line-up as the striker is eased
back into pre-season following the World Cup. But manager Inzaghi
makes six changes to the side that lost their opening Champions Cup
fixture a few days ago with Agazzi, De Sciglio, Alex, Constant, Muntari
and Honda all coming in.
AC Milan XI: Agazzi, De Sciglio, Alex, Rami, Constant, Poli, Cristante,
Muntari, Honda, Niang, El Shaarawy. Substitutes: Abbiati, Gabriel,
Mexes, Albertazzi, Abate, Bonera, Zaccardo, Saponara, Essien, Mastalli,
Pinato, Pazzini, Balotelli, Mastour.
Milan kicked this tournament off with the opening fixture against
Olympiakos, succumbing to a 3-0 defeat. City on the other hand already
have a victory under their belt in their US tour, as a stunning Bruno
Zuculini half-volley guided them to a 4-1 win over Sporting Kansas. But
it’s the fourth fixture of this International Champions Cup where our
attentions turn to tonight, so let’s see the team news.
Good evening and welcome to live commentary of AC Milan against
Manchester City in the International Champions Cup. I’m Tom Davis,
and I’ll be guiding you through the action.

SHAKIRA SETS NEW FACEBOOK WORLD RECORD AFTER
REACHING 100 MILLION LIKES . . Guinness World Records can today confirm that pop star Shakira has set a
new social media record after gaining the title for first person to reach 100
million likes on Facebook.
The Colombian singer-songwriter reached the benchmark figure after
posting a photo of herself in the Maracanã Stadium in Rio, Brazil last
Sunday, prior to her performance during the closing ceremony of the 2014
FIFA World Cup.
At Maracanã hours away from the final! !En el Maracanã a horas de
la final! Shak pic.twitter.com/yNRmsCmELo
— Shakira (@shakira) July 13, 2014
The image collected over 3.5 million likes in just four days, becoming the
star’s most liked Facebook post to date.
The new milestone adds to Shakira’s existing record for most “liked”
person on Facebook, a title she holds ahead of fellow pop stars Rihanna
and Eminem.
Speaking of her new achievement, Shakira said: "I am honored and
humbled about reaching this milestone, because it's one that's purely about
connecting with my fans from all parts of the globe,”
She added: “Social media and specifically Facebook has helped myself
and other artists bridge the gap between the stage and the audience. We've
been able to create a conversation, where both artists and fans can share
with one another their thoughts, achievements, the most important
moments of their lives in photographs and videos, and have a real,
ongoing dialogue."

9 YEARS OLD BOY marries 62 YEARS OLD WOMAN IN THE NAME OF REMARRY AND BOTH KISSING IN THE ALTER ......................................... ................The 9-year-old Saneie Masilela due to ‘family culture’, has decided to
remarry his bride, Helen Shabangu, who has already had five children.
The dapper-looking baby faced ‘groom’ and his mature bride looked quite
extravagant as they were kissing each other in a bid to show their love, to
the amazement of all the 100 guests present at the event.
Both families have confirmed their consent to the wedding, as the formal
husband of the bride and two of her children, aged 28 and 38, have made it
publicly known. They are happy that the couple are helping with the
family ritual, which is meant to appease the ancestors of their family.
Revealing how they had all taken up the financial responsibilities of the
said wedding, the formal husband says he is unperturbed about what
anyone says.
The baby groom still has the hopes of remarrying a girl within his age
range in future. However, he says that he loves his present bride as that
was what made him to take the bold step of marrying Helen.
The bride, who expressed her happiness over the fact that the boy picked
her, told the newsmen that the boy will continue to live a normal life, as
other boys of his age, and will later get married to a younger bride, within
his age limits. Helen added that they were both just fulfilling family
traditions.
Saint zarzey

OUR HANDS ARE CLEAN....no be so. Imagine..................-----------...................--------------.......................------.. First it was SARS(Severe Actute
Respiratory
Syndrome; SARS). Many were
reported
dead, We are still here.
Then came bird flu, many people and
animals were reported dead. We still
dey
kampe.
Then they came out wit lassa fever,
Many were said to have died. We are still
here
praising
God and grooving..
Then came AIDS (Acquired Immune
Deficiency Syndrome), Many People were
Reported dead from many
countries. Many
are suffering 4rm it...
Yet you are free from it.
Now they called this one EBOLA virus. They
advised Us to wash our hands or
take our
bath each time We shake or hug
someone..... But the truth is that we are
UNTOUCHABLE!
He has assured us that no evil shall
befall
us nor any PLAGUE come near
our Dwelling. Therefore, I decree and
declare
that no
One connected to us will
be infected In JESUS name...!!!