My boyfriend (serious relationship) has a child from his former wife (5 years old). We are thinking about going to nigeria, and his family has not met me yet. I was very happy about this suggestion since i wish nothing more than to meet his family.

But there is one point that is worrying me. He wants us to go with his child. I dont know if this is stupid but i was just wondering if that might affect the way his family would think about me. Me going there to meet his parents with his child from the ex wife.

What do you say to that. Would you as "his brother, sister or father" think this to be a strange situation (of course if you already know each other it is different) but seeing your future daughter in law or sister in law with the child of your son's / brother's ex wife?
!

Come on people - I want to hear your opinion on this!

People here are so nice, wait a little bit more.
I am Brazilian, I can't help.

But I have "heard" that nigerians old parents are not comfortable with their "small babes"marrying foreign women.
Is a problem to me , I am black, imagine you? white

Don't you know almost average of them are tribalist or racist or cultured (I dont know the best adjective)?

@Udode,
Speaking for myself here - I'll be disappointed to have such a brother who is developing into a serial divorcee. However, I am not in a position to tell anyone how to live their lives so I'll have to accept the way he chose to live his life.

The fact that he is taking you to meet his family before marriage means that he is serious about you and you are best keeping an open mind. I'll advise you continue being the way you've always been and not let the trip trouble your mind.

I'll also advise that you watch out for advise that may sound like 'looking out for you' but may be misleading, especially from some around here.

All the best

BTW do you have a child for him?

How do you know he is divorced for sure??

@justGood
Thanks for your comments. You know his ex-wife is also a white woman, and i am rahter sure that there was also a question of papers involved - the child was an accident. So therefore I think it might change the way of looking at it. i am white too, but since he has his papers now, i don't need to be worried too much about his feelings towards me. I am just thinking about his family, i want to make a good impression and built up a close relationship - but being the "second" one is just not easy.

And no - we do not have children yet, i am still very young and not in a hurry :-)

@Leilah

I know that he is divorced, I have helped him with his lawyers and everything. There is no point of doubt

have a peaceful heart sistah. at least he is not datng you for kpali

I don't see what the big deal is. No child is an accident by the way

What i don`t understand is. Your BF was married to another white woman for papers?
Still that didn`t stop him from sleeping with the woman and she got pregnant?
And now that child is called an " accident "??

It is more complicated than that. Of course they loved each other, but paper also played a role in this relationship- since if not for the marriage, he would not have been able to stay here.
Of course they had sex like every other couple- but the woman was telling him that she is taking the pill - which she was not doing - which is the reason she got pregnant. So it is an accident from his point of view - in her eyes it was planned.

Im not here to discuss their relationship, I am sure they had both their reasons to separate - but there is still the child now -and i am just not so sure if his family will welcome another white woman again!

pls - im trying to explain this well, but if im not makin myself clear - im glad to try again

@omoge

I do have a peaceful mind. I was just interested in the views of nigerians. I know i have found the right one - which is the reason i want to try my best when i meet his family :-)

True be told, you will definitely have a hard time with the people in naija no matter what you do to be polite and nice especially when the folks are not well educated and also it depends on the area where your bobo is from , i mean Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba and other minority groups.Be ready to face a lot of critics and snubs,the stand of your husband for you will also go along way determining your acceptance in to the society.But above all keep all courage ,be optimistic and be sincere with your dealings with them and your love will see you through.Cheers,

@bintab

Thanks for your advice! I know it will not be easy, but I am sure they will accept me in the end - after all im not a monster

he is from igbo land by the way!

Igbo people mostly insisted on their sons especially the 1st son marries from their land not merely just an igbo but insisted she has to be from thesame tribe.Things are now changing with the educated ones,they are a little lenient with the choices their children now makes.I sincerely pray your hearthrob folks are among the understanding who put love first above all.Meanwhile ,i don't think they will have a problem accepting ur step daughter at all,most Nigerians i mean grand parent loves their grandchildren unconditionally, in short you should adopt this step child of yours whole heartedly as it will definitely help woo the heart of your spouse family. A child in a relationship goes a long way in Africa not only naija people.Wish you the best baby girl.

Thats really good girl I am so happy for you! cases like this are rare. he is bringing you down to Nigeria, he has all his papers. You must be really out of this world!! well fair play to you and wish you all the best of luck. If the ex wife had of been Nigerian I wouldn't have believed he was divorced. But that explains it all.

Youre very lucky I mean very lucky. When you arrive, pls address his father as 'sir' and his mother as 'mama' this is a great gesture. Also express and interest in the culture. If you smoke or drink also I wouldn't do that in front of them. I do but didn't do that in front of them. Man! your one lucky woman it really shows he is not using you for papers. I was brought to Nigeria to 'get married' I will never know whats gonna happen with my marriage.

Your so lucky,

Dear Leilah

I know exactely how you feel- trust me!
I have been married before (i mean i still am but i am trying to get my divorce through as soon as possible) and till this day i cannot tell you weathr it was for paper or not that he wanted to marry me . You live in doubts and the worst thing is you will only stop doubting when you are proved right - because you cannot be proven rigght!
after all - i am veeeeery greatful i found someone who i know 100% that it is for love he wants to bring me to nigeria - and it feels wonderful!


Just keep your head up - know who you are and respect yourself - and you will never have to regret anything!

Leilah i just looked at your picture - you are very pretty!
you have to believe more in yourself!?!

Thanks for the hint with the "sir". Ill keep it in mind. His mother is not alive anymore (unfortunately)!

@Udode,

Give your boyfriend a chance. If a Nigerian man wants to take u home to 9ja to meet his parents, he is serious.

Don't worry about it. In laws love white wives in 9ja.

Advise, learn to kneel down with your knees for people older than you & they will love totally.

Respect is a big thing in 9ja. Don't disrespect people. Take presents like shoes and clothes for your dad in law to be. The others give what you can.

Your boyfriend's child is their child & they will love her.

Do u love the child? If u do. Then, don't worry.

I felt anxious when I went to 9ja to meet my in laws, even though, I am black 9ja girl.

Thanks udode!