FIVE PRACTICAL WAYS TO HELP A CHILD WHO DOESN’T LIKE GOING TO SCHOOL

As a father and experienced school adminisrator, I’ve seen and sympathized with frustrated parents who resort to physically putting their younger children into the car and driving them to school, then carrying them kicking and screaming into the building before being left with a staff member. Many years ago, a lot of us used to think this can only happen in the Western world where most of the children are motivated to go to school and not in our country Nigeria. We believe that Nigerians cherish education because many people are deprived of it either directly or indirectly. But nowadays, the case has changed. Many pupils now prefer to sing, act, paint, drum or do other things apart from what they can learn inside the four walls of a classroom.


As a parent, if you find your child losing interest in school, the key is not to get drawn into a power struggle with your child over school, but to address the underlying problem. Your children will not learn the appropriate coping skills to change their behaviour if you keep engaging in this fight with them. Instead, it will only add to the negativity of the situation.
I’ve also met parents of defiant teens who respond to their child’s refusal to attend school by yelling, screaming, and taking everything away. These parents are trying to hold their kids accountable, but they’re setting up a dynamic of “I’ve got nothing to lose” in their child’s mind. Their teens actually become motivated to refuse school even more because it’s one of the few things he can control. Instead, these parents need to get to the root of the problem and coach their children out of it.

Other parents get worn down by their child and simply give up; they let their child become truant or drop out of school because they’ve had it.

Why Do Kids Refuse to Go to School?

From my experience, most kids who refuse to go to school fall into one or more of these four categories:

• Kids who are being bullied or those who are having trouble getting along with peers, either for the short term or the long term

• Kids who are struggling academically and for whom school has become a very negative experience

• Kids who have problems with authority and following the rules

• Kids who are experiencing some anxiety—separation anxiety, (usually in younger kids), or worry about tests, what’s happening at home, or whether or not they’ll be picked up that day, etc.


How to Turn Things Around

1) Assess the problem from the root. Sometimes it is actually a child’s lack of problem solving skills that are the root of the issue. For example, your child might be falling behind in class, but doesn’t know how to approach his/her teacher and ask for help. Spend some time talking with your child to really dig deep into the problem. Ask open ended questions—these usually start with “what,” “when,” or “how.” You might ask, “When do you have the toughest time in school?” or “What goes on for you when the teacher assigns something that seems really difficult?” You might also get input from the teacher and support staff at your child’s school as well—they often see things you don’t see, and report things your child won’t report to you. You can also consult a private home tutor who can help you to assess the child and give you a report of your child’s general academic performance. At times, you may need an independent report that is different from the school for a rational and unbiased assessment. There are few tutor agencies that offer this kind of service in Nigeria; I recommend www.thinkfirsttutors.com for the service in Lagos, Nigeria, it is free.

2) Think of finding solutions from home and school. Think of the people who work at your child’s school as your team mates. While they often bring a different perspective to the table, I can tell you that most of them have the same goal—they care about your child and they want to help your child learn and grow, academically and personally. It takes commitment from the staff as well as commitment from you in order to help your child through a challenging time—just because the problem is taking place at school does not mean that you get to sit back and let the teachers handle it. When you are feeling lost about what to do, teachers often have great, effective ideas that you can try—don’t be afraid to ask for some guidance. Teachers might also refer you to the school counsellor for additional support and ideas.

3) Understand that it is a gradual process. Change is not an overnight process. Your child will most likely not make a complete turnaround and start liking—or even tolerating school in a twinkle of an eye. Start where your child is right now and gradually increase your expectations over time until you’ve achieved your goal. Be patient and check in with the school often. Talk with your child often as well to see if things are getting better, and come up with new ideas to try if needed. Continue to draw upon your support system for ideas and possible solutions. Children with peer challenges might need some assertiveness training—a lot of kids don’t know how to speak up respectfully when another student offends them.

4) Encourage and motivate your child by using positive incentives. Recognize your child’s progress, even “baby steps.” Let your child know you can see s/he is trying, or let her know you noticed that s/he cried a bit less (or fought a bit less!) this morning and she’s on the right track. Frame your accountability system in a positive way: “For each day that you do this, you get an extra 15 minutes of computer time.” Or “Once you do that, you earn certain benefit for the day.” Notice I am not saying never to use consequences. I suggest offering extra incentives first and if that doesn’t work, make a current privilege dependent upon your child going to school each day. Every time you offer an incentive there is a built-in consequence—they don’t earn the incentive. No school today, no incentive tonight and they can try again tomorrow. If they don’t go to school at least 4 days out of 5, they don’t get to ‘here or there’ over the weekend. So while it’s framed positively in the first two examples above, there is a consequence, and this can be used with ODD kids as well. Kids who are dealing with anxiety-based issues especially benefit from positive incentives such as earning something special on the weekend once they go to school each day.

5) Speak Up. If you notice some seriously defiant behaviour and your child does not respond to these strategies after a week or two, then it’s definitely time to reach out for some support—locate a therapist or counsellor who can help you get your child’s defiance under control. You may also need to consider the option of sending your child to a boarding school.

I’ve worked with so many kids who struggled for the first few weeks of school and improved so much over the course of the year. Were there setbacks? Yes, of course! But kids are resilient and they can learn and adjust with some coaching and support from you. Also, don’t forget about your school counsellor, social worker, or psychologist as they can be valuable supports for you along the way, and can provide information on helpful community resources, too. Speak up, reach out, and ask for help. It might be just what your child needs.

Written by Akinyele Kolade Abel,
koladeakinyele@thinkfirsttutors.com
www.thinkfirsttutors.com
“There are no dull students anywhere...”

Source: http://grammarembassy..com/2014/07/five-practical-ways-to-help-child-who.html

Wow, You're absolutely right about everything especially the motivation part. Ya know, most Nigerian parents ‘motivate’ their kids by habitual flogging which is very bad. - Teachers ain't an exception either. I've witnessed this alot and it's very annoying. I just glad you decided to share something like this - High five!

@OP, this a very good article. I was so engrossed in reading everything you wrote from head to tail. Bravo!

It is not all children that want to go to school these days. In fact the whole system is boring. After schooling, what next? There are many unemployed graduates out there with no job.

So, what is the motivation for the young ones who still want to go to school? Many teenagers of today will want to be another 2face, Dbanj, Genevieve, Wande Coal, Olamide, Wizkid, Bill Gates and the likes. I believe there is short term success and long term success; it takes a wise youth to think twice before making decision about schooling these days. #JustSaying

budiliscious: @OP, this a very good article. I was so engrossed in reading everything you wrote from head to tail. Bravo!

It is not all children that want to go to school these days. In fact the whole system is boring. After schooling, what next? There are many unemployed graduates out there with no job.

So, what is the motivation for the young ones who still want to go to school? Many teenagers of today will want to be another 2face, Dbanj, Genevieve, Wande Coal, Olamide, Wizkid, Bill Gates and the likes. I believe there is short term success and long term success; it takes a wise youth to think twice before making decision about schooling these days. #JustSaying

At bolded , I started hearing of this since when I was young. Most people making this statement are still living from hand to mouth while the ones who didn't listen are doing well in their respective fields. Go to school first and you stand at upper edge than the ones who didn't.

Nice post @ OP.

Yes that's very true. Infact that's what those loafers use in encouraging themselves or making themselves feel happy just to discourage other hard working people trying to get a degree or get a sound education

Chillisauce:

At bolded , I started hearing of this since when I was young. Most people making this statement are still living from hand to mouth while the ones who didn't listen are doing well in their respective fields. Go to school first and you stand at upper edge than the ones who didn't.

Nice post @ OP.

gud. Nice write up op.

Why should a pupil refuse to go to school? I beg make you flog am make the spirit of 'no go school' commot for her body. This is Nigeria, Education is paramount. Good work OP. I book this space till it gets to front page. Na me na me.

If My Mum Had Done All This..



Mehn.. That Game center tho..

op nice article unto the maters
the only flows this cant work on is nigeria kids brought up in waffi style they dont hear cool talking only cain can work on them even the bible says "train up a child in the way he should grow and he will not the part from it" and it also " spare the rod you spoil the child" so my advice to parents is to use anyone which works for you

Mum jst got it all right,i luv school like baby luv sucking breast

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Nice tips

in my house its one tip spank his fuckin ass and he will see himself in class

Though I don't have a wife yet , I know I will be the best dad in the world to my children. So help me God. Txs @op

Nice post @ Op.
If anyone bullies my kid eh!!..Heaven will hell; Even devil will pity for the parents if that kid.

Its so unfortunate that "the order of the CANE" applies in this part of the world.

The kid is being chased to school by parents through flogging, where the teacher in turn completes the cycle by using the cane as a medium of communication.

I think the main causes are poor communication btw parents & children and bad approach to teaching or corrections by teachers.
-MyHumbleSubmission

Tell d child d story of jona of going to school bare footed n becoming d president.... Bullies n wicked teachers makes children run away from going to school

illiteracy is not an excuse... ..tell d child, if u dnt go to sch u will die...
dats all

Nice one @op. Though am yet to have my own kids but one thing I know I will always do when I have them is to always make them believe in themselve right from the very scratch. If a child detest school, I think the parents should take a huge part of the blame. As parents we have a very huge responsibilities on us in raising those kids to become responsible in life. I know of someone whose farewell message to his kids before dropping them at school is "know who you are and know whose you are, never let anyone intimidate you because you are better than no one and no one is better than you, you are unique and special". Tell me which kid will not be inspired and motivated to put in their best in their academics after a daily dose of such words from a father or mum they so trust and believe in?

1.cane. 2.koboko. 3.belt. 4.firewood. 5.shoe. Apply these drugs every morning(mon-fri) , if symptoms persist visit ur local herbalist for Africascience.

How i wish my mum read this when i was growing..


The only practical way she helped me then was flogging me until i prefer the teachers cane to hers, then running after the teachers cane than sitting back to receive hers.

She made it clear, it's either you walk to school, or i flog you to school. Either ways, you must be in school every morning.

When I was done with my ssce.
I told my Dad this "if you don't get me a car, no university for me"
Dad obliged and bought me a brand new 306 the next week.
Now I'm a graduate sha.

Most Nigerian parents don't know the function of a psychologist. They tend to generalise the myth that only those with mentall illness ought to visit a psychologist.
P.s: If you discover any learning deficiency in your ward, make him see a Psychologist.

beat ! incase you aint patient enough to follow all rules

Una go jux carry oyinbo principle n lyf style cum dey post for here..dem tell u sey oyinbo dey soak garii,,chop kulikuli,,, any pikin wey no wan go scholl,,,koboko,,cane,n igbati z d solution,,mak dat kin pikin no turn to anoda MAMA Patience j

Interesting read

Good write up.
#To be a man is not a day job# Nwoke na ife

You have made a good efforts to explain your points, kudos!
The underlaying factor a child might not want to engage in educational activity like attending school and what you need to do is very simple as this was expalined by Abraham Marslow in Marslow theory of needs, you can google it if you like.It explained that a child need are in different stages and one stage of need has to be met before he can move to another stage and so on and so forth.....read it yourself as form of academic exercise.

Well done OP

abrakhigbe: You have made a good efforts to explain your points, kudos!
The underlaying factor a child might not want to engage in educational activity like attending school and what you need to do is very simple as this was expalined by Abraham Marslow in Marslow theory of needs, you can google it if you like.It explained that a child need are in different stages and one stage of need has to be met before he can move to another stage and so on and so forth.....read it yourself as form of academic exercise.

You want people to read Abraham Maslow's theory because their wards refuse to go to school? Haba the koboko route is much easier and faster, 99.99% of Nigerians will prefer it.

Chillisauce:

At bolded , I started hearing of this since when I was young. Most people making this statement are still living from hand to mouth while the ones who didn't listen are doing well in their respective fields. Go to school first and you stand at upper edge than the ones who didn't.

Nice post @ OP.

@Chillsause, I have also heard about it for long but that doesn't mean only those who go to school eventually become rich. Read between the lines please.

Good one!

i like going to school....

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