Church Announcements

***These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.***

- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the St. Martin's Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

- The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

- Don't let worry kill you off, let the church help.

- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Jack's sermons.

- The Priest will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell"? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

- This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

- The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

- The Priest unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours!"

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

thatz what i find funny

*dies*

;d ;d ;d ;d ;d