narrator
The movie starts on a terminator blown to sh*t setpiece which james macvoy is having a problem with
james mcavoy
The future in 2023 the world now has
flying robots and space ships what's the deal man?
stan lee
oh i see you didn't mind when the prequel to this movie was based on a cuban missile crisis caused by a boring and vaguely written kevin bacon mutant but now i guess you are too good for marvel comic bullsh*t right?
james mcavoy
this is so wrong man it looks like a terminator movie setpiece
bryan singer
Fine make the robots bigger and call some kindergaten toddlers to barf crayon all over the setpiece
james mcavoy
Now it just looks like the setppiece for pacific rim
stan lee
(Scowls)
james mcavoy
*rolling eyes* alright fine it's fifty years after xmen first class in the year 2023 and there are new mutants oya newbies introduce yourself
narrator
The deadly jaegerssentinels fly around cause apparently in the future there is no need for smaller more powerful and undetectable drones you know like people do in real life
Meanwhile in a blown to sh*t setpiece
Mutant newbies introduce themselves as they kick jaeger sentinel butt like they are characters from a sega 16 bits video game
CHOOSE YOUR PLAYERS
shawn ashmore
I am ice man the cool one
daniel cudmore
I am colossus the hot one
elle page
I am kitty and don't ask me why a kiddy cartoon character has a str*pper name like that......... anyway i'm the forgettable one whose continous employment in hollywood remains one of life's greatest mysteries and here comes a couple of more bullsh*t characters
Bullsh*t character #1
I am portal cosplay you may know me as thunder bird but you know how marvel wraps up old gifts in new wrapping paper
audience
You mean like when tylor mane was sabre tooth in part one but turned out to be a clean shaved liev schreiber and hugh jackman's brother in xmen origins? Or when toad from xmen 1 turned into some hollywood extra in x men last stand that was foiled in the most ridiculous way ever seen on tv
loki
hey! I thought ridiculous was my turf?
bullsh*t character #1
@ audience that's right
bullsh*t character #2
My name is unknown and i am a johny storm pirated version
bullsh*t character #3
And i am major na by force? my super power is that my gun glows when i get energy Yea it's as hopeless as it sounds
omar sy
I'm Bishop, and my power is to look as scary as f*ck even when i'm the good guy
shawn ashmore
The jaegers Sentinels are melting my ice with fire powers? how is that even possible? What do these things run on? Ellen can't you just take an electrician with you into the robot to f*ck up it's circuit and wiring?
johny storm pirated
And it is freezing my flames when it can simply just step on all of us and call it a day
ellen page
(Flipping through script) wow! It's been only 10 minutes and we are already throwing. Consistency and realism out tha window? since when did i get time travelling abilities?
Anyway
narrator
They teleport to go meet with patrick stewart( Marvel you wanna explain how this dude is still alive), ian gay-a*ss mckellen, terribly aging halley berry, and hugh jackman at another blown to sh*t setpiece
patrick stewart
Wait wait wait ellen so you can teleport from one place to the other and your timing for these teleportations is wait till they've murdered the f*ck out of everyone before you do anything?
daniel craig from skyfall
I thought that was my thing?
ellen page
Professor, you're alive?! Didn't famke janssen like rip you to sh*t in xmen 3?
patrick stewart
Em............... Well you know how i just learnt how to time travel? Yea so i time travelled my a*ss to a stationery shop where i was put back together by lots of doc tape and .............well It was in the commentary of the f*cking DVD hello?
Audience
Yea sure! bury a major plot point in the extra features of the most hated film in the series good idea
ian mckellen
Alright settle in everyone let the movie begin i'm an old man and i've got to hit the rest room real quick
Jennifer Lawrence shot Peter Dinklage which made the world angry and initiated the jaegersentinel programme now you have to transport patrick stewart back to the 70s to stop it
Audience #1
Wow! That's it? That's the thin storyline we are going to use to tie the plot together with a storyline like this you don't have a plot but just setpieces and how come these robots just launched when in 2006 the x-men were already using it for training in the danger room? And what ever happened to the cure i mean it cured lots of folks
bryan singer
bryan singer is the director of this movie hello? You act like you don't remember what i did to superman returns let's just say when i was done it needed a reboot
Audience #2
bryan singer you know it's not too late to get a refund (walks out)
To be continued.........

Actually i don't mind if you yab this movie it really sucked and i really hated it worst N1500 spent msshew

SMH

@severee, If you're really the author of the OP, then I doff my hat to you. That's an excellent piece of writing, mate.

why do you take forever to finish your stories na just post everything at once. God my ribs

RayMcBlue: @severee, If you're really the author of the OP, then I doff my hat to you. That's an excellent piece of writing, mate.

THIS IS NOT EVEN HIS BEST HE DID ONE ON AMAZING SPIDERMAN2
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY LIFE

leverage:

THIS IS NOT EVEN HIS BEST HE DID ONE ON AMAZING SPIDERMAN2
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY LIFE

Only amazing spiderman, captain america nko?

Severee i miss this ya post.

Csami:

Only amazing spiderman, captain america nko?

Severee i miss this ya post.

HIS VERSION OF WINTER SOLDIER WAS GOOD BUT THAT SPIDERMAN,NA NAIRALAND DATA LOSS PHUCK UP I FOR PUT THE LINK HERE.
SEVEREE ITS A 9ICE HOBBY YOU'VE GOT I ENVY YOU O

Couldn't find his Spiderman 2 posts on his profile though. Obviously, one of the victims of the infamous data loss.

leverage:
THIS IS NOT EVEN HIS BEST HE DID ONE ON AMAZING SPIDERMAN2
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY LIFE

Csami:

Only amazing spiderman, captain america nko?

Severee i miss this ya post.

Too bad I missed his take on Spiderman 2. I probably would have enjoyed it cuz I hated the movie.

leverage:

HIS VERSION OF WINTER SOLDIER WAS GOOD BUT THAT SPIDERMAN,NA NAIRALAND DATA LOSS PHUCK UP I FOR PUT THE LINK HERE.
SEVEREE ITS A 9ICE HOBBY YOU'VE GOT I ENVY YOU O

The guy's definitely talented.

there are some things i dont understand in this movie. for one does the events in this movie cancel out what happened in x men the last stand?
Is jane alive now ?
Is xavier alive?
Does magneto still have his powers?
All in all the movie was a huge disappointment

francleanflexy: there are some things i dont understand in this movie. for one does the events in this movie cancel out what happened in x men the last stand?
Is jane alive now ?
Is xavier alive?
Does magneto still have his powers?
All in all the movie was a huge disappointment

Yes to everything

ellen page (Flipping through script)wow! It's been only 10 minutes and we are already throwing. Consistency and realism out tha window? since when did i get time travelling abilities?

This part just had me

Very funny OP, really funny
The storyline of this movie didn't do it for me at all.

The fact that whoever wrote this messed up facts about x-men 3 (saying professor Xavier dies) just shows the type of BS this is

ellen page
But guys fifty years is pretty long sending someone that far can.............
audience
Not be possibly done and perhaps patrick stewart should just influence the minds of the security council to elect aerial strikes on the sentinel command center so this torture of a movie can end and we can all go home ?
ellen page
i was gonna say sending someone that far can scramble their brain............. You know? it's gonna be your longest two hours yet so settle in or risk being the odd one out when everyone is talking about the movie
on monday
ian mckellen
Brain scrambled?Really? O i didn't think abt that
ellen page
Seriously? Did you guys even have a plan at all?
halle berry
or a script c'mon i've been in this for quite a bit and i haven't even made a sound
patrick stewart
all of you shut up i can't hear myself through all your thoughts. That's right i can hear your thoughts ellen page forget it chris nolan isn't gonna make an inception 2 he is too busy cooking up some bullsh*t excuse to bring aqua man outta DC's a*ss so you may end up like austin st john or ayana angel and go into p*rn to pay your mortgage, halleberry the answer to your thoughts is Yes your husband is unfaithful and i bet he is flirting with a paparrazzi right now who is taking photos of your kids, hugh yes you are getting old and yes marvel executives shall switch you for another "doomed to marvel" actor instead of letting the franchise die with you cos apparently greed is no longer a wall street thing alone and you are beginning to have a soccer mom's butt which brings me to ian the answer to your thought is yes hugh is the sexiest in the room so stop wondering what shape my butt will have if i wasn't on a wheel chair focus your sexual energy of hugh instead
hugh jackman
Say what? Wait a minute Don't worry patrick stewart I can time travel and rewrite history i guess my super healing abilities can stop my memory from getting damaged (even though i am still yet to recover from my adamantium bullet memory loss) besides i need to stab people i mean that's why anyone comes to see an xmen movie these days right?!
patrick stewart
Okay all in favour say aiye............... cool now hugh shall go back in time to warn ian and myself in 1973
ian mckellen
1973? You mean the same 1973 when i'm in prison , you are acting like a b*tch on menopause and neither of us knows where jennifer is? Why don't you just transport hugh to the time you guys were house mates?
ellen page
Or you could send him to the time young james mcavoy found young jennifer lawrence butt-n*ked in his kitchen( trust me its not as sexy as it sounds) where hugh can talk young james mcavoy into mind controlling jennifer to NOT murder the dinklage fellow
hugh jackman
Or you could just tell me what made you depressed and how you elated yourself before i leave
patrick stewart
@ hugh nah i can't do that i have to pay attention to hollywood's strict no leaking plot details till it is stale and unnecessary policy
Besides it's also important that we save Jennifer from the dark side
hugh and the x-men
Say what?
patrick stewart
*sigh* don't you people watch superhero movies anymore , according to batman and superman , once you murder somebody( even for a good cause) it ravages your soul, kills your conscience,sends you into a dark void that can only be filled with more dead bodies and automatically turn you into a no good scum. With no hope of restoration
ian mckellen/hugh jackman/scarlett johansson/calvin harris/arrow/samuel l jackson/robert downey jr
well...............f*ck you too patrick
patrick stewart
Oh that's right almost everyone here has killed a f*ckton of people well......... it's okay when dudes do it.
narrator
Hugh lies on his back while ellen lays her hands on his head and hugh begins to scream dramatically as usual
hugh jackman
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
ellen page
dude it's just speed and lights what's with the fake climax? You sound like a female p*rnstar right now
hugh jackman
You know i have no idea why they make us do that especially when you take into consideration how st*pid we look when we do it , perhaps hollywood should look into that detail
ellen page
Alright game faces people i shall now be transporting hugh fifty years back in time to rewrite history and hope no one notices i am twenty seven years old and the time alteration may likely affect my existence


narrator
its 1973 and marvel kills sometime by force feeding us some jennifer lawrence boring action scenes where she uses her boring shape shifting "gifts" to save the lives of some boring mutants no one gives two sh*ts about who go about getting odd jobs and being boring
Next hugh heads unto xavier school of the gifted with his pre-adamantium claws yep the disgusting the one
hugh jackman
Wait a minute i thought i came from the future how come i have bone claws?
bryan singer
Its 1973 you haven't undergone the adamantium experiment
hugh jackman
But my memory is still f*cked doesn't that happen after the adamantium surgery?
bryan singer
Here's the equation, bryan singer + marvel comics = reasoning is a mutual enemy. So in other words you have bone claws for no reason
narrator
nicholas hoult answers the door

hugh jackman
dude c'mon we are shooting a scene where is your cookie monster costume?
nicholas hoult
No i actually look human now, i was able to create a serum to supress my X-genes
audience
serum? Congratulations you have unlocked the new marvel comics lazy excuse
hugh jackman
you were still making mutant cure serums? What happened to you accepting the beast within what happened to "mutant and proud"
nicholas hoult
Oh yea about that well we are in a timeline defying xmen movie so we can do whatever we like just like you remembering your japanese friend from WWII and james mcavoy being able to walk
hugh jackman
say what?!
james mcavoy
(Staggering drunk)
Hic! Hello audience i can walk thanks hic! To the multi-purpose bullsh*t serum excuse marvel has hic! Been shoving in our face for like eternity hic! Now who the f*ck is this guy?
hugh jackman
What da? man isn't this a kiddy movie? hold back the curses man kids are watching
james mcavoy
Hic! Kids? Do those still exist? Hic! They say even worse things than we do on tv Come closer lemme tell you something a kid said(whispers in hugh's ear)
hugh jackman
Holy sh*t you mean a kid said that to you?
james mcavoy
See? Now you are cursing too
hugh jackman
Alright in order for this movie to have a pg rating let's cool it down on the curses the f*cks have to go but the sh*ts can stay deal?okay now. Down to business i'm from the future and i need your help you can read my thoughts to know that i am for real
james mcavoy
Oh i forgot to add that the bullsh*t serum that helps me walk conveniently stops me from having mind powers you see i had to choose between saving mutants and rose byrnes a*ss on a platter so i took the serum option cause rose byrnes a*ss was hard to pass by
hugh jackman
I assure you i'm from the future and to prove it [s]i shall tell you something personal like jennifer lawrence isn't your real sister[/s] or [s]about your gay-ish relationship with micheal fassbender[/s] em em em em bryan singer is the director of this film

james mcavoy
*Gasp* why didn't you say so now i believe you what do you need?
hugh jackman
We need to steal from the plot of RED so let's assemble a team and travel to france to convince jennifer lawrence not to kill peter dinklage so that the government won't get agitated and activate the sentinel programme fifty years from now
james mcavoy
Fifty years? If it will take that long why don't you just go home i bet the government officials will be dead by then?
hugh jackman
Nah! I would rather take the dumbest And most stressful option on the list so how can i get in touch with her
james mcavoy
Well if you watched xmen first class you would have noticed she kinda dumped me on the beach and we havent seen ever since however fassbender has been seeing her so perhaps he could be of use to us
nicholas hoult
Unfortunately Michael is being held in a metal free prison way more secured than the bullsh*t playground they put him in x 2 which ironically is in the future
hugh jackman
Okay then lets start assembling our team to burst out micheal fassbender using mutant powers then get cops on our a*sses and perhaps hasten the commissioning of the jaegersentinel programme when we can simply just visit and ask questions i mean you still have connections with the government from xmen first class right james?
james mcavoy
dude? Bryan singer, marvel greedy executives and timeline defying x men movie= f*ck storyline accuracy all in the name of making an extra buck now who can help us with this jail break?
hugh jackman
How about my friend evan peters aka quick silver we worked together sometime ago and i remember even though my story starts with me having amnesia
narrator
they visit evan peters
evan peters
Good day everyone welcome aboard the evan peters express i shall be your quick silver today before H.Y.D.R.A gives me an extreme make over and turn me into aaron taylor johnson in avengers 2
hugh jackman
avengers 2? Aren't you going to be like super old by then?
evan peters
Not according to hollywood scriptures chapter 5 section12.6 verse 6 where it states that character ages are total bullsh*t in these type of movies or else Gambit would be like seventy years old , Mystique would be like eighty years old and not that hot mid thirties chick from xmen 3, and of course the most confusing of them all ,miss Emma Frost who is a teenager in x-men origins but a super sexy blonde in xmen first class which is way back dated and the professor.............
hugh jackman
man! Shut up and let's go already

narrator
Marvel gives a giant f*ck you to the pentagon when they try to convince us that speed is enough to impersonate a well trained and armed guard( who is probably aware of mutants by now) pass through security checks ,key card recognition door ways and motion sensors to burst a prisoner out of america's most secured building
marvel
now let's just hope al-qaeda doesn't get any ideas
narrator
Evan peters stops at micheal fassbender's cage wearing a security uniform? Was that really necessary?
micheal fassbender
Oh guard! Will like to take a sh*t now what da son?
evans peter
Pman!
bryan singer
oh no! We shall be having non of that strict timeline destruction policy you boys are just perfect strangers today
narrator
Evan speeds micheal up to the pentagon prison kitchen , where they meet up with hugh, james, and nicholas who do not explain how they got access to the building because it's that kind of movie.

micheal fassbender
James is that you? Buddie you wanna tell me how i wound up in an american prison when i was last seen in cuba? Of which i teleported outta there BTW and what did i do that was so wrong that i am in super secured military prison for a super villain with super powers i tend to get captured alot
narrator
Soldiers break into the kitchen
soldier #1
Alright everyone put your hands behind your heads and hit the floor right now
soldier #2
Dude what are you doing? there aint no cameras around here so no need respecting human rights lets give them the middle eastern villagers treament
soldier #3
You mean replace their vital organs with punches and bullets then piss on their corpse?
soldier #1
Hmmm! Sounds good to me
narrator
As the soldiers fire at them within the fraction of a second evan peters is able to flick the bullets off course with his fingers kick the sh*t out of all the guards, take a dump while solving crossword puzzles wipe his arsse with the guards faces, whip up some snacks and take a nap
hugh jackman
Wow! What a useful member to our team i mean you can avert any danger before it even happens................now get lost cause that's the best thing to do
evan peters
Aii cool time to go have sex with the scarlett witch who isn't my sister in this movie right?
bryan singer
that's right knock yourself out buddie
To be continued......

hugh jackman
Say what? Wait a minute Don't worry patrick stewart I can time travel and rewrite history i guess my super healing abilities can stop my memory from getting damaged (even though i am still yet to recover from my adamantium bullet memory loss)

BUSTED

bryan singer
Its 1973 you haven't undergone the adamantium experiment
hugh jackman
But my memory is still f*cked doesn't that happen after the adamantium surgery?

Erm,last time I checked his memory was transfered to his past body,in real sense his future Memories are in his past body(and not a combination of his past and future memories,just only his future memories),so I don't get the joke here

hugh jackman
avengers 2? Aren't you going to be like super old by then?
evan peters
Not according to hollywood scriptures chapter 5 section12.6 verse 6 where it states that [b]character ages are total bullsh*t in these type of movies

Erm I thought they're basically in a different cinematic universe,I mean Fox got Evans Quicksilver,and MCU got Aaron Quicksilver(basically they're both different) once again,I don't get the joke here

Guykhena:


Erm,last time I checked his memory was transfered to his past body,in real sense his future Memories are in his past body(and not a combination of his past and future memories,just only his future memories),so I don't get the joke here


Erm I thought they're basically in a different cinematic universe,I mean Fox got Evans Quicksilver,and MCU got Aaron Quicksilver(basically they're both different) once again,I don't get the joke here

Lmao this is supposed to be their excuses maybe the op should switch them with his punch lines for maximum laughter

33117:

Lmao this is supposed to be their excuses maybe the op should switch them with his punch lines for maximum laughter

Lmao,
Pls let's not derail,,
Trust me you don't wanna go down that road with me

I've not even watched this movie i don't like x-men movies but i can just imagine what is going on
I like the titles you give your scripts "Swing and a miss" that's good it makes your stories to not appear random Very creative too

Guykhena:
BUSTED

Erm,last time I checked his memory was transfered to his past body,in real sense his future Memories are in his past body(and not a combination of his past and future memories,just only his future memories),so I don't get the joke here


Erm I thought they're basically in a different cinematic universe,I mean Fox got Evans Quicksilver,and MCU got Aaron Quicksilver(basically they're both different) once again,I don't get the joke here

No mind op jare talk to me
Dem transfer e future memory to old body wetin come happen to old memory for old body?

Guykhena:

Lmao,
Pls let's not derail,,
Trust me you don't wanna go down that road with me

What is this one saying?

brothers:
No mind op jare talk to me
Dem transfer e future memory to old body wetin come happen to old memory for old body?

Subdued.
Like in that scene,when Magneto and Charles,wolve,beast, went to the plump dude office to stop Mystique from murdering him,you could see at one scene his past memory was fighting back trying to subdue the future memory when he saw the younger version of Stryker!
But thanks to Charles who prevented the crash of both memories.

Guykhena:

Subdued.
Like in that scene,when Magneto and Charles,wolve,beast, went to the plump dude office to stop Mystique from murdering him,you could see at one scene his past memory was fighting back trying to subdue the future memory when he saw the younger version of Stryker!
But thanks to Charles who prevented the crash of both memories.

i dey whine you ,you sef you chop anyway thanks for telling me what we all know but i prefer ops explanation

brothers:

i dey whine you ,you sef you chop anyway

I know na,but just decided to point it out there for a certain lady "I.Q"

brothers:

i dey whine you ,you sef you chop anyway thanks for telling me what we all know but i prefer ops explanation

hehehe

Guykhena:

I know na,but just decided to point it out there for a certain lady "I.Q"

so u made a fool of yourself to get back at someone?























Who does that?

brothers:

so u made a fool of yourself to get back at someone?























Who does that?

it's called inferiority complex its a common trait among "i must be noticed" kind of characters
*Smh* at childishness

brothers:

so u made a fool of yourself to get back at someone?























Who does that?

Haha,doing a rubuttal thing,,,
I got to hand it to you tho

33117:
"i must be noticed" kind of characters

Coming from someone who quoted me to blab something irrelevant? Wow that's funny

Guykhena:
BUSTED

Erm,last time I checked his memory was transfered to his past body,in real sense his future Memories are in his past body(and not a combination of his past and future memories,just only his future memories),so I don't get the joke here


Erm I thought they're basically in a different cinematic universe,I mean Fox got Evans Quicksilver,and MCU got Aaron Quicksilver(basically they're both different) once again,I don't get the joke here

@brothers IS IT TOO L8 TO DO MY OWN
WYNDING:
SUPREME WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE THAT "WE DON'T KNOW AT ALL" FROM THE MAN
WHO KNOWS IT ALL

Guykhena:

Coming from someone who quoted me to blab something irrelevant? Wow that's funny

oh you thought that was you? well i never made mention of your name but if the boot fits i have no reason to argue