*modified

Good U re back. Weldone for the update.
Eru moment go change.

*modified

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Present Ma.

whitemosquito: Larry sun, VanTee20,Olarewajub,divepen...final call..

hmnn......

Whitemosquito...when will you introduce us to agbeke's story..
We must know she must nwepu to tell

*modified

whitemosquito: err. Dnt get that..

I wanted to say...
We must know what she have to say...
Have you been here, ma.
https://www.nairaland.com/1893739/l.i.t.e-e-workshop-writers#26133417

I think You should eerr

Quit spelling in the American English. (traveled, rumors)

Refrain from using two different punctuation marks together (?!, ??, ...".); and allow your punctuations to remain in the quotation marks.

'It was inevitable that their eyes meet.' Shouldn't it be 'It was inevitable that their eyes met'?

Anyway, your narrative is intriguing. The plot is smooth.

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whitemosquito: The American english is my laptop. Autocorrect. I get the punctuations but I don't understand your issue with the present tense thing..

Perhaps it should rather be 'It was inevitable that their eyes should meet'...just change the wrong expression.

LarrySun: Perhaps it should rather be 'It was inevitable that there eyes should meet'...just change the wrong expression.

okay. Will do.

Loved it, it was very engaging and suspensful.

You have a way with description that i admire and even aspire to have, its not only in this story but the other one I followed as well. Keep it up.

Err, but my little criticism... The point where you paused to infuse the first person narrative in describing Moji's voice as Celine Dion doesn't quite sit well with me. You've been on the third person narrative style since, why just switch?

Me thinks It makes the narrative look trivial, not because of the extra description you gave to her voice- which was very apt in painting more pictures to the readers by the way- but the way it came out like a side talk instead of flowing naturally with the narrative technique.




My 2 cents.

princesa: Loved it, it was very engaging and suspensful.

You have a way with description that i admire and even aspire to have, its not only in this story but the other one I followed as well. Keep it up.

Err, but my little criticism... The point where you paused to infuse the first person narrative in describing Moji's voice as Celine Dion doesn't quite sit well with me. You've been on the third person narrative style since, why just switch?

Me thinks It makes the narrative look trivial, not because of the extra description you gave to her voice- which was very apt in painting more pictures to the readers by the way- but the way it came out like a side talk instead of flowing naturally with the narrative technique.




My 2 cents.

Exactly my point in my earlier posts. I thought maybe the writer decides to make it her own style, but it lacks consistency in the narration. I remember Redmosquito did the same in his Sango thread.

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*modified

New fan...Great story, great narration . But em, can the non-Yoruba speaking folks get a little help with translations? Mo bi sola, ife mi and the likes...

So, I had to take time out to sort this once and for all.. Because, I've noticed that a lot of Nl writers stick strictly to the first person dialogue, even when its obvious [to me, anyway] that their story would be better told in the third person.
And may also be why most readers find my writing style strange.
Why do you think you enjoy some stories more than others? Its way more than mere storyline;I've always maintained that there is no new story under the sun. It has EVERYTHING to do with how engaged the writer made you feel- which is a function of the NARRATIVE.
Hopefully, this should clear all doubts and misgivings:

There are many points of view for a writer to choose from, and each has different problems, responsibilities and effects. The available points of view are first, second and third person.
The First Person
First of all, you need to decide how this story is being told. Is the character writing it down? Telling it out loud? Thinking it to their self? And if they are writing it down, is it something meant to be read by the public? Or is it a private diary? A story meant for one other person? The way the first person narrator is relating the story will affect how you write it, the language you choose, the length of your sentences, your tone of voice and many other things. The reader should have at least some sense of this as well. The way they interpret a story could be very different if it is told as a secret diary or if it is a public statement.

Another aspect to think about is how much time has elapsed between when the character experienced the events of the story and when they decided to tell them. If only a few days have passed, the story could be related very differently than if the character was reflecting on events of the distant past. Also think about why the character is telling the story. What is their motivation? Are they just trying to clear up events for their own peace of mind? Make a confession about a wrong they did? The reason why a story is told will also affect how it is written, and you at least should know the answer, even if it never makes its way into the text. And not only Why? but Why now?

A first person narrative is often more effective when it is a first person narrator telling someone else's story (in other words, when the narrator is not the main character). This allows a certain distance between the narrator and the events which is impossible for the main character. On the other hand, the inability to see the bigger picture can sometimes be exploited to good effect.

First Person Protagonist: For this point of view, a character relates events that occurred to them; the "I" is the main character, telling her or his own story.
E.g
My stomach rumbled from the sour 'moimoi' I had at my CDS dinner early in the evening. It had seemed like a good idea at the time even though I suspected the meal had spent way too much time in the cooler or had been exposed to air without proper preservation. - culled from 'She came with Hope' by White Mosquito.

First Person Witness: The story of the main character is told by another character observing the events.
Her stomach rumbled from the sour 'moimoi' she had at her CDS dinner early in the evening. She had thought it a good idea at the time, even though she suspected that the meal.....

First Person Re-teller: The story is told, not by a witness to the events, but by someone who has heard the story from yet another person.

Her stomach rumbled; I don't know why; it probably was the sour 'moimoi' she had at her CDS dinner early in the evening. You know how sometimes you decide to risk eating something even when you should know better. She had thought it a good idea at the time, even though she suspected that the meal....


The Third Person
Characters are referred to as "he" and "she" in third person. In this case the narrator (who may be indistinguishable from the author) is not a character in the story. Depending on the type of third person point of view, the narrator may know -- and be able to tell about -- the thoughts and feelings of all characters, or only one character, or they may only be able to report what is seen or heard.
Sometimes a third person narrator requires the reader to accept the narrator's authority, which they may be hesitant to do. Just because a narrator sounds like they know it all, doesn't mean they do. This may be why the first person point of view has become more and more popular -- it can be harder to get the reader to identify with a nameless, third person teller. However, third person narration is very flexible and should not be discarded without thought. It is still the most common point of view, and for good reason.

When a writer is turning personal experiences into fiction, it is often easier to write in third person (even if they intend to put the final draft in first person). This is because the third person distances the reader (and the writer) from events. It is easier to write about personal things when you write as if they are happening to someone else. It is also easier to change events -- often necessary to turn reality into fiction -- when you aren't claiming that it was you who experienced them.

Third Person Omniscient: The narrator knows everything; all thoughts, feelings, and actions may be related to the reader (or they may be withheld).

Her stomach rumbled. She had sour 'moimoi' earlier in the evening at her CDS dinner. She had struggled within herself, she suspected that the meal had spent way too much time outside the cooler, exposed without proper preservation. She argued that she ought to eat it after all it was her money's worth. You know how it feels to cough up the compulsory fee for those blasted Corper events. But it looked good. Just eat it now and suffer later. You know you don't have food in the house. I don't care. Yes you do..

Third Person Objective: The narrator can only relate to the reader what is seen or heard. A good writer can tell a completely objective story in such a way that the reader is able to determine the feelings and sometimes even the thoughts of the characters through what those characters say and do, even though the thoughts and feelings are never described.

Her stomach rumbled throughout the night. She kn ew it was the sour 'moimoi' from her CDS dinner earlier that evening. So she swore. "Dammn it," she said. "I should never have discredited my better judgement." You see, she had suspected it was stale when she caught a whiff of the meal as it was served her. She was so sure it had spent a considerable amount of time outside the cooler without proper preservation..

Third Person Limited: The narrator is able to see into the mind of a single character. Sometimes the point of view may zoom in so close to that character that the narrator begins to use that character's manner of speech and thought, and sometimes the narrator may step back to take a more objective view. This point of view is sort of the "default" in fiction -- it is the most common because it can be used the most effectively in the majority of situations. If there is no reason not to use a third person limited point of view, then it is probably the best choice (but you will find it useful to experiment before choosing the point of view for any given story; third person limited may often work, but it isn't always the best point of view. Don't be afraid to use other points of view, just make sure you have a reason for your choice). In longer forms like novels, third person limited can be made even more effective by changing the character that the point of view is limited to. You must always be sure the reader knows when you have switched points of view and who you have changed to, however. If you are going to use shifting third person points of view, it is often best to change at a chapter or section break, at least until you are proficient enough at it that you won't lose your reader.

Her stomach was rumbling throughout the night. She glanced at her watch. It was already half past eleven. "Dammn that moimoi," she said, thinking of how hungry she had been at her CDS dinner earlier that evening. She had argued with herself for an hour about whether she should eat it. She had coughed up the entire fee charged each corper by the Cds, so she was determined to have her money's worth. Even though she suspected the meal had spent way too much time outside the cooler, without proper preservation..

Se-eth thou now? And doth thou understand?

From the illustrations, you see why I choose to write in the Third person. It's just so much more liberating..


Princesa and Larry, clap for ya selves o. You made me do this research instead of updating..and now Nepa has taken light, my wireless connection is interrupted; come 7:30, my brother will take his laptop with him to work and I shan't update with my phone because it's too cumbersome! and expensive!

@ Whitemosquito...
* On my knee.*

Can I please give you a slot @ the upcoming E-Workshop to post this.. On the Topic ***Type Of Narrator**

Divepen: @ Whitemosquito...
* On my knee.*

Can I please give you a slot @ the upcoming E-Workshop to post this.. On the Topic ***Type Of Narrator**

wtf..
Don't you already have your speakers/writers sorted out? Wouldn't this be messing up your plans?
Nah, don't worry. Maybe the next edition..
Mightily honored though. Muchas gracias.

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whitemosquito: wtf..
Don't you already have your speakers/writers sorted out? Wouldn't this be messing up your plans?
Nah, don't worry. Maybe the next edition..
Mightily honored though. Muchas gracias.

Plans can be rescheduled...
It is not going to mess up anything...
I have searched many thread for who to pick... You were not around then...
The day I read this story... I felt like slapping myself for not calling you initially, and I thought there was no way to change the plan but as God would have it, some of this people have not replied, making the space for some topic vacant

Divepen:

Plans can be rescheduled...

Yours, maybe. Mine, maybe not.

Divepen: You were not around then...

I seriously doubt the authenticity of that statement. lol. Been around for a while.

Divepen: The day I read this story... I felt like slapping myself for not calling you initially, and I thought there was no way to change the plan but as God would have it, some of this people have not replied, making the space for some topic vacant

Smh. You just had to mention God, innit? T'is aite. Pm me the details then..Rules,guidelines and what not...and a pic of you almost slapping yaself or idonbelieveit.

whitemosquito:
Yours, maybe. Mine, maybe not.

I seriously doubt the authenticity of that statement. lol. Been around for a while.

Smh. You just had to mention God, innit? T'is aite. Pm me the details then..Rules,guidelines and what not...and a pic of you almost slapping yaself or idonbelieveit.

I CANT SEND Pm again today thru Nairaland...I have sent one already, and they are telling me I've sent too many...
So can you pleaseeeee send a pm or give me your mail

It was an educative piece all the same atleast I know better now.

modified

whitemosquito: So, I had to take time out to sort this once and for all.. Because, I've noticed that a lot of Nl writers stick strictly to the first person dialogue, even when its obvious [to me, anyway] that their story would be better told in the third person.
And may also be why most readers find my writing style strange.
Why do you think you enjoy some stories more than others? Its way more than mere storyline;I've always maintained that there is no new story under the sun. It has EVERYTHING to do with how engaged the writer made you feel- which is a function of the NARRATIVE.
Hopefully, this should clear all doubts and misgivings:

There are many points of view for a writer to choose from, and each has different problems, responsibilities and effects. The available points of view are first, second and third person.
The First Person
First of all, you need to decide how this story is being told. Is the character writing it down? Telling it out loud? Thinking it to their self? And if they are writing it down, is it something meant to be read by the public? Or is it a private diary? A story meant for one other person? The way the first person narrator is relating the story will affect how you write it, the language you choose, the length of your sentences, your tone of voice and many other things. The reader should have at least some sense of this as well. The way they interpret a story could be very different if it is told as a secret diary or if it is a public statement.

Another aspect to think about is how much time has elapsed between when the character experienced the events of the story and when they decided to tell them. If only a few days have passed, the story could be related very differently than if the character was reflecting on events of the distant past. Also think about why the character is telling the story. What is their motivation? Are they just trying to clear up events for their own peace of mind? Make a confession about a wrong they did? The reason why a story is told will also affect how it is written, and you at least should know the answer, even if it never makes its way into the text. And not only Why? but Why now?

A first person narrative is often more effective when it is a first person narrator telling someone else's story (in other words, when the narrator is not the main character). This allows a certain distance between the narrator and the events which is impossible for the main character. On the other hand, the inability to see the bigger picture can sometimes be exploited to good effect.

First Person Protagonist: For this point of view, a character relates events that occurred to them; the "I" is the main character, telling her or his own story.
E.g
My stomach rumbled from the sour 'moimoi' I had at my CDS dinner early in the evening. It had seemed like a good idea at the time even though I suspected the meal had spent way too much time in the cooler or had been exposed to air without proper preservation. - culled from 'She came with Hope' by White Mosquito.

First Person Witness: The story of the main character is told by another character observing the events.
Her stomach rumbled from the sour 'moimoi' she had at her CDS dinner early in the evening. She had thought it a good idea at the time, even though she suspected that the meal.....

First Person Re-teller: The story is told, not by a witness to the events, but by someone who has heard the story from yet another person.

Her stomach rumbled; I don't know why; it probably was the sour 'moimoi' she had at her CDS dinner early in the evening. You know how sometimes you decide to risk eating something even when you should know better. She had thought it a good idea at the time, even though she suspected that the meal....


The Third Person
Characters are referred to as "he" and "she" in third person. In this case the narrator (who may be indistinguishable from the author) is not a character in the story. Depending on the type of third person point of view, the narrator may know -- and be able to tell about -- the thoughts and feelings of all characters, or only one character, or they may only be able to report what is seen or heard.
Sometimes a third person narrator requires the reader to accept the narrator's authority, which they may be hesitant to do. Just because a narrator sounds like they know it all, doesn't mean they do. This may be why the first person point of view has become more and more popular -- it can be harder to get the reader to identify with a nameless, third person teller. However, third person narration is very flexible and should not be discarded without thought. It is still the most common point of view, and for good reason.

When a writer is turning personal experiences into fiction, it is often easier to write in third person (even if they intend to put the final draft in first person). This is because the third person distances the reader (and the writer) from events. It is easier to write about personal things when you write as if they are happening to someone else. It is also easier to change events -- often necessary to turn reality into fiction -- when you aren't claiming that it was you who experienced them.

Third Person Omniscient: The narrator knows everything; all thoughts, feelings, and actions may be related to the reader (or they may be withheld).

Her stomach rumbled. She had sour 'moimoi' earlier in the evening at her CDS dinner. She had struggled within herself, she suspected that the meal had spent way too much time outside the cooler, exposed without proper preservation. She argued that she ought to eat it after all it was her money's worth. You know how it feels to cough up the compulsory fee for those blasted Corper events. But it looked good. Just eat it now and suffer later. You know you don't have food in the house. I don't care. Yes you do..

Third Person Objective: The narrator can only relate to the reader what is seen or heard. A good writer can tell a completely objective story in such a way that the reader is able to determine the feelings and sometimes even the thoughts of the characters through what those characters say and do, even though the thoughts and feelings are never described.

Her stomach rumbled throughout the night. She kn ew it was the sour 'moimoi' from her CDS dinner earlier that evening. So she swore. "Dammn it," she said. "I should never have discredited my better judgement." You see, she had suspected it was stale when she caught a whiff of the meal as it was served her. She was so sure it had spent a considerable amount of time outside the cooler without proper preservation..

Third Person Limited: The narrator is able to see into the mind of a single character. Sometimes the point of view may zoom in so close to that character that the narrator begins to use that character's manner of speech and thought, and sometimes the narrator may step back to take a more objective view. This point of view is sort of the "default" in fiction -- it is the most common because it can be used the most effectively in the majority of situations. If there is no reason not to use a third person limited point of view, then it is probably the best choice (but you will find it useful to experiment before choosing the point of view for any given story; third person limited may often work, but it isn't always the best point of view. Don't be afraid to use other points of view, just make sure you have a reason for your choice). In longer forms like novels, third person limited can be made even more effective by changing the character that the point of view is limited to. You must always be sure the reader knows when you have switched points of view and who you have changed to, however. If you are going to use shifting third person points of view, it is often best to change at a chapter or section break, at least until you are proficient enough at it that you won't lose your reader.

Her stomach was rumbling throughout the night. She glanced at her watch. It was already half past eleven. "Dammn that moimoi," she said, thinking of how hungry she had been at her CDS dinner earlier that evening. She had argued with herself for an hour about whether she should eat it. She had coughed up the entire fee charged each corper by the Cds, so she was determined to have her money's worth. Even though she suspected the meal had spent way too much time outside the cooler, without proper preservation..

Se-eth thou now? And doth thou understand?

From the illustrations, you see why I choose to write in the Third person. It's just so much more liberating..


Princesa and Larry, clap for ya selves o. You made me do this research instead of updating..and now Nepa has taken light, my wireless connection is interrupted; come 7:30, my brother will take his laptop with him to work and I shan't update with my phone because it's too cumbersome! and expensive!

Hmm! so educative... tanks 4 sharing

The third person point of view, whether omniscient or whatever, still implies that the narrator shouldn't connect directly with the readers by using that ubiquitous pismire of a word called 'I' in that regards.

However, not to derail the thread of the wonderful story you're writing, I'll keep my arguments till when you post on the 'workshop' thread. There's a question and answer session, Divepen, isn't there?

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LarrySun: The third person point of view, whether omniscient or whatever, still implies that the narrator shouldn't connect directly with the readers by using that ubiquitous pismire of a word called 'I' in that regards.

However, not to derail the thread of the wonderful story you're writing, I'll keep my arguments till when you post on the 'workshop' thread. There's a question and answer session, Divepen, isn't there?

Yes, there is..