₦airaland Forum

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First blood drawn.

Kevdee4reel: It is often said that when a man walks closer to the aisle, when he clocks the age of marriage, he realises that many things that he thought mattered never actually did. They say, most of the qualities such as her tribe, her culture and even her looks are all inconsequential. They also say, the most important features is her personality and the love shared. Abeeegi! Make I hear word jare. I beg to differ on all these very beautifully rhapsodized words.


I know that we are very sensitive when issues such as religion and tribe is raised but look around you. In your homes, your parents must have said:

''Nike, you dare not bring home omo Igbo(Igbo)''.

An Igbo parent must have said:

''bia Chinelo, who is this Tunde that is always calling your phone, don't bring a yoruba man to this house o''.

Look around you, your office, your friends, your neighbours, how many Igbos married a yoruba girl, very few. How many ended there relationship solely on tribal differences, many.


I realised 'my truth' to all these when I was less than eight years old. My truth I said.


I was in primary three, I was maybe seven and I was in love. Her name, Bisi. Her sharpener was my sharpener and my pencil was her pencil. We would hold hands, she would kiss me in the toilet and I would sketch potraits of her as she sat looking into my eyes. Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes the first time I watched the movie Titanic, but it wasn't because Jack died o, wetin konsine me with Jack. I had cried fourty seven minutes before you all did. You know the scene where Jack sketched a potrait of Rose? Yes, as I watched that scene from the movie, my tears flowed.


Well, I realised this truth was the day when our yoruba teacher came to the class and like always, read from the Alawiye textbook. As usual, I had no idea what she was saying, i'm Igbo. Normally, she would read, pause and look at the pupils, the Yoruba pupils paid attention and would repeat words after her, the non-yorubas who understood yoruba, listened; but the rest of us who had no understanding of 'wa' from 'lo', were either sketching a beard on the beardless images in the textbook, painting the letters on the 'OXFORD' boldly written on the front page of our exercise book or just doing something asides from looking at the Alawiye textbook. She observed all these, paused, then said suddenly, maybe out of anger

''no one should ever speak english or any language other than yoruba in my class''.

She said it again in yoruba, I was mute. I turned to Bisi to find solace in her and I would pretend to be participating but she turned to Kunle, another guy I knew she had a crush on. It felt like I never existed. I tapped her caramel skin and called her name ''Bisi'', she replied, ''fi mi le jare''.


It felt like all the moments we shared in the toilet; all the times we shared biros and all the love letters never mattered. I wished I could say ''Bisi, the toilet. That tuesday morning in the toilet. The toilet, Bisi'' but I was mute, I couldn't say it in yoruba, my small heart was broken.

There, as the Alawiye reading still went on, I made a decision. That day, I think about 120days to my 8th birthday, I realised and indelibly embalmed in my memory that, tribe will always affect love and I will never love a yoruba girl again, never.



So as I got older, it seemed like that indelibly print wore off. Another came along, Shade. Most people have a list of what their ideal partner should be like. Shade was everything on my list except that she wasn't Igbo. Bisi had tarnished the possibility of ever dating a yoruba girl, I was Yoruphobic, but I decided to throw away all my puerille ways and give in to maturity. We dated. The summary, it ended because I wasn't Yoruba. I had been ditched, twice, by two yoruba girls, Bisi and Shade, simply because I was Igbo.

Shade had said ''Olisa, Wale is yoruba and has all your qualities. He is a better option. Please let me go if you want the best for me, please understand''


I strongly object to the general school of thought with the opinion that corruption is our major problem. Inasmuch as it is a major problem, I think it stands as a runner-up to the catastrophic inferno ignited by tribe and religion. Thus, we must critically look at the effects of the ugly effect of tribe on our growth as a nation. Undoubtedly, it has disrupted our growth as a nation and that menace has negatively affected love, relationship and marriage. Its effect on relationships is succinctly put: an Igbo man will not marry a yoruba woman or else some very deep rooted factors are considered and vice versa.


We both seem to be major occupants and contributors of the thriving southern part of Nigeria but our differences will never allow us forge maximally.

It is always said in every Igbo home of how the yorubas sold us out during the Biafran era. We would say they are very dirty and go on to explain by saying that the same small broom used to wash toilet is what they also use to cook 'gbegiri' soup. We would say that their men would always cheat on their wives. We would say their women have no regard for marriage, marry her and she would leave you for another man in an owambe party. We believe that Awolowo had an intention to destroy the Igbo tribe, so we hate Awolowo. We believe their women will kill our sons with their 'ofe mmanu' soup and we believe that they are very fetish. It is an endless list.


The Yoruba say we like money and will use their child for ritual. The yorubas believe that asides from rituals, we also eat human meat and would eat their children. They say that because of our love for money, we place a very high bride price on our daughters, and they are sold out in marriage to the hightest bidder. They say that the Igbos are the cause of Nigeria's problem. The Igbos are often regarded as uneducated stupid businessmen that import fake drugs, awon Igbo(Igbo), awon werey, awon oloriburuku, awon olishi. The list, endless.


The truth is that, as much as we have cohabited to successfully grow the south and economically enrich Nigeria, we will never successfully marry without one or both parents discouraging such union. It is just the committment of the couple that bring the fashion battle of 'gele' and 'ichafu' to a hall for a wedding celebration. A wedding where the Igbos would curse their 'ofe mmanu' and the yorubas curse their 'small meat'. You can see from the faces of relatives, very squeezed countenace that tell you they don't support the union.


I learnt it all in primary three, about twenty years ago, yet nothing has changed. Inasmuch as I treasured the moments Bisi and I shared, the blissful moments shared with Shade, they simply showed me that if I am placed next to one of their tribe, Olisaemeka from Anambra State will never be considered. Also, if there is the option of an Azuka and a Bisola of similar character and quality is placed, we all know what my choice would be.


Tribal difference will always be an impediment to finding your soulmate, your spouse, your love. We would prefer to end up with one from our tribe; maybe it is a safer choice, not better, just safer.


Take it or leave it, that is the truth, the sad truth. Until a better Nigeria, until a better orientation by parents, until we seek divine intervention for a perfect direction; there is no doubt that Bisi was right


Follow olisa on twitter @olis123kel

DATS THE BITTER TRUTH. The Igbos are usually the ones who are extremely tribalistic.

Im PROUDLY YORUBA!...... Thumbs up to those of us who are not tribalistic.

KAYCEEJUNIOR: if you have them as collegues in the office maybe in marketing and sales department.....nna eh... your life is hanging at the barbwire

That's because u are in the south - west. My friend that served in the east had d same problem. So was her life hanging at the barbwire

Anyway I will marry an educated man. Except hausa........

I enjoyed reading this funny yet thought-provoking piece. Tribal differences will continue to create a nuisance amongst Nigerians and not just the Ibos and the Yorubas. No matter how enlightened/educated most families are, they'll still feel happier and more comfortable if you don't stray too far from home when choosing a partner. Its inbuilt, we may still do this to our own children as well...lol

I have been on the receiving end of tribalism a lot and I know how it feels but the OP missed it. He allowed himself be overcame by the ignorance of others.

The OP has allowed the hatred that these two girls (one very young and the other silly) to affect his own thinking which makes the OP fickle.

I have seen where the Family of an Anambra lady was vehemently against her relationship with an Abia guy, so it is not just about Igbo and Yoruba. It is about people having silly notions.

What can we do to kill these notions? No matter how hurt or heartbroken they make us, we must never become these tribalists. We should be better than them.

As Ebola is spreading to the states, tribalism has hit the Literature Section.

It's such a pity.

.

Kevdee4reel: It is often said that when a man walks closer to the aisle, when he clocks the age of marriage, he realises that many things that he thought mattered never actually did. They say, most of the qualities such as her tribe, her culture and even her looks are all inconsequential. They also say, the most important features is her personality and the love shared. Abeeegi! Make I hear word jare. I beg to differ on all these very beautifully rhapsodized words.


I know that we are very sensitive when issues such as religion and tribe is raised but look around you. In your homes, your parents must have said:

''Nike, you dare not bring home omo Igbo(Igbo)''.

An Igbo parent must have said:

''bia Chinelo, who is this Tunde that is always calling your phone, don't bring a yoruba man to this house o''.

Look around you, your office, your friends, your neighbours, how many Igbos married a yoruba girl, very few. How many ended there relationship solely on tribal differences, many.


I realised 'my truth' to all these when I was less than eight years old. My truth I said.


I was in primary three, I was maybe seven and I was in love. Her name, Bisi. Her sharpener was my sharpener and my pencil was her pencil. We would hold hands, she would kiss me in the toilet and I would sketch potraits of her as she sat looking into my eyes. Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes the first time I watched the movie Titanic, but it wasn't because Jack died o, wetin konsine me with Jack. I had cried fourty seven minutes before you all did. You know the scene where Jack sketched a potrait of Rose? Yes, as I watched that scene from the movie, my tears flowed.


Well, I realised this truth was the day when our yoruba teacher came to the class and like always, read from the Alawiye textbook. As usual, I had no idea what she was saying, i'm Igbo. Normally, she would read, pause and look at the pupils, the Yoruba pupils paid attention and would repeat words after her, the non-yorubas who understood yoruba, listened; but the rest of us who had no understanding of 'wa' from 'lo', were either sketching a beard on the beardless images in the textbook, painting the letters on the 'OXFORD' boldly written on the front page of our exercise book or just doing something asides from looking at the Alawiye textbook. She observed all these, paused, then said suddenly, maybe out of anger

''no one should ever speak english or any language other than yoruba in my class''.

She said it again in yoruba, I was mute. I turned to Bisi to find solace in her and I would pretend to be participating but she turned to Kunle, another guy I knew she had a crush on. It felt like I never existed. I tapped her caramel skin and called her name ''Bisi'', she replied, ''fi mi le jare''.


It felt like all the moments we shared in the toilet; all the times we shared biros and all the love letters never mattered. I wished I could say ''Bisi, the toilet. That tuesday morning in the toilet. The toilet, Bisi'' but I was mute, I couldn't say it in yoruba, my small heart was broken.

There, as the Alawiye reading still went on, I made a decision. That day, I think about 120days to my 8th birthday, I realised and indelibly embalmed in my memory that, tribe will always affect love and I will never love a yoruba girl again, never.



So as I got older, it seemed like that indelibly print wore off. Another came along, Shade. Most people have a list of what their ideal partner should be like. Shade was everything on my list except that she wasn't Igbo. Bisi had tarnished the possibility of ever dating a yoruba girl, I was Yoruphobic, but I decided to throw away all my puerille ways and give in to maturity. We dated. The summary, it ended because I wasn't Yoruba. I had been ditched, twice, by two yoruba girls, Bisi and Shade, simply because I was Igbo.

Shade had said ''Olisa, Wale is yoruba and has all your qualities. He is a better option. Please let me go if you want the best for me, please understand''


I strongly object to the general school of thought with the opinion that corruption is our major problem. Inasmuch as it is a major problem, I think it stands as a runner-up to the catastrophic inferno ignited by tribe and religion. Thus, we must critically look at the effects of the ugly effect of tribe on our growth as a nation. Undoubtedly, it has disrupted our growth as a nation and that menace has negatively affected love, relationship and marriage. Its effect on relationships is succinctly put: an Igbo man will not marry a yoruba woman or else some very deep rooted factors are considered and vice versa.


We both seem to be major occupants and contributors of the thriving southern part of Nigeria but our differences will never allow us forge maximally.

It is always said in every Igbo home of how the yorubas sold us out during the Biafran era. We would say they are very dirty and go on to explain by saying that the same small broom used to wash toilet is what they also use to cook 'gbegiri' soup. We would say that their men would always cheat on their wives. We would say their women have no regard for marriage, marry her and she would leave you for another man in an owambe party. We believe that Awolowo had an intention to destroy the Igbo tribe, so we hate Awolowo. We believe their women will kill our sons with their 'ofe mmanu' soup and we believe that they are very fetish. It is an endless list.


The Yoruba say we like money and will use their child for ritual. The yorubas believe that asides from rituals, we also eat human meat and would eat their children. They say that because of our love for money, we place a very high bride price on our daughters, and they are sold out in marriage to the hightest bidder. They say that the Igbos are the cause of Nigeria's problem. The Igbos are often regarded as uneducated stupid businessmen that import fake drugs, awon Igbo(Igbo), awon werey, awon oloriburuku, awon olishi. The list, endless.


The truth is that, as much as we have cohabited to successfully grow the south and economically enrich Nigeria, we will never successfully marry without one or both parents discouraging such union. It is just the committment of the couple that bring the fashion battle of 'gele' and 'ichafu' to a hall for a wedding celebration. A wedding where the Igbos would curse their 'ofe mmanu' and the yorubas curse their 'small meat'. You can see from the faces of relatives, very squeezed countenace that tell you they don't support the union.


I learnt it all in primary three, about twenty years ago, yet nothing has changed. Inasmuch as I treasured the moments Bisi and I shared, the blissful moments shared with Shade, they simply showed me that if I am placed next to one of their tribe, Olisaemeka from Anambra State will never be considered. Also, if there is the option of an Azuka and a Bisola of similar character and quality is placed, we all know what my choice would be.


Tribal difference will always be an impediment to finding your soulmate, your spouse, your love. We would prefer to end up with one from our tribe; maybe it is a safer choice, not better, just safer.


Take it or leave it, that is the truth, the sad truth. Until a better Nigeria, until a better orientation by parents, until we seek divine intervention for a perfect direction; there is no doubt that Bisi was right


Follow olisa on twitter @olis123kel

The line on "Alawiye" text book struck a cord with me...............I had a math teacher who taught us Math in Yoruba in SS1. All the "Omo Igbo" (Ndi Igbo) in the class, (yours truly inclusive) failed because we could not understand (a whole year of Math and Additional Math in Yoruba and with snide remarks of OMO Igbo all the time) . But for the intervention of a Youth Corper of the SAME Yoruba descent, we would have all repeated the class. She fought tooth and nail for us with the school authority who were not aware of the damage done by the man teacher and insisted (and succeeded , THANK GOD) we should re-sit the math exams. I and some others passed and went to SS2. Some of my Igbo and Itsekiri friends failed and lost 1 year all because of a foolish Yoruba man, but our salvation was from a smart aggressive (and I must say VERY BEAUTIFUL) Yoruba Youth Corper. So I learn then and now NEVER GENERALIZE, your salvation from God can come through anybody, from any angle. Don't sow hatred especially in our children, it is the poison, the cancer killing Nigeria and our development.

Growing up in Lagos, I can really relate how accurate this article is in so many ways. Yeah we had our Yoruba "Sisi" our "chick" (or "bobo" for the ladies).as well, but they were never really comfortable in making the relationship serious or long term. I tell you, orientation is a BIG part of the problem. We are so intermixed in this huge country, but we are not really living "together" We grew up as the Post War babies, so a lot of the poison and perceptions from the Civil war, was probably in the minds of our parents thus forming cruel and unreasonable opinions about their neighbours and their children. The culture, and so unfortunately for us in the South, has been to plant NEGATIVE and a lot of times UNTRUE perceptions and beliefs in the heads of our children. And it is not just a Yoruba - Igbo problem. We grew up thinking the Ogoja, Calabar and Akwa Ibom people were of certain behavior and ate certain food. The Ijaw were so and so, Urobho were this, the Benin were that, the Itsekiri were this and that and of course, the greatest barrier of hate was against the North and I am sure, they were schooled to have no love lost for us as well.

The teaching, orientation, dissemination of hatred, anger, perception that is the bedrock of tribalism were mostly formed by our parents, uncles, aunties and elder ones. You wonder WHAT REALLY DOES THE NATIONAL ORIENTATION AGENCY (NOA) do for Nigeria. They ought to identify this one fundamental flaw in citizen orientation and deal with it. If our future generations are taught to hate each other less, and embrace each other as brothers, perhaps all the broken hearts, broken friendships, broken heads, broken homes and (most painfully unfortunately) unnecessary death and destruction caused by the cancer of hatred that FESTERS in our neighbourhoods, streets , states and country against people who are not "ours" could have been avoided over the years.

Back to the thread. My best friends (even my best man at my wedding) are Yoruba, we grew up together and have shown their character time without number as have I. If we had not seen beyond the poison of tribalism, we would not by "Enyi" and "Ore" today. Don't get me wrong, I have had terrible experiences with some people of other tribes, heartbreak and pure betrayals, from Yoruba and Fulani "friends" who turned out to be enemies, but God taught me through experience to NEVER generalize. Every man and woman deserves a chance, be careful in your dealings, but do give them a chance. If we are truly made in the image of God, then there is "God" in every person you meet, something of value, don't pass them by.

And the most important lesson from this thread..................we are parents or hope to be parents someday...............WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN. Are you going to poison their minds like our parents did in the 70s, 80s, 90s etc.? Or is there a better way? Teach your children what is right. Teach them that ALL men are their brothers. I did not say throw caution to the wind, that is application of wisdom generally in life and relationships. But I reiterate, ALL men (and women) are your brother. Don't hate don't discriminate. Nigeria stands more to gain if we live together and our CHILDREN in particular do. We should encourage our cultures and peoples but not necessarily spawn hatred.A house divided against itself cannot stand.


Let us live together ...............for real.

Kevdee4reel: First, this is fiction not a reflection of my life in any way.

Secondly, this is not aimed at inciting tribal war of words but to all of us illuminating the pitfalls associated with tribe, religion, race and culture using the aforesaid tribes as illustrated standpoints and their effects on establishing a relationship. I'm from Anambra and very aware of the problems of bringing home someone from Abia or Imo or any other south-eastern state that isn't Anambra. I'm aware of the issues with marrying someone from Onitsha or Awka within Anambra. I'm aware of the problem catholics face if they choose to marry an anglican or a penticostal.


So, you can see that in my own milieu, Igbo, we have a problem. It is also existent in many other tribes. Kabba versus Ibira, Idoma versus Tiv, Urhobo versus itshekiri, all yorubas versus Ijebu et al.


Thus, using Yoruba and Igbos is to broaden the horizon, tell a story, incite humour and most importantly alter our perceptions. We have a problem. All of us. I hope things change. Jah bless

Beautiful Article Nwanem, I feel you.
Live together and teach our children to do so. STOP POISONING THEIR MINDS.

God Bless