If you’re secretly worried about your smartphone
addiction, then the new NoPhone might be just
the thing you need. It’s the perfect smartphone
placebo – it looks and feels exactly like a
smartphone, but it does nothing. It’s just a piece
of plastic that you can carry around in your hand
to fool yourself.
NoPhone is currently a prototype that will cost a
measly $12 once it hits the market. Its makers are
trying to raise $30,000 on Kickstarter in order to
cover production and marketing costs. They
describe the device as a ‘technology-free
alternative to constant hand-to-phone contact
that allows you to stay connected with the real
world’.
Dutch designer Ingmar Larsen, who helped create
the NoPhone, said that he conceived the idea as a
joke along with his friends Van Gould and Ben
Langveld. To their great surprise, the idea
received a lot of attention online and people from
all over the world started placing requests for
NoPhones of their own. So that’s when the three
friends decided to turn to Kickstarter to fund
mass production.
The NoPhone is 5.5 inches high, 2.6 inches wide
and 0.29 inches thick, bringing it quite close to the
latest smartphones on the market. The
Kickstarter campaign pitch is quite cheeky and
amusing to read – under features, they’ve
mentioned things like ‘battery free’, ‘no upgrades
necessary’, ‘shatterproof’ and ‘waterproof’. Their
FAQs address the most important question: “Is
this a joke?” To which their answer is, “No.”
“Phone addiction is real,” they insist. “And it’s
everywhere. It’s ruining your dates. It’s
distracting you at concerts. It’s disrupting you in
movie theaters. It’s clogging up sidewalks. Now,
there is a real solution.”
“With a thin, light and completely wireless
design, the NoPhone acts as a surrogate to any
smart mobile device, enabling you to always have
a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch
without forgoing any potential engagement with
your direct environment. Never again experience
the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when
closing your hand.”
And there are testimonials, too: “With the
NoPhone, my eye contact skills have improved
73%,” Whitney R insisted.
“Because of the NoPhone, I haven’t drunk texted
my ex-boyfriend in one whole week,” wrote Craig
G.
David H said: “I used to sleep with my phone in
my hand, but my night terrors would cause me to
hurl it across the room in an unconscious panic.
With the NoPhone, I can still enjoy the comfort of
holding a phone in my sleep, without waking up
to a shattered screen. Thanks, NoPhone.”
If you’re interested in NoPhone, but concerned
about not being able to take selfies anymore,
don’t fret. The makers do have an upgrade at no
extra charge - the mirror sticker. That way, they
say, you can enjoy ‘real-time’ selfies with your
friends when they’re standing right behind you.
Oh, and don’t forget to ‘add a verbal hashtag by
syncing your brain and vocal cords’!
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