Here are some stories making headline news in Nigerian newspapers this week.

1. “GEJ Is Our Man' - Witches, Wizards Endorse Goodluck Jonathan! If I were you, Atiku Abubakar, I won’t give up hope. I will lobby for the endorsement of the Ogboni fraternity.

2. N4,000 call-up fee for NYSC sparks anger. Thieves! Only in Nigeria do you pay a fee to go and serve your country. Soon, soldiers will pay to go and fight.

3. Our government officials don’t steal public funds; don’t use private jets or fly 1st class — Swiss Ambassador. Show off! Ours do small stealing and send it to your country so that your politicians won’t have to steal. Are you happy now?

4. FG serviced debt with N299.36bn in Q1–Report. Oh, yeah. We are there again. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala (aka Ngoo Baby) and her magic. In her former life she paid off our debts. Now, she borrows like hell.

5. IBB Hospitalized in a German Hospital: Now I know why these Germans refused to add a hospital to his Hilltop mansion. They want him to periodically bring bags of money to them. IBB, you're not going anywhere anytime soon. You've to be around to see what Nigeria will become because of/ in spite of you.

6. PDP cancels presidential primary. They finally got Gov. Lamido by the balls and Speaker Tambuwal by the chin.

7. National Honors: MR. LABARAN MAKU to become a Commander of Nigeria, otherwise called CON. Congratulations, CON man.

8. South African victims, families say they may sue Prophet T.B. Joshua. May? Are you kidding me? If they don't, that will be T.B. Joshua's first real miracle.

9. A Ghanaian Pastor brands T.B. Joshua’s building collapse ‘Human Sacrifice.’ As a doctor, I prefer a scientific term- culpable homicide.

10. Abubakar Shekau, the leader of the Boko Haram has been killed. I'm wondering what will happen to the shares he just bought in the Chinese online giant, Alibaba.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_8Q5e2XkIE?list=UUKnyVIW5QvfnsXddsjFKx4A

very hilarious and at the same time, very painful