ATOMIC BOMB (FART) It's 8.30a.m in the
morning and I was still sleeping, was
it due to the party I attended last night or the
ogogoro I
drank in mama Bukky's joint? I guess no cos
I am found
of sleeping. Deep inside my sleep I had a
heavy knock on my door,
it was mama's voice, "òle omo
alapamasise" (Lazy boy)
can't you look at the time you are still
sleeping? when
your mates are out there making money, my
mother
shouted from the door of my room. Her voice
woke me
up in anger and I had no choice than to get
up because she will not stop knocking until
she sees me outside. I finally got up and
went straight to the sitting room,
good morning ma! I uttered in a boned face,
my mum
just hissed and walked out of the sitting
room. Who cares? I quickly rushed to the
kitchen to serve my
hungry stomach but no food in the kitchen
except for
the remains of beans left over last night. I
had no choice than to eat it. Hmmmm! beans
again? you this boy, I said to myself.
Yes I don't like beans because I am not
always
comfortable anytime I eat beans, but what
else will I
eat? Nothing. After eating the little beans, I
was not yet satisfied...oh
God!!! Why this woman no cook? I asked
myself in anger. Then something quickly
came to my mind, Bola! yes
Bola my long time girlfriend. There is no day I
visit her that she won't feed me to my
satisfaction. So I made up my mind to visit
her, I quickly sent her "pls
call me" from my phone. Can't u call her? a
voice asked me. Call wetin? When I
don't have kobo in my pocket 'talkless' of
credit to flash
or call. Mtcheww!!! Silly MTN, when will they
start giving free
calls during the day? "awon oloshi" when will
dis
"mumu girl" saying (your account balance is
too low for
this call) die? so we can start making free
calls, abegii;
na dem sabi jare. After two minute, Bola
called me and I told her I will be
visiting her this morning and she told me she
is
expecting me. Early monday morning, you
dey go woman house, you
dis guy know dey shame, but wetin man pikin
go do as
I know get job nko? I have
graduated since two years back with a
second upper in
Accounting but all my effort to get a job is
fruitless... 'No
be Nigeria'?, If you don't have link with top
people in office you can't get a job, what a
Nation. After thinking about my jobless life for
a while, I quickly
rush to the bathroom to clean up and get
ready for
Bola's house. It's now 9.35a.m and I am
ready to go. Chai!!! I will have to trek down to
Bola's house again, na
wa ooooo. As I was walking down to Bola's
house, I started
feeling little pain in my stomach... Not again!
the bean
had started mixing with my intestine. I know
the result of my taking beans but I had no
choice. Finally I arrived her house and with
immediate effect
she served me 'moi moi' and pap(ogi). Huh...
beans
again, no prob. After eating, she asked me to
join her family in the
parlor to watch movie so I did. Her father,
mother, two sisters and two visitors were
all in the sitting room together with me and
Bola. This time around the beans I ate at
home and the moi
moi Bola gave me started mixing with full
speed in my
stomach. I knew where the result is going but
I locked up. After few minute Bola's dad
polluted loudly dat
everybody heard the sound and knew the
direction it
came from but we all pretended that we heard
nothing. Wow! this is an opportunity for me
to drop my atomic
bomb boiling and mixing in my stomach. I
dropped the first batch "fiiieeee fiiieee" (oh!
Oluwaseun na silent one). After few seconds,
the sitting room started smelling
dead rat and spoilt eggs. Even the air
fresheners that
were hanged around the sitting room couldn't
take the
smell, dey all fell from the wall to the floor. In
few seconds, another dropped from my
Bottom
"fuuuuuuuu" the smell started again, I noticed
that the
fishes in the aquarium had stop swimming
and the
paint in the sitting room started changing
colour. Bola: Daddyyyyy! Bola's dad: "Emi ko
oooo" (It's not me)... (staring at
Bola's Mum) that's when we noticed that
Bola's mum
had passed out! Ehnnn she was sitting next
to me but I didn't notice. Suddenly, the sound
of the falling fishes from the
aquarium woke her up, Yes! dis time around
the fishes
are all dead and the glass had broken in
pieces too. I quickly told Bola... "I am going"
and she nodded in
agreement. FIAMMM, see speed... Tomorrow
is another day!!! U can't imagine the havoc I
caused...Hmm