Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as f*ck, stinks like sh*t and should be forced to purchase two
seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the
man I sat next to under on my flight from
Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived
myself for paying the additional $25 for an
emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra
room, when I was suddenly distracted by what
appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi- aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-
lived when I realised that my seat was located
somewhere underneath him. Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous
fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories. Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn’t catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how shit they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe“. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.
I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to
themselves was now lying down. It was then I
realised that my fate was sealed. I made my
way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the
remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.
Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.
I’m also looking to be compensated for the
physical pain and mental suffering caused by
being enveloped in human blubber for four
hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to
type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.
No regards,
John Keeler
Source :lolery.com

damn. that is one very annoyed guy. this guy must have been the best in a class of descriptive essay. very funny
.

Can't belive I read all this stuff without

Understanding Sh**it

tolugar:
Can't belive I read all this stuff without

Understanding Sh**it

Really!!!
Do you also schooled in France?

kolykoldy:

Really!!!
Do you also schooled in France?

Hehehehe.....Bombay.....Now he has a female account created just today...

This guy should be selling millions in literature..I love his descriptions and use of words..

kolykoldy:

Really!!!
Do you also schooled in France?

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