good.. so who determines when there should be a compromise

EnlightenedSoul:


No, but I believe in compromise whenever they can't be. Sex alone breaks a stalemate? Nah.

pickabeau1:
good.. so who determines when there should be a compromise

The situation determines it. If we both feel strongly about something, we'd obviously need to come to a compromise. However, one should also learn when to give way to the other. You should try to make each other happy whenever possible, give and take. The last thing you need is a power struggle.

EnlightenedSoul:


The situation determines it. If we both feel strongly about something, we'd obviously need to come to a compromise. However, one should also learn when to give way to the other. You should try to make each other happy whenever possible, give and take. The last thing you need is a power struggle.

So the views are not so vastly different after all?

pickabeau1:


So the views are not so vastly different after all?

From what I gathered, there is neither compromise nor give and take in your model. It's all take? Correct me if I'm wrong...

EnlightenedSoul:


From what I gathered, there is neither compromise nor give and take in your model. It's all take? Correct me if I'm wrong...

why did u think that..i never said so

See my post below

pickabeau1:

you are the one reading nuances into what is not there
Like the poster above parismarc said...
Decisions are made jointly with the hubby but where a knotty one comes up and a decision HAS to be made, she defers to the man
a well structured courtship should ensure commonality & compatibility over 90 percent of issues
We are talking of a small bunch here
But note a woman may have the best solution to that issue, the man should trust his partner to make the best decision

pickabeau1:


why did u think that..i never said so

See my post below

Because you said:

pickabeau1:

you are the one reading nuances into what is not there
Like the poster above parismarc said...
Decisions are made jointly with the hubby but where a knotty one comes up and a decision HAS to be made, she defers to the man
a well structured courtship should ensure commonality & compatibility over 90 percent of issues
We are talking of a small bunch here
But note a woman may have the best solution to that issue, the man should trust his partner to make the best decision

Although I agree with the importance of compatibility/commonality, the bolded is him going solo every time a disagreement occurs. There is neither compromise, nor is there any give or take. What's the point of having an opinion? Your opinion matters only so long as you agree?

pickabeau1:
Babygirlfl

i asked this question on your thread and you recommended opening a thread
After the debate.. i will close the thread

What are your views on headship of a family

Thanks

what kinda question is this?
who else should head the home? the kids? the pet animals? of course, the man is the head of his home irrespective of his class, status, IQ or whatever. if the wife doesn't feel so then she shouldn't have married him in the first place.

EnlightenedSoul:


Because you said:

Although I agree with the importance of compatibility/commonality, the bolded is him going solo every time a disagreement occurs. There is neither compromise, nor is there any give or take. What's the point of having an opinion? Your opinion matters only so long as you agree?

I guess you missed this

We are talking of a small bunch here
But note a woman may have the best solution to that issue, the man should trust his partner to make the best decision

...she may be the best person to make the call then

coogar:

what kinda question is this?
who else should head the home? the kids? the pet animals? of course, the man is the head of his home irrespective of his class, status, IQ or whatever. if the wife doesn't feel so then she shouldn't have married him in the first place.

lol...

LOL...Coogar has come again

pickabeau1:


I guess you missed this

...she may be the best person to make the call then

I noticed it, but I also noticed the nuances in the two statements. And btw, I don't believe all decisions need to be made jointly.

EnlightenedSoul:


I noticed it, but I also noticed the nuances in those statements. And btw, I don't believe all decisions need be made jointly.

ok..

pickabeau1:


ok..

Do you believe every decision has to be made jointly?

EnlightenedSoul:


Do you believe every decision has to be made jointly?

i thought we thrashed this already

My earlier post

pickabeau1:

you are the one reading nuances into what is not there
Like the poster above parismarc said...
Decisions are made jointly with the hubby but where a knotty one comes up and a decision HAS to be made, she defers to the man
a well structured courtship should ensure commonality & compatibility over 90 percent of issues
We are talking of a small bunch here
But note a woman may have the best solution to that issue, the man should trust his partner to make the best decision

pickabeau1:




i thought we thrashed this already

My earlier post

Yes, but I'm asking you. Do you believe as husband, you have to discuss every little decision with your wife? Curious.

I think it depends on impact, but that's just me.

EnlightenedSoul:


Yes, but I'm asking you. Do you believe as husband, you have to discuss every little decision with your wife? Curious.

I think it depends on impact, but that's just me.

I agree with this
I said earlier...90 percent of decisions in my opinion need no discussion as values are expected to be compatible if courting is done right

pickabeau1:


I agree with this
I said earlier...90 percent of decisions in my opinion need no discussion as values are expected to be compatible if courting is done right

Fair enough. I think I would die if every little thing had to be 'discussed'. Although I would highlight and underline the importance of communication.

Yes... it is key

EnlightenedSoul:


Fair enough. Although I would note the importance of communication.

Kayworld26:
LOL...Coogar has come again

what's your opinion?
do you want to be the head in your house?

coogar:


what kinda question is this?
who else should head the home? the kids? the pet animals? of course, the man is the head of his home irrespective of his class, status, IQ or whatever. if the wife doesn't feel so then she shouldn't have married him in the first place.

simple as ABC

pickabeau1 why is Enlightenedsoul drilling you like this?

she will be like...'na me send you open thread?'

The drilling was major..lol

But shes not into the wars which happen here so i answered her

shizzleStar:
pickabeau1 why is Enlightenedsoul drilling you like this?

she will be like...'na me send you open thread?'

pickabeau1:
The drilling was major..lol

But shes not into the wars which happen here so i answered her

lol...you right...

i noticed too, she isnt like the annoyingly aggressive and 'toutish' type

yep....

shizzleStar:
lol...you right...

i noticed too, she isnt like the annoyingly aggressive type

shizzleStar:
pickabeau1 why is Enlightenedsoul drilling you like this?

she will be like...'na me send you open thread?'

Lol you've obviously never been drilled.

Lol at ladies who are avoiding the word headship but still implying it.
What's wrong with headship?It doesn't mean someone who makes all the decisions in a family or lords it over the other partner.A good head obviously allows others to make contributions and even take responsibilities.
There can't be a vacancy of a head in a home so someone is the head definitely.

I understand some women have decided to wear the shoes and keep their men under them.

So you noticed?

Lol

thorpido:
Lol at ladies who are avoiding the word headship but still implying it.
What's wrong with headship?It doesn't mean someone who makes all the decisions in a family or lords it over the other partner.A good head obviously allows others to make contributions and even take responsibilities.
There can't be a vacancy of a head in a home so someone is the head definitely.

I understand some women have decided to wear the shoes and keep their men under them.

Where is vicky

EnlightenedSoul:


Lol you've obviously never been drilled.

have been but not on this your level...'class drilling'

Hope you not planning to drill me?...lol

I'm the head, I lead she follows

shizzleStar:
have been but not on this your level...'class drilling'

Hope you not planning to drill me?...lol

I just wanted to see where he was coming from, and what the point of this whole 'headship' thing was to him.

EnlightenedSoul:


I just wanted to see where he was coming from, and what the point of this whole 'headship' thing was to him.

ok

thorpido:
Lol at ladies who are avoiding the word headship but still implying it.
What's wrong with headship?It doesn't mean someone who makes all the decisions in a family or lords it over the other partner.A good head obviously allows others to make contributions and even take responsibilities.
There can't be a vacancy of a head in a home so someone is the head definitely.

I understand some women have decided to wear the shoes and keep their men under them.

Same goes for a lot of argument in this section, both sides implying the same thing but calling it different names, yet this arguments can go on for ever and get really bloody. It amazes me


Maybe if these arguments starts with personal definition and objectivity from both sides, Family section would be devoid of senseless arguments and fightings.