narrator
director david finch meets with writer gillian flynn
david finch
Hello I wanna.........
gillian flynn
steal my book and convert it into another tasteless accidental billionaires adaptation just because you are too lazy and risk averse to come up with fresh ideas
david finch
wow! How did you know that?
gillian flynn
Are you kidding me? The last 14 years has been nothing but movies made out of books,comics and cult classics and what makes it even more disturbing is that they keep making these sh*tty movies when 80% of the time the adaptations suck so bad that they ruin the original
david finch
I assure this one is not gonna tank check it I got ben af fleck as the gerald butler "butterfly on a wheel" douche bag turn hero
Rosamund pike as the modern adaptation of sharon stone in "basic instinct"
Neil patrick harris as the dude that has "I'm gonna die" tattooed to his forehead
Kim dickens as the cliche "hot and intelligent but single with a cat" detective that will spazz on affleck's a*ss like she's on sh*t
Emily ratjakowski as ben's forgettable mistress and....................
tyler perry
and I will play............
david finch
what do you think this is, "madea gets framed for murder"? Why don't you go play with lipstick mr "jesus will put me in a mansion with boris kudjo for a husband even though I'm a super un-educated welfare queen" type of movie producer
tyler perry
Hey I know what you did last summer gimme a part or I'll tell
david finch
*rolling eyes* fine I will find you an irrelevant role I promise................so what do you think gillie?
gillian flynn
Still not convinced to sell over movie rights for destruction
david finch
G-R-E-E-D how is that for persuasion?
gillian flynn
now you are talking
narrator
ben affleck floats in his lazy mobile around the house and hates rosamund pike at the same time
ben affleck
Hi guys I'm married to a lady whose parents are writers unfortunately my wife and I simultaneously lost our jobs because of the eco-crunch now I'm a lazy and unreliable douche bag anyway, ugh! I hate rosamund pike I just hate her so much I can't stop hating her because I hate her did I mention that I hate my wife rosamund pike? That's just how much I hate her infact I'm going to "the bar"(seriously that's the name of the bar) to talk to my twin sister about how much I hate my wife
narrator
ben heads over to the bar to talk to his twin sister that looks nothing like him and looks twice his age
carrie coon
There's my sexy brother
ben affleck
O_o oooookkkkay! Anyway do you know why I hate my wife?
carrie coon
Because you lose your mammoth sized erection any time you are with her?
ben affleck
Er..............ahem where was I? Yes I hate rosamund pike I mean who f*cks pierce brosnan and then tries to kill him the next day? Who stays in a room with half n*ked tom cruise and tells him to put his clothes back on? And worst of all (holds back barf)who chooses rowan atkinson over dominic west? GAWD I HATE MY WIFE, anyway today is our fifth anniversary and I don't know what to do
carrie coon
you could hate f*ck her I mean with the size of ben jr you could do some damage
ben affleck
Da f*ck, you have a name for my penis? alright cut! Why is my twin sister talking dirty to me?
david finch
Why I'm trying to show the audience just how close y'all are
ben affleck
By talking about my penis?oops its 7:00am lunch time! Get it? becasue I'm a lazy f*ck
narrator
ben heards unto his house all douche bag like and finds that his wife is been kidnapped
audience
Ah! Sweet I bet he will transform from lazy bum into a liam neeson/hugh jackman kick a*ss missing person hunter and take down a bunch of bad guys jason bourne style
ben affleck
What? How now? I'm too lazy for that infact I'm too lazy to give a sh*t because I'm lazy get it?
kim dickens
Got it you totally murdered your wife
patrick fugit
Wow that was quick so let's book this one
kim dickens
No we can't arrest him yet cause we got no evidence
patrick fugit
Since when do the police give a f*ck about that? I say we keep him in a dark room pump his longs full of coffee and keep hounding him till he chooses to talk I mean that's how we roll right?
kim dickens
What? No
FBI
Hey psst if you want we could totally make some evidence "surface" you know what I'm saying? *wink wink*
kim dickens
No I'm going to up hold the law legally which means I will just keep making appointments with mr affleck and saying "you did it, you did it" till he confesses.
To be continued....

OP you get tym o

joyandjoi:
OP you get tym o

how dare you mock me for being unemployed?
its not my fault

No I am not mocking you I was just amazed about how much effort you put into your screenplay didn't mean to hit a nerve

joyandjoi:
No I am not mocking you I was just amazed about how much effort you put into your screenplay didn't mean to hit a nerve

ehn I'm just f*cking with you, I'm not offended besides its my fault

I got caught on camera napping on duty it was so embarrassing

narrator
we stumble upon rosamund pike's diary because she is totally 13 years old and keeps a diary
rosamund pike
Dear diary I met this guy with a really bizzare forehead and an enormous chin, we do things like "moneypenny james bond" witty banter, we lock lips a lot and he comes down on me like a freaking pervert we are the perfect couple
narrator
Then we see a flashback of when ben affleck proposed to her during some weird celebration about a book character because madness is a family thing
ben affleck
(Stares at rosamund pike)
ugh! Look at you how many years back and you look exactly the same and why do you sound british when your parents are totally americans?
rosamund pike
No its okay this is the past you were crazy about me back then
ben affleck
in that case(gets down on one knee)
Hey babe I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your t*ts and I love your d*ck sack
I aint lying sweety it's a top notch standard issue world class d*ck snatch you got down there hey parents do you know just how wonderful your daughters boner garage is?
rosamund pike
wow! Did you just totally talk dirty while proposing to me in front of my folks and a bunch of strangers
ben affleck
Why didn't you get the memo? R-rated jokes are the sh*t right now in hollywood even cartoons like spongebob square pants and family sitcoms like modern family have started telling double etendre and some times just flat out dirty jokes
rosamund pike
Well I accept and for the record your di........
party guests
enough already can't you see people are trying to eat here?
narrator
back to reality ben is at a police station being grilled by kim dickens
kim dickens
So you killed your wife
ben affleck
I didn't kill her
kim dickens
When did you kill her?
ben affleck
I didn't kill her
kim dickens
How did you kill her?
ben affleck
I-DID-NOT-KILL-MY-WIFE
kim dickens
So where did you hide her body
ben affleck
For the love of God I can't kill my wife I'm a lazy a*sshole hello?
kim dickens
Well lucky for you we have no body so we can't charge you with murder so we shall exfoliatingly scrub the f*ck out of your house so now f*ck off
narrator
ben heads unto his sister carrie coon's house
ben affleck
Hey carrie can I crash in your house till the investigation is over?
carrie coon
Yea right so you can murder me in my sleep?
ben affleck
Carrie you have got to believe me I didn't kill my wife even though I hate her so f*cking much, I have a girlfriend and I cashed a large insurance policy check over my wife's head head, I did not kill her
carrie coon
Okay I believe ya because I am some kind of charles xavier mutant who can read your mind and tell that you are sincere so come on in bro meet me in the jaccuzzi in two minutes just kidding
ben affleck
*rolls eyes*
narrator
later ben and his sis are watching this talk show where this joan rivers wannabe is chopping afflecks butt for killing his wife
ben affleck
What?! So islamist militants are chopping off peoples heads in the middle east and I'm the one making the news? C'mon just how popular is this girl her parents write obnoxious books that popular for no reason *smh*
narrator
emily ratajowski shows up to the house
emily ratajowski
knock knock
ben affleck
Woah! I have a daughter in college? Come in honey I know you are worried but mommy is gonna be alright
emily ratajowski
er..........I'm actually your girlfriend?
ben affleck
yea right who do you think I'm R.kelly? I'm almost twice your age young lady
david finch
Just go with it dakota fanning and chloe grace moretz Weren't available
ben affleck
Oh jeez! Er.............. hey sweety how are you doing?
emily ratajowski
I got a B on my human kinetics report let's f*ck to celebrate
ben affleck
Gosh! I wish I could but people hate me because they think I killed my wife and I have to not make mistakes that can hold against me in court(2seconds later) man f*ck that come here you anoxeric chick with b*ob implants
emily ratajowski
and where else to have sex than in your sisters house on her God damn couch while she's home
narrator
they f*ck then they totally pass out on the couch because ben was too lazy to give a sh*t about subtlety and public image, meanwhile back at rosamunds diary we go into another flashback
To be continued.........

Lmao!!!

Thumbs up to the OP. I have seen the movie (which I really enjoyed), but the OP captures the 'essence' of the movie in a hilarious, silly manner.

sholay2011:
Lmao!!!

Thumbs up to the OP. I have seen the movie (which I really enjoyed), but the OP captures the 'essence' of the movie in a hilarious, silly manner.

@bolded thank you it was a really good movie this is a movie probably on its way to win an oscar and the hopeless op is here putting up silly posts about it and trying to be funny see if you don't understand the movie its better you keep quiet than jumping out and spreading your ignorance

rosamund pike
Now we are newly weds and we have made a pledge to love each other forever and ever and ever and ever so first things is first let's lose our jobs then give my parents my trust fund to manage like we are f*cking teenagers and let's keep pumping money into a bar that doesn't bring home jack
ben affleck
what? That's a terrible idea it's usually the setpiece for like a ton of nollywood "marriage gone wrong" movies why don't you watch a couple of them and see how this ends.
rosamund pike
aw common honey what's the worst that can happen?
narrator
first they go super-broke then they move out of Posh new york to down town missouri and like that's not bad enough ,the missouri funk begins to rub off on ben affleck next we see a montage of the couple "ARGUING WHILE MAKING HAND GESTURES" because according to hollywood that's the symbol of a bad marriage.
Back to reality ben's a*ss is hauled back into the precinct for a fresh round of interrogations
kim dickens
You killed her didn't you?
ben affleck
No I'm too lazy for that
kim dickens
You killed her didn't you?
ben affleck
No I'm too lazy for that
kim dickens
Did you know she was pregnant?
ben affleck
No I'm too lazy for tha......what?
kim dickens
haha I just made you admit that you are impotent
ben affleck
mature
kim dickens
Anyway about the baby
ben affleck
phew! Thank God I dodged that bullet can you imagine crazy rosamund pike raise a baby*clears throat* I mean I totally didn't know about the baby honest, shoot! Now I think I just outted myself as a douche husband
kim dickens
U think?
ben affleck
Alright that does it since you guys totally suck at doing your jobs I'm gonna go "detective" on my own
narrator
ben affleck goes "scooby doo" and starts picking up on the clues left behind by rosamund pike which end up at his sister carrie coon's wood shed where he finds giant blimp with the words "ben affleck totally murdered my a*ss"
ben affleck
what da f*ck carrie you murdered my wife and totally got me to take the fall for it?
carrie coon
What? What are you talking about?
ben affleck
I found the clues in your wood shed who hid it there?
carrie coon
Er I don't know but it wasn't me
ben affleck
Yea right like you never visit your own wood shed
carrie coon
Well according to the mysoginist movie director,ladies do not visit their wood sheds besides maybe rosamund isn't dead maybe she's the one setting you up
rosamund's former boyfriend
Rosamund set you up? yea you are totally f*cked she made people think I r*ped her back when we were dating and till now even I can't even go to freaking mars without the FBI warning everyone that I'm a sex offender I'm telling you this chick is crazy
narrator
next we see a montage of how rosamund ran away from home and framed her husband for a crime that didn't happen
rosamund pike
Hi guys I'm totally alive and I framed my husband for murder so he will get executed that's what you get when you cheat on me I also painstakingly wrote this huge a*ss diary that totally didn't mean sh*t just to spice things up, now I plan on spending the rest of my free life living in the shadows and stashing wads of cash in my money belt like f*cking john the baptist
narrator
some random chick strolls into rosamunds house and steals all her money from the money belt "surprise surprise"
rosamund pike
now that's just great time for plan B I will look up neil patrick harris? Wonder who that guy is?
narrator
She meets neil at a casino
neil patrick harris
Hey there sweet thang (tries to kiss her)
rosamund pike
WTF? Did you just try to kiss me? Aren't you like one of my gay friends I keep around?
neil patrick harris
No actually I'm another old boyfriend and not just that I was totally obssessed with you
rosamund pike
Do you know how offensive that is? Do I look like a f*cking dude to you is that what this is about?
neil patrick harris
Well you kinda have the deepest female voice known to man and you look like sean bean from national treasure so I guess its fair to be attracted to you.
rosamund pike
*evil smiles* ok so..............ben affleck was a lousy husband so I fled for my life (because divorces are over rated)can I stay with you
To be continued.......

neil patrick harris
I don't think this is a good idea I mean you are all over the news plus you planted evidence to frame your husband if you get caught, they will take me down with you
rosamund pike
aw I thought you loved me
neil patrick harris
Of course I still love you its just been about 20 years since I last saw you because love doesn't have an off switch you know what? I shall be happy to hide you at my lake house and it's totally safe because there are cameras everywhere
rosamund pike
What id*ot places cctv cameras around his lake house
david finch
That's just my misguided way of communicating with the audience that neil patrick harris character is pretty rich in this movie
audience
smooth
narrator
they go over to neil's house just in time to watch america's new favourite show which is "CHOP THOSE BALLS" hosted by ben affleck

ben affleck
Hey rosamund I totally love you I know I haven't been a good husband I've been a total jerk but now I'm sorry and I want you to come back home
emilly ratjakowski
I'm ben's side chick I'm sorry
tyler perry
Hi guys!
audience
And who are you supposed to be?
tyler perry
I'm ben affleck's lawyer
audience
A man killed his wife and stashed her body and you are f*cking defending him? How do you sleep at night?
Tyler perry
No actually I'm a special type of lawyer who defends husbands that kill their wives only
audience
Yea there should be a large market for such lawyers because husbands kill their wives every day
tyler perry
its every husbands dream to murder his wife and get away with it. its my job to tell those husbands how to kill their wives legally
rosamund pike
aw how sweet ben affleck totally gave a sweet speech on tv even though it totally makes me look like a crazy a*ss b*tch that ran away from home or it could have been totally cooked up by his fancy lawyer............it doesn't matter *singing* cause baby tonight the tv has got us falling in love again..........ok so how do I "prodigal son" my a*ss back home now? Well its a good thing I'm currently in a house with a dude who I gave a restraint order ages ago now how do I piece this together What to do what to do
ben affleck
wow! I can't believe it I'm no longer the most hated man in america the audience totally ate that sh*t up
narrator
next rosamund jams a wine bottle up her crotch like a f*cking p*rnstar then she goes ahead to seduce neil
rosamund pike
*in sexy voice* hey neil you wanna "pull up to my bumper baby"?
neil patrick
Yea knowing you actually schemed your husbands a*ss into prison and noticing how "sudden" your advances towards me are plus I'm doogie motherf*cking hauser, I will say this is totally a trap but on the other hand, sex!
narrator
next we see them having sex and we know they are having sex because they are totally making faces to show that they are having sex
neil patrick harris
Oh I'm cumming baby
rosamund pike
Dude it hasn't even been up to a minute you totally suck (picks up a wine opener)
narrator
as soon as neil cumms rosamunds slits his f*cking throat
neil patrick harris
wow this is just like basic instincts where sharon stabs dudes during orgasm the only difference is that we are upside down and she uses an ice pick............ok and a 1 and a 2 and a 3(begins over the top acting) oooooooooooooooooouch!I just totally took a wine opener to the throat blood spraying everywhere, the room is spinning erk!(Dies)
rosamund pike
Sorry neil but I need to act like I was abducted by you and kept here against my will and I just escaped today plus its my sweet revenge for calling me sean bean................ yes! That bullsh*t. Story certainly holds water
narrator
next we see rosamund pike in a hospital blatantly lying to some cops about being abducted by obsessed neil and they totally eat it up because cops are st*pid in hollywood
kim dickens
Hmmm! So I'm supposed to believe all that you said happened at the lake house?
rosamund pike
Yep
kim dickens
Okay then I believe ya case closed we won't even examine the CCTV cameras that actually prove that you weren't held there against your will, see ya
narrator
ben and rosamund go home and play the most boring exposition scene in movie history[\b]
[b[ben affleck
So let me get this straight you were kidnapped all these while by a boyfriend you dated donkey years ago who didn't even know we were in missouri then you broke out of captivity moments after I made that speech on tv?
rosamund pike
Well this isn't the place to discuss this let's talk about it in the shower
ben affleck
Um okay
narrator
they get butt n*ked and jump in the shower
rosamund pike
Yea I totally set your a*ss up so that you could get the chair and when I started missing you I set neil a*ss up to clear your name I shoved a wine bottle up my p*ssy to look like neil r*ped me on several ocassions
ben affleck
ugh sick!
neil patrick harris in heaven with a golden harp and a halo
Aw so you think my d*ck is as big as a wine bottle? I'm flattered
rosamund pike
you see? The bored house wife was having fun did you really mean what you said on tv?
ben affleck
F*ck no I totally read that sh*t out of a mills and boons novel and knowing you as a crazy pants c*nt I'm totally gonna leave your a*ss
rosamund pike
Hey I saved your life you can't leave me
ben affleck
I'm totally gonna tell kim dickens, tyler perry and carrie coon what you did
tyler perry
Woah! I would like to help but I gotta shoot my latest movie "madea goes to school" take care of your self
kim dickens
Ugh! That's terrible unfortunately I don't really give a sh*t anymore so bye affleck try not to get on your wife's bad side okay?
carrie coon
she did what?!*over the top acting mode activated* I shall roll all over the ground and cry but that ain't gonna do sh*t sorry ben
ben affleck
Hey b*tch I want a div..........
rosamund pike
Ben I'm pregnant
ben affleck
The f*ck how did that happen?
rosamund pike
I performed an insermination with your sperm sample you stored away in a sperm bank for no reason
ben affleck
you crazy b*tch I'm gonna f*cking kill you
rosamund pike
I did it because I love you
ben affleck
I'm not talking to you I'm talking david a*sshole finch you told me this movie would lube my entry into the bat man franchise you told me this movie would make me look cool how does being lazy,hitting on twenty year olds and storing my sperm in a f*cking bank like I just took out my prostrate make me look cool and you b*tch(turns to rosamund) are we gonna be getting diapers for free and feeding the baby with wood from the forest *news alert* we are both unemployed how the hell do we take care of a baby(2seconds later) oh my God you are pregnant I'm totally not going to leave you now I have to protect the baby from your crazy a*ss I won't want a situation where you frame the child for your murder just because she brought home a bad report card
rosamund pike
Wow so I schemed and plotted and killed and violated myself when all I had to do was just get pregnant to get you to take your marriage seriously? What a waste of time
neil patrick harris in heaven with a harp and a halo
You mean I got my throat slit for nothing? man this movie sucks(throws his halo and walks away)
End

severee: narrator
as soon as neil cumms rosamunds slits his
f*cking throat
neil patrick harris
wow this is just like basic instincts where
sharon stabs dudes during heavenly feeling
the only difference is that we are upside
down and she uses an ice pick............ok and a
1 and a 2 and a 3(begins over the top acting)
oooooooooooooooooouch!I just totally took a
wine opener to the throat blood spraying
everywhere, the room is spinning erk!(Dies)

ROTFL nice one

thenairama:

ROTFL nice one

What would be really 9ice is if he directs his "funny" write up to more deserving industries like those amateurs that call themselves nollywood

mrmagoo:


What would be really 9ice is if he directs his "funny" write up to more deserving industries like those amateurs that call themselves nollywood

Its nice because it was a bit disappointing I'm glad someone else knows that and its funny let's just admit it

thenairama:


Its nice because it was a bit disappointing I'm glad someone else knows that and its funny let's just admit it

But it is not funny, the jokes do not stick and it is obvious that he does not understand the movie and hence resorts to spreading his ignorance all over the forum in a bid to be "funny" abeg stop encouraging him

mrmagoo:

But it is not funny, the jokes do not stick and it is obvious that he does not understand the movie and hence resorts to spreading his ignorance all over the forum in a bid to be "funny" abeg stop encouraging him

Pele o mr informed,
its alright to like a crappy movie na. There are like a thousand crappy movies that I've come to really like and these movies are so bad, they don't even have stories but I them it all the same. Take heart

severee:


Pele o mr informed,
its alright to like a crappy movie na. There are like a thousand crappy movies that I've come to really like and these movies are so bad, they don't even have stories but I them it all the same. Take heart

I know your type"because you no get money buy beer you go talk say e too bitter" the movie gone girl is deeper than your shallow write up makes it up to be. Once again, you don't understand the movie why don't you go and watch nollywood's crap that you IQ can carry

THIS IS THE FIRST TYM I AM HEARING ABOUT THIS FILM. IT APPEARS TO BE WELL RATED AND MADE QUITE A LOT OF MONEY, I DEY GO IROKO TO DOWNLOAD

leverage:
THIS IS THE FIRST TYM I AM HEARING ABOUT THIS FILM. IT APPEARS TO BE WELL RATED AND MADE QUITE A LOT OF MONEY, I DEY GO IROKO TO DOWNLOAD

I downloaded mine from torrent

mrmagoo:

I know your type"because you no get money buy beer you go talk say e too bitter" the movie gone girl is deeper than your shallow write up makes it up to be. Once again, you don't understand the movie why don't you go and watch nollywood's crap that you IQ can carry

you know apart from the market and quality in production, hollywood and nollywood are actually the same so why the unnecessary bashing?

severee:


you know apart from the market and quality in production, hollywood and nollywood are actually the same so why the unnecessary bashing?

Bullshit of the century do you know how much hollywood movies make?
They are advancing into 3D and HDMI while nollywood is still shooting movies with their camera phones abeg there's no basis for comparison guy go wash your face its obvious you are still dreaming

mrmagoo:


Bullshit of the century do you know how much hollywood movies make?
They are advancing into 3D and HDMI while nollywood is still shooting movies with their camera phones abeg there's no basis for comparison guy go wash your face its obvious you are still dreaming

That's what I just said. Nevertheless, both industries suffer from
-bad/ recycled stories
-cliched plots
-bad casting directing
And some times even bad acting
Do you agree or do you need one of severee's famous epistles that drives people crazy?

severee:


That's what I just said. Nevertheless, both industries suffer from
-bad/ recycled stories
-cliched plots
-bad casting directing
And some times even bad acting
Do you agree or do you need one of severee's famous epistles that drives people crazy?

lol severee, I just love ur original post. im not a fan of ben affleck, but after ur write up, i ve decided to watch d movie. hoped I can get past my dislike for ben.
gosh I just remembered Tyler Perry is in too! watching dis movie is going to be hard o! becos I took an oath a while back never to watch that self righteous pr*ck ever. I think i'll take a pass on dis movie.don't think I can survive ben n tyler at d same time

aceTS:

lol severee, I just love ur original post. im not a fan of ben affleck, but after ur write up, i ve decided to watch d movie. hoped I can get past my dislike for ben.
gosh I just remembered Tyler Perry is in too! watching dis movie is going to be hard o! becos I took an oath a while back never to watch that self righteous pr*ck ever. I think i'll take a pass on dis movie.don't think I can survive ben n tyler at d same time

good choice! its just another "girl with the dragon tattoo" kind of movie

severee:

good choice! its just another "girl with the dragon tattoo" kind of movie

"girl with the dragon tattoo" without Rooney Mara? must definitely suck.lol

2014 was a year for mostly poor movies. 2015 isn't better unfortunately

mrmagoo:


@bolded thank you it was a really good movie this is a movie probably on its way to win an oscar and the hopeless op is here putting up silly posts about it and trying to be funny see if you don't understand the movie its better you keep quiet than jumping out and spreading your ignorance

I enjoyed the film-one of my best in year 2014.

The truth about gone girl is this; the attention given to the couple was just too much. I was wondering if the family related to the president of the country.

Raalsalghul:
I enjoyed the film-one of my[b]best in year 2014[/b]

First time i dey hear that one, the movie was really dull and boring and ridiculous