Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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The Witness / June/July WAEC Examination Questions / Cross Examination (2) (3) (4)
| Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by NegroNtns(m): 1:47pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
This caption has been around for a while but it's still very potent and funny. Thought I'd recycle it again. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh, ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by oYaTo(m): 1:55pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Dude this is damn hilarious!  I just dey laff like mad man. .  |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Nautillus(m): 5:55pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
lol . .For real . ? ? ? are lawyers this dumb ? ? ? |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by mykali(m): 6:24pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Negro_Ntns: lmhao. lawyers are the bomb mehn. . . . |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Nobody: 6:33pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Hahahahaha Good one. |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by krama(m): 7:54pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Seen it before, but still great nonetheless |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sima(f): 6:48am On Nov 25, 2008 |
yea. . reli  |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Opslag(m): 6:59am On Nov 25, 2008 |
Dnt tink so. |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sima(f): 7:00am On Nov 25, 2008 |
u're sure? |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Opslag(m): 7:17am On Nov 25, 2008 |
Uhm!Kinda |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sima(f): 7:21am On Nov 25, 2008 |
ehmm. . i cc |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Gabry(f): 7:51am On Nov 25, 2008 |
U see wtin? |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sima(f): 8:01am On Nov 25, 2008 |
i cc ur green yansh  |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by romsky: 8:13am On Nov 25, 2008 |
not funny ow dare u insult my profession  |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Opslag(m): 8:29am On Nov 25, 2008 |
What profession? |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by naijababe2(f): 8:48am On Nov 25, 2008 |
;d |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by naijababe2(f): 8:50am On Nov 25, 2008 |
his liar-er profession |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by Gabry(f): 8:53am On Nov 25, 2008 |
correct! |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sima(f): 11:00pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
wrong |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by naijababe2(f): 9:35pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
correct |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sholabanke(m): 9:37pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
how did u know? |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by naijababe2(f): 9:45pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
That?  |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sholabanke(m): 9:46pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
that it correct |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by bydot1(m): 10:54pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by skipo87(m): 11:24pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
by.dot: |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sholabanke(m): 12:04am On Nov 28, 2008 |
dont ever say that again |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by bydot1(m): 12:23am On Nov 28, 2008 |
i guess u not talking to me, right? |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sholabanke(m): 12:32am On Nov 28, 2008 |
what of if am talking to u |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by bydot1(m): 12:34am On Nov 28, 2008 |
Ah, u go fear na |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sholabanke(m): 12:43am On Nov 28, 2008 |
how do u mean? please dont start wit me |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by bydot1(m): 12:46am On Nov 28, 2008 |
better! |
| Re: Cross Examination On The Witness Stand. . . by sholabanke(m): 12:47am On Nov 28, 2008 |
u kno dey sleep? |
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