Hello peeps,I think of nt saying what I'm feeling here,bt truly,I need to voice out,cos my eyes is seeing many things dats vry bad

H

You are getting all those insults because they're feeding you and your baby, you're still dependent on them... Try and find something doing no matter how small, so you can atleast start fending for yourself and your baby, gradually you can then find a house and move out. ..
what about the father of your baby?


Really don't know why a mother can't stand by her daughter during hard/trying times, too bad....as for your siblings,

it's well sis, just try and do things that make you happy... just know your happiness isn't tied to anybody, this is only but a stage, you will still tell the story. ...

Goodluck

what about your dad, can't you move in with him?

I

imo
I think you shouldn't take decisions under the control of your emotions.
have some patience, relax and strategically plan and build your status (especially financially), then you can comfortably move out of their house but main while try to avoid quarrels with any of your relations living in that house, so you wouldn't get more emotionally broken down.

[q

MojAyo:
Pls peeps,I feel vry bad about my situation,I feel I'm d only one in dis kind of situation,bt its nt like dat,many woman go through dis ,bt I think mine is getting too much,since I came back frm SA,I ve been an object of ridicule to my mum and siblings,mum talked vry bad about me and ridicule me dat I ve a baby for n irresponsible person,dat she is d one taking care of both me and d baby my siblings also ridicule me,say all sorts of bad things to me,which my mum will give them d go on, I'm so tired of staying with them,dat I feel like moving out of their house,I'm in tears as I'm writing dis,I prayed my life should nt be complicated,before I went to SA,my parents were staying together bt when I went to SA,they got separated,which my dad said he can't tolerate my mums attitude,which I can see for myself its nt vry good,I'm just living with them becos I dnt ve anywhere to go

@bolded; but it is true na. You had a child for an irresponsible man (I remember your story). No mother or sibling will be proud of that, so don't blame them. You got yourself into this mess, so you should take responsibility for your actions. Coupled with the fact that they are still fending for you and the baby.

My only advice will be for you to get something doing. No matter how small. This is not the time for pity party it blame gane. This is the time to plan your life and your child's. Start being independent. Save enough to rent an apartment and work hard for you and your child. This is not a guarantee that the ridicule and insults will stop. It's just to give you some sense of self worth and dignity.

Good luck.

K

you feel like looking for a man that will take care of your needs?
I don't think that line of thought is healthy at all.
the man may be more abusive than your mum you know?
after all he will be in charge "same position" just like mum.
don't you get it?
you will be dependent on him, you will need to please his decisions and you may possibly get insulted or abused in one way or another if you do something that pissed him off.
therefore in the end that will or might only compound your emotional break down.
(although you might still meet a good man who would respect you even in your situation) but my best advice is get yourself a job.

Is there a chance for you to get a job and to take care of yourself?

First off, welcome home to Naija.
Your mom is probably embittered cos she placed much hope and believe in you.
Its probably her own way of reacting to her disappointment.
She doesn't hate you, if she did , she'ld not accept you or provide some much needed assistance.
I don't know the circumstances surrounding ur move to SA but it seems she must have sat you down and given motherly advice. And she probably feel, u threw all that to the wind.
Now that that's explained.
1. Never accept that your little bundle of Joy was a mistake. No! Else you'll fall into the trap of despising or hating your baby. Give that baby all the love He/she needs, be very proud of your child.
2. Talk to your Mum. Apologize to her for not making her proud. Tell her you are sorry. She is pretty hurt cos she trusted u to deliver. Remember u are more hurt by those close to you. Ask her to give u another chance. Tell her u are her own baby and she's all u'v got.
3. Get busy in the house. Don't Just put on AM or MTV in the mornings, lazying about. Sweep, do the dishes, laundry. Make her Lazy. Let her know that u are back. Watch tv only when there's no chores to do.
4. Tell ur siblings how much u'v missed them. And no matter how they ridicule you. Stand up for them and take their sides against any outsider, soon, you'll win them to your camp.
5. Get a Job. However how menial, get something, a teacher at the daycare or something, cleaner, anything. Get outer the house and buy something while coming back.
6. Try and get intouch with ur dad. But on no account should u let them know u are searching for him.

Soon enough, they'll forgive you and integrate you again.


Pray.......it is well sis.

[quote author=Dheartless post=28067346]imo

Phema:


@bolded; but it is true na. You had a child for an irresponsible man (I remember your story). No mother or sibling will be proud of that, so don't blame them. You got yourself into this mess, so you should take responsibility for your actions. Coupled with the fact that they are still fending for you and the baby.

My only advice will be for you to get something doing. No matter how small. This is not the time for pity party it blame gane. This is the time to plan your life and your child's. Start being independent. Save enough to rent an apartment and work hard for you and your child. This is not a guarantee that the ridicule and insults will stop. It's just to give you some sense of self worth and dignity.

Good luck.

I want to do dat,bt I want to go and meet my husband there vry soon and also search for greener pastures

Mojayo, u see, we sometimes make mistakes, but then u knw u have to move on. The baby is here already, what u shld consider is wayforward. As someone suggested, get something doing, no matter how small, in order to cater for ur baby. The more u tink about d words ur mum and ur siblings are saying to u, d more it gets to u. The only way this can stop is for u to try and look for a job, so that u r not always around. And by d time u return frm wrk, u'll b too tired for their talks.

But its d way u see urself dat others see u. If u see urself as a failure, then others will see u as a failure too. Just try to move forward. And maybe u've heard this statement before, "shiit happens sometime". So stop thinking BUT START ACTING.

[quote author=Dheartless post=28067763]b

[quote author=carefreewannabe post=2806

.

Op, Please get a job and after uve saved enough, move out of the house. Your focus now should be on how to improve your condition and to take care of your kid. Thats all i have to say.

I am going to be very harsh with you
you need a reality check.

Grow up. Why is it everyones fault but yours? You want another pity party.

First of all your parents even in their lack sent you to south Africa to school, you got involved with a violent criminal, dropped out of school and he was even trying to love-vendor you out. You somehow found your way back home, oya follow your mother to the market so she can help you learn the trade and hopefully have your own shop so you can grow and fend for your child that was war.

Now you are complaining about her life choices and her life while she is feeding you and her baby, clothing you and giving you money when you still refuse to work abi follow her to the market. You are over 18, what she does for you now is not your right and yes you are disrespectful to her, all your sibblings can not be against you but instead of facing the truth humbling your self and growing up you want to return to your ex convict love-vendor of a husband, later now you will come with another whinny post.

Grow up.

The only person I pity in all this is your innocent bab

Grow up, why dont you woman up and do something good with yourself instead of running around like a headless chicken. Women have survived and are surviving under worse situations enough of this whinny everybody hates me posts. Go and apologise to your nother learn a trade and do something good with yourself. Go back to that man at your own risk

Why did you leave SA?

MojAyo:
yeah,bt I dnt knw d working system here,I'm tired of d country,feeling helpless cos I dnt ve a job to support myself

This is why I asked you if it is possible for you to get a job.

crackhaus:
Why did you leave SA?

My story goes from here,my parents force me to go and look for a husband becos they can't spend on me again,I dated someone thinking he is a good person cos he showed me love and care and also make me financially balanced,while nt knwing dat d business he is doing is nt good,one day he started shouting at me,dat escalated into physical abuse ,I had a problem with where I'm staying,I move in with him bt d abuse escalated,he started beating me everyday,tearing my clothes,collecting my money(mind u,I was working then)he sold all my properties I bring into his place with all my bb phone,till I said it enough,then I moved out,one thing led to d other,he started calling me and begging me back,I went back(becos of love)I fall pregnant for him and d abuse escalated again frm there,I can't take it anymore and my parents said I should move out frm there,dat they re even d one sending me money for my upkeep,till I deliver,dis guy didn't do a cent in my life and d babys life ,becos of d frustration I came to home to my parents cos of my financial upkeep,I'm in my parents house,now I'm hearing dat he is inside prison(dat he went to rob a white man)people pls I need ur advice maybe tocontinue with dis relationship or quit for good
Re: Pls,i Need An Advice,i'm Depressed,i Feel Like Crying by MojAyo(f): 5:21pm On Jul 04
Godmy strength:thank u for the encouragement, my story is a vry long one,bt I just type dat one down to not bore u guys down,I'm being suffering for long in dis relationship,my parents re blaming me,my siblings also,people re looking me somehow dat I've a child out of wedlock for an irresponsible,God pls show me d way
Godmystrength:its out of wedlock my dear,we stayed together as couple(while nt married yet)bt becos of love and thinking he will change for good,I fell pregnant for him,since then d suffering start,d landlord chase us away frm house,he took me to go and be sleeping in a brothel(me and him)while there I suffered,I can't bathe,I was vry dirty,and with my preg sickness again,everything went vry worst,with dat dis guy maltreat me there telling me to be selling my body for 50rand(south african money)I told him never,I will never so dat,then I started plaiting those prostitute hair there and doing their nails to earn a living ,this guy ve already collected six of my blackberrys repeatedly telling me he went to use it to borrow money while me nt knwing he went to sell it for a cheap price,I was only left with my simcard in d brothel,and my simcard,he started using it to call diff kind of people,one day I made up my mind I'm nt staying in d brothel again,I told him to give me my simcard,he doesn't want to,as a police van was roaming d street,they saw him harassing me,I told them everything,they aRrested him,frm there I went to stay with someone like a mother to me ,he later come out,the woman told me never to go back to him again dat I will be fine with my bby,bt d woman went to call my mum in nigeria at my back dat I'm pregnant,and u knw in our culture,when a girl get pregnant,they will want to knw who is responsible,so she called my bf ,and my bf said he is responsible for it and my mum also call his mum,dats what made me go back to stay with him,story continuation

brosss:
First off, welcome home to Naija.
Your mom is probably embittered cos she placed much hope and believe in you.
Its probably her own way of reacting to her disappointment.
She doesn't hate you, if she did , she'ld not accept you or provide some much needed assistance.
I don't know the circumstances surrounding ur move to SA but it seems she must have sat you down and given motherly advice. And she probably feel, u threw all that to the wind.
Now that that's explained.
1. Never accept that your little bundle of Joy was a mistake. No! Else you'll fall into the trap of despising or hating your baby. Give that baby all the love He/she needs, be very proud of your child.
2. Talk to your Mum. Apologize to her for not making her proud. Tell her you are sorry. She is pretty hurt cos she trusted u to deliver. Remember u are more hurt by those close to you. Ask her to give u another chance. Tell her u are her own baby and she's all u'v got.
3. Get busy in the house. Don't Just put on AM or MTV in the mornings, lazying about. Sweep, do the dishes, laundry. Make her Lazy. Let her know that u are back. Watch tv only when there's no chores to do.
4. Tell ur siblings how much u'v missed them. And no matter how they ridicule you. Stand up for them and take their sides against any outsider, soon, you'll win them to your camp.
5. Get a Job. However how menial, get something, a teacher at the daycare or something, cleaner, anything. Get outer the house and buy something while coming back.
6. Try and get intouch with ur dad. But on no account should u let them know u are searching for him.

Soon enough, they'll forgive you and integrate you again.


Pray.......it is well sis.

hmmm,its vry hard,bt I will try and abide

agbeke58:
Mojayo, u see, we sometimes make mistakes, but then u knw u have to move on. The baby is here already, what u shld consider is wayforward. As someone suggested, get something doing, no matter how small, in order to cater for ur baby. The more u tink about d words ur mum and ur siblings are saying to u, d more it gets to u. The only way this can stop is for u to try and look for a job, so that u r not always around. And by d time u return frm wrk, u'll b too tired for their talks.

But its d way u see urself dat others see u. If u see urself as a failure, then others will see u as a failure too. Just try to move forward. And maybe u've heard this statement before, "shiit happens sometime". So stop thinking BUT START ACTING.

tanx for dis advice

Sophyrocks:
Op, Please get a job and after uve saved enough, move out of the house. Your focus now should be on how to improve your condition and to take care of your kid. Thats all i have to say.

yep,I wanna work,and I will do dat soon,tanx

It's so important to raise young girls right.Mothers,please spend quality time with your daughters and feed their minds. Some girls just grow up d**b.

Young lady,this abuse will continue cos you brought it upon yourself.What you have to do is get a job,no matter how little.That way,you will become less dependent on your mum and you will be able to save enough to get an accommodation of your own later.

brosss:
First off, welcome home to Naija.
Your mom is probably embittered cos she placed much hope and believe in you.
Its probably her own way of reacting to her disappointment.
She doesn't hate you, if she did , she'ld not accept you or provide some much needed assistance.
I don't know the circumstances surrounding ur move to SA but it seems she must have sat you down and given motherly advice. And she probably feel, u threw all that to the wind.
Now that that's explained.
1. Never accept that your little bundle of Joy was a mistake. No! Else you'll fall into the trap of despising or hating your baby. Give that baby all the love He/she needs, be very proud of your child.
2. Talk to your Mum. Apologize to her for not making her proud. Tell her you are sorry. She is pretty hurt cos she trusted u to deliver. Remember u are more hurt by those close to you. Ask her to give u another chance. Tell her u are her own baby and she's all u'v got.
3. Get busy in the house. Don't Just put on AM or MTV in the mornings, lazying about. Sweep, do the dishes, laundry. Make her Lazy. Let her know that u are back. Watch tv only when there's no chores to do.
4. Tell ur siblings how much u'v missed them. And no matter how they ridicule you. Stand up for them and take their sides against any outsider, soon, you'll win them to your camp.
5. Get a Job. However how menial, get something, a teacher at the daycare or something, cleaner, anything. Get outer the house and buy something while coming back.
6. Try and get intouch with ur dad. But on no account should u let them know u are searching for him.

Soon enough, they'll forgive you and integrate you again.


Pray.......it is well sis.

This is the best advice so far dear.

But what if her mother doesn't want to hear anything from her again?

[quote author=aisha2 post=28069016

carefreewannabe:


This is why I asked you if it is possible for you to get a job.

tanx ,I will find something to do

thorpido:
It's so important to raise young girls right.Mothers,please spend quality time with your daughters and feed their minds. Some girls just grow up d**b.

Young lady,this abuse will continue cos you brought it upon yourself.What you have to do is get a job,no matter how little.That way,you will become less dependent on your mum and you will be able to save enough to get an accommodation someone f your own later.

Don't ever look down on someone unless your going to help them

Thanks for the response aisha2.

So after reading that, I'm still wondering miss MojAyo - if you had a job while in SA before the abuse started, why didn't you try to get it back or get a new job without returning to Nigeria?

What I'm getting at is this:
You should think about returning to SA if that's the system you are used to, according to this bit from one of your comments...

yeah, bt I dnt knw d working system here,I'm
tired of d country, feeling helpless

Also what are your qualifications and why haven't you used it in getting a job in Nigeria yet?

The power is in your hands and self-pity will get you nowhere.
All you need is a job at the moment and possibly a way to get back to SA if you so wish, that's if your immigration status/eligibility hasn't been compromised.