Please i need your advice!!!
Here is what happened;

The last time I saw my girlfriend, she told me
it's over between us. I thought about it and I found out that life without her is meaningless. So, I decided to kill myself. I jumped from my reading table to my mouka foam,I didn't die, I went to an express road & looked carefully before crossing the road, nothing happened to me.
I drank 4 bottles of coca cola with too much suya but nothing happened, I took a lot of mangoes without swallowing the seeds, yet I
didn't see hell! I proceeded to another level of
concoction.... So, I prepared gizzard and kidney sauce with strawberry juice and lots of fresh tomatoes, yet nothing happened.
I ate cake, chocolate mixed with ice cream, still I didn't die. I'm so worried now cause I Just finished eating fried rice with chilled maltina and fresh fruit salad but nothing still happened to me.

I'm really upset right now. My friends, what do I do? Should I try plantain and chicken with fresh milk. Will it work? Advice me please.
I'm waiting... Thanks in Advance.