Marital R-pe - Who Will Push the Cause of Victims?

By Catherine Agbo, Ruth Choji and Solomon Ayado / allafrica.com

Though a hardly talked about topic, r-pe is a problem in many matrimonial homes. The unfortunate scenario in this case is that the victims live with their abusers and are often too scared to voice out their pain, for societal, cultural and other such reasons.

In July 2013, one Maryam Yahaya made a confessional statement to the police in Plateau State that she killed her husband, Lawal Bala, by stabbing him with a knife on his neck while the deceased was sleeping in his bedroom in his home at Layin Sidi, Gangare, in Jos North local government area of the state, shortly after he returned from his business.

The 17-year-old Maryam, who claimed to have been forcefully married to the deceased, not long before the incident, told the police that she had to end her late husband's life because she could no longer contend with his insatiable appetite for s-x, alleging that he often had s-xual intercourse with her up to six times in a day and would force her against her wish most of the time.

Stories of men having forceful s-xual intercourse with their wives against their wishes abound. As Africans, it is unheard of in this part of the world that a woman would accuse her husband of r-ping her as she is deemed to be his property by virtue of the dowry he paid on her and can do with her as he wishes, including having s-xual intercourse with her even against her wish. Cases of marital r-pe abound.

Marital r-pe is a situation where someone uses violence or the threat of violence to force their wife or husband to have s-x. Reporting r-pe in marriage may become even more complicated because of a woman's relationship to her assailant. Women r-ped by their husbands may hesitate to report because of family loyalty, fear of their abuser's retribution, inability to leave the relationship, or they may not know that r-pe in marriage is against the law.

In November 2013, a 45-year-old trader, Muina Adelami, asked a Lagos Family Court in Lagos State to dissolve her eight-year-old marriage to her husband, Shuaib, a clerical officer, on the ground that his s-x drive was high. According to her, the husband would have se-x with her against her wish and beat her if she resisted him. She recalled an incident when she fainted and after assisting her to come round, he continued having s-x with her.

"We start having s-x every night just before midnight and this goes on till the early hours of the next day. Many times, immediately after he comes back from work, he starts demanding for s-x. He would refuse to stand up even when I am crying and will start beating me whenever I complain. There were times I did faint, but when I regained consciousness, he would start again. The way he's going, he will kill me. I now look older than my age mates due to too much s-x," she told the court.

In his defence, Shuaib admitted to having a high s-x drive, but added that it was his right to have s-x with his wife, adding that s-x cannot kill her.

Speaking on the issue of marital r-pe, a lawyer, Emmanuel Adoga stated that "both the Penal Code which is applicable in northern states, and the Criminal Code (in the west) define r-pe to be s-xual intercourse with a woman or carnal knowledge of a woman when consent is obtained by use of fraud, force, intimidation, threats to life, or physical harm. "Carnal knowledge" and s-xual intercourse are defined for the purposes of both codes as acts of penetration. Under the Criminal Code, a woman may be prosecuted under the law prohibiting "unnatural" intercourse for "permitting" a man to have such intercourse with her. It is thus only when it can be proved that a person has contravened the ingredients of an offence as defined by the relevant penal legislation that such a person can be found guilty of committing that offence."

Continuing, he said, "concerning marital r-pe, the question is whether or not a man can be liable for the offence of r-pe against his wife and therefore necessarily entails the consideration of the provisions of the Criminal Code Act Cap C17 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria (applicable as Laws of the various States in the Southern part of Nigeria except Lagos State where the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2011 applies) and the Penal Code Act (applicable in the FCT, Abuja and also applicable as Laws of the various northern states) to ascertain the physical and mental elements of the offence because R-pe is defined in Section 357 of the Criminal Code and by Section 358 of the Code; the offence is punishable with imprisonment for life with or without caning. Section 357 of the Criminal Code provides: Any person who has unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or, in the case of a married woman, by personating her husband, is guilty of an offence which is called r-pe.

But Section 282 (2) states that, (2) S-xual intercourse by a man with his own wife is not r-pe, if she has attained puberty and because of this law, in the North, a man can only be guilty of the offence of r-pe against his wife if his wife has not attained the age of puberty. And that is why when women report cases of marital r-pe to the police, they find it hard to provide adequate assistance. The victim who has found the police to be unresponsive will then refuse to open up again. They will rather speak to their religious advisers who don't really help except to encourage them to bear it. Women who are r-ped by their husbands are likely to experience multiple assaults and often suffer severe long-term physical and emotional consequences. It is most times more traumatic than r-pe by a stranger because a wife lives with her assailant and she may live in constant terror of another assault whether she is awake or asleep."

A psychologist, Mr. Adebayo Adewuti, said, "emotional reactions to marital r-pe can be very dramatic and severe because the act is done by an intimate partner. The effects could be injuries to the vaginal and a-al areas, scrapes, cuts, bruises and soreness, torn muscles, fatigue, vomiting, broken bones, injuries caused by weapons, miscarriages or stillbirths, contraction of s-xually-transmitted infections, including HIV, shock, anxiety and intense fear, depression, suicidal ideation, acute and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), loss of trust, shock, anxiety and intense fear, depression, suicidal ideation and acute and PTSD. Marital r-pe survivors may have flash backs, inability to trust, depression, and traumatic stress disorder, indignation and persecution of all forms of rape will take time. The physical effects of spousal r-pe are the same effects suffered by any r-pe victim and it could be that, some marital r-pe victims don't realise they have been r-ped as they are under the mistaken impression that partners cannot r-pe each other.

He further categorised r-pe as battering r-pe, which occurs when physical and se-xual violence occur together, saying in this instance, victims may experience physical and s-xual violence at the same time or one may occur after another and that the r-pe may occur after the physical violence as an attempt to "make up."

"There are different types of marital rape and these include force-only r-pe that does not include physical violence, obsessive r-pe involves torture or perverse s-xual acts," Adewuti added.

A Muslim cleric, Mallam Yahaya Sani, stated that forcing a wife into s-x or marital r-pe is forbidden in Islam.

"If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens." Qur'an, 2.187 'they are garments for you and you are garments for them," and this is how each spouse acts, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for the other. The spouse should fulfil the s-xual needs of the other such that their desires are brought into check and they are able to stay away from the haram, both major (such as fornication). Muslim couples who are happy in bed are happy in their marriage. Islam is a religion of peace, and honours women and most of the hadith talks about how to treat women. Ibn Abidin says, 'among the rulings of marriage is that each spouse is allowed to derive s-xual pleasure from the other. Both husband and wife have the right to fulfil each other's s-xual needs.

"That is why the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said that, "If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens." It is not sexual abuse rather, it is to protect the marriage bed and keep it undefiled, where each spouse rushes to fulfil the rights and desires of the other. The messenger of Allah also stated that, 'the most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character; and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses. The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you with my wives. He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest. A Muslim husband is forbidden to harm or abuse his wife! He has to act kindly towards his wife. Islam also says that 'O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.' Qu'ran An-nisa 19 also says, 'we all know that, husband's urges are so strong, and to prevent him from acting out on them illicitly, a wife's duty therefore is to submit (but cannot be forced) in order to preserve the marriage".

A Christian cleric, Pastor Tunde Adegboyega of Resurrection Power and Life Ministry also condemned marital r-pe, saying, "1 Corinthians 7:1-5 says it is a husband's duty to provide s-xual satisfaction to his wife and it is a wife's duty to provide s-xual satisfaction to her husband, the s-xual act within marriage is honourable.

"Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). S-x within marriage is considered something pure and undefiled. As Christians, though we know it is lawful, we want to be like Jesus. That's the reason why forcing s-x on the spouse is a sin. It's a sin of hypocrisy. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. But a husband forcing s-x on his wife without her willing participation is sinning because he is abusing his wife. It says quite clearly that the husband has authority over the wife's body, and the wife has authority over the husband's body. However, the husband cannot forcibly take what his wife has not offered. His physical need is not an excuse for abuse."

In Benue State, though the issue is not very common as victims seldom talk about it, it has been discovered that there are a few cases of men who forcefully have carnal knowledge of their wives without seeking due consent. Sometimes the act is attributed to lack of understanding and harmony in a marriage.

Commenting on the matter, a clergy in charge of Faith Cathedral, Makurdi, Archbishop Yimam Orkwar described marital r-pe as act of irresponsibility, saying that it does not portend a good quality of Christianity.

According to him, when couples are legally married, they are entitled to each other except where disharmony is found, adding that before having carnal knowledge, the consent of both must be sought.

He said the act of r-pe is unholy and ungodly and urged those who indulge in it to desist in order to inherit the kingdom of God.

"The issue of matrimonial r-pe is not holy at all. When couples at married, they are legally joined together and are free to have physical contact with each, but it must be done in agreement of both parties.

"It is wrong when a man rapes a spouse or r-pes another who is legally married. Women are expected to be submissive to their husbands but in doing this, the men too must realise that women have the right to say "no" and so, only harmonious coexistence can prevent this unholy act." Orkwar stated.

A Muslim cleric, Alhaji Abdukadir Abubakar said the issue of matrimonial r-pe is against the tenets of Islam and urged men to desist from it.

According to Abubakar, though women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands, it is equally imperative for men not to forcefully have carnal knowledge of their wives. This, he said, will uphold the true respect of men on womanhood.

Source: allafrica.com

Over to the NL ra-pists and women who love to be ra-ped to have eruptive org-a-zzzzms!

*an old recycled topic is just as juicy as a watery, gushing pooohsie!*

Next please.

*just posting for posting sake. . . since I have been gone for while*

Kanwuliaaaaaa Now this your comment made me laugh so hard

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But why will woman refuse sex to the husband she married na?

Many of these women have lower libido than their husbands. So anytime the man asks for sex and the woman refuses and the man insists, it automatically turns to rape?? Very soon they will say 99% of marriages have experienced rape. Mumu whites always looking for needle in haystacks!

This world should end abeg!

Raape in marriage is legal in Nigeria

Please...please and please...
I take God beg una...Let nobody quote that post.

her name is irony
so she does not always mean what she says

5minsmadness:
Many of these women have lower libido than their husbands. So anytime the man asks for sex and the woman refuses and the man insists, it automatically turns to rape?? Very soon they will say 99% of marriages have experienced rape. Mumu whites always looking for needle in haystacks!

This world should end abeg!

if your wife likes fancy things and she decides to take your money without your consent to buy herself nice things, it stops being theft because she is your wife

Mondisweets:
if your wife likes fancy things and she decides to take your money without your consent to buy herself nice things, it stops being theft because she is your wife

How did you extrapolate this from what I said? Its not the same abeg!

5minsmadness:
Many of these women have lower libido than their husbands. So anytime the man asks for sex and the woman refuses and the man insists, it automatically turns to rape?? Very soon they will say 99% of marriages have experienced rape. Mumu whites always looking for needle in haystacks!

This world should end abeg!

Only a sicko will force himself on a woman who does not want to sleep with him.

5minsmadness:

How did you extrapolate this from what I said? Its not the same abeg!

and u cant answer that!