Bringing Down The House - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 2:56pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
Smart Blonde A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn". She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 3:03pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
The local charity home realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer, so a volunteer was sent to solicit his donation. "Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community through the charity home." The lawyer said, "First, are you aware that my mother is dying from a long, painful illness? And that she has medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?" Embarrassed, the charity home rep mumbled, "Uh, no." "Second, did you know my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair, and unable to support his wife and six children?" The stricken charity home rep mumbled another, "Uh, no." "Third, do you realize that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident leaving her penniless, with a huge mortgage and three young children?" The charity home rep was humiliated. "No, sir. I had no idea." The lawyer concluded, "Well, then. If I don't give any money to them, why do you think I'd give any to you?!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you." |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 3:08pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
can't believe i almost  ed |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 3:13pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
Godfather's Lawyer A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says, go to hell, , that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 3:18pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
hmmmyyyyyykkkaaaaaaaaaliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 3:22pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
Romade . what is wrong with u now? ? ******************************************** A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later". The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked, "Sister have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, “He went that way. " After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under the skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq. " The nun said she understood completely. The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs." The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls, I don't want to go to Iraq either" |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by clemcykul(f): 3:23pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
lol *pulls triger and shoots mykali's balls* now u knoe i can pull the trigger  |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 3:26pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
kakakakakaka i laffed lyk Gabby |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 3:58pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
what is wrong with u chickens enh? ************************************** Together At Last She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.” One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.” |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 4:15pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
Two couples were playing cards one evening. One of the husbands, Jerry, accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Ray's wife Shaniqua, had her legs spread wide, and she wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jerry, upon trying to sit up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, Jerry went into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Shaniqua followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under the table?" Surprised by her boldness, Jerry courageously admitted that, well, yes, he did. She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jerry indicated that he was indeed interested. She told him that since her husband, Ray, works Friday afternoons and Jerry doesn't, that Jerry should be at her house around 2:00 PM, Friday afternoon. When Friday rolls around, Jerry shows up at Ray's house for sex with Ray's wife at 2:00 PM sharp, and after paying her the agreed upon $500.00, they go to her bedroom and have fantastic sex, just as Shaniqua had promised. Afterwards, Jerry quickly dresses and leaves. As was his habit at 6:00 PM, Ray returned home from work. Upon entering the house and encountering his wife, he asked loudly, "Did Jerry come by with my money?" With a lump in her throat, Ray's wife answered, "Oh yeah, he did stop by here for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when Ray curtly asked, "And did he give you $500.00?" In terror she assumed she'd somehow been found out, and after mustering up her best poker face, she replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me five hundred dollars." Ray, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised Shaniqua by saying, "Good, I was hoping so. Jerry came by my office this morning and borrowed five hundred dollars from me. He promised me he'd stop by this afternoon on his way home and pay me back." |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 4:25pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
copy paste master |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 4:31pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker." Janet responded, "Just because I am esthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances." Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?" Janet, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can." That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you? |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 4:38pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
romade: how did u think sam milla won the king of jokes na? please, go and sleep. that's all for today, i don tire . if the house aint felled yet, i will burn it down.  |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by dani1luv: 4:40pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
mikey |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 4:41pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
c rival wey no get mouth |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by dani1luv: 4:47pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
talkin to me |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 5:04pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
i call name |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by dani1luv: 5:11pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
i call name too |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 5:14pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
call na, if u nor dey fear |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by Nobody: 5:17pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
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| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 5:20pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
dani, Myki & oh Ibukun Ayefele |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by Nobody: 5:21pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
who da hell is Ibukun?  |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 5:24pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
u na. in ur interview.  |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by Nobody: 5:24pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
Naaah That isn't me |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 5:28pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
refresh ur memory den |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by Nobody: 5:30pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
It is 'fresh' enough |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by romsky: 5:32pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
enuf lubbish |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 5:34pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
so who granted the interview. a ghost? |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by Nobody: 5:36pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
romade:Fyam! mykali:Who knows |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by mykali(m): 5:39pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
yah. i can seeee that. BOO!  |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by sholabanke(m): 6:41pm On Dec 02, 2008 |
@poster nice one for all the jokes except the dead woman with 3 husband |
| Re: Bringing Down The House by clemcykul(f): 11:42am On Dec 03, 2008 |
3 husbands?? thats very small. i was hoping for 0ne dozen |
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