I received the invite for the interview the night before the D-day. The timing wasn’t ethical considering I applied for the job since May.
If I had my way, I would have ignored the invitation but 2015 is fast approaching and I was getting more desperate to be gainfully employed before the year runs out.

The company is located at the outskirts of Ojota. It took me one bus ride, one keke ride and a bike ride which cost a total of N400 to get there. Not to mention the early morning traffic I endured. I arrived at 8:30am against the 10am slated.

To stress how remote the location was, the network signal on my phone vanished when I got to the gate.

The company had no signboard, no cars were parked, the surroundings when unkempt… it could be easily mistaken for a residential building.

This better not be a ritualist den, I prayed silently.

I relaxed when a young lady emerged from a building best described as the company’s boys quarters and led me to the reception.

“The test would start by 10am” she said.

“Test? But I though its just interview?”

“There would be a 1st test, 2nd test and interview today.”

Very well. If they were going to be scrupulous in their recruitment process, it only meant one thing: THEY WERE GOING TO PAY GOOD MONEY!

By 10am, five other candidates joined me.

The exam sheet was sectioned in 30 quantitative reasoning questions aka patterns, 30 English questions and 40 tough GMAT questions.

The mathematics questions were not even multichoice. You have to work your way right to the answer without a calculator.

I solved most of the first two sections and did the little I could in the mathematics. Forty five minutes after, our answer sheets were gotten from us.

We were then assigned to different desktops where our knowledge in Ms tools were tested.

An hour later, the five candidates were screened out except me.

It felt too good to be true.

Then I was called in for the panel interview…

The so called panel was made of up the HR lady, the HR friend or whoever she was (she had no tag), the receptionist girl, one other random female staff and the gateman.

Except for the man, the rest of the team began firing me questions like I snatched their boyfriend or something.

“What are your weaknesses?” The HR said.

“But that’s not a weakness” The receptionist said.

“No No No! You can’t have only two weaknesses.” HR friend said.

“We want to know what are the bad things you secretly do but earnestly want to change?” The HR cut in again.

They were not going to shut up until I tell them my weakness is when I see a man, I start wriggling like an earthworm.

When it was the gateman turn to interrogate me, he said, “Wait o. Why did you study this kind of course in Nigeria?”

“Because I didn’t want to end up as a gateman.” That would have been my reply if I had no atom of humility.

At the end of the session, the HR excused everyone out except her friend.

“Can you resume next week Wednesday?” She said.

I nodded in affirmation.

“Your salary is N30,000. Any questions?”

I held myself from asking her why they tortured me with that sort of difficult exam and still went ahead to bring the company ancestors to interview me for a N30,000 job.

“No questions ma. See you on Wednesday.” I quipped sarcastically as I made my way out.

“One more thing” she added, “Its best you come on Monday so you can start processing your Sure-P internship application. Nobody here will do that for you. That’s where your salary would come from.”

I let out an inaudible sigh.

So technically, I was to do cheap labour in a nameless company for a position that wasn’t going to boost my résumé?

The 419 company wanted the best hands they could get yet they were not ready to spend one kobo of their money to train or motivate me.

I was so mad at myself for being the lab rat of a bullshit interview.

On my way home, I bought three cans of orijin in traffic and downed two carelessly in the bus amidst the stares from the passengers.

Just look at how uncivilised a bad day rendered me. SMH

This morning, an unfamiliar number called me.

“Its 8am. Are you not resuming work?”, a voice I recognised as the HR’s said.

Let’s assume I consider the offer:

Transport Monthly = 16800

2 cans of Orijin daily ( I would be needing this to keep my temper at bay before I go home and start smashing plates in rage) = 8400

One gala per day (abi I no go chop for work?) = 1050

Tithe = 3000

Subtract the total from N30000 and tell me in the comment box.

“Please I am not interested in your sure-Q offer. Thank you” I politely said and ended the call.

I am not the perfect employee, I may be a tad too desperate but that does not change the fact that I know my worth.

Hahahahahahaha

Very funny___ even gateman follow interview you? Nawa o
Reminds me of one I went for, mine was 12k gaan. I went the first day, by the time I was coming back___ the stress/dusty road done collect all my "fine-girl" finish.
I didn't show up the next day...lmao


Why you go dey drink Origin like that? Are you a drunkard?

Lero15:
Pele