How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 8:56am On Dec 15, 2014 |
Because, i am doing better than my senior bros, mom and dad now treat me special, serve my food with tray while they serve his own without tray. Dad will tell him to do things the junior one should do and the whole thing keeps me unconfortable, and they worry why I don't come home often. Do you guys experience the same thing in your own family? |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by ammyluv2002(f): 9:07am On Dec 15, 2014 |
This is so wrong! How do they expect him to feel? I dont like it when parents take sides for selfish reasons thats why so many babes jump into marriage today cause they are being treated as trash in their own homes same goes to the guys who are still husting to make it in life. Parents should learn how to support their kids especially when passing through hard times. Please, talk to your parents that you are not cool with the way they treat him and if they refuse go and rent a house then take your brother with you. Pls, sorry if i sounded harsh to your parents but I just couldn't control my annoyance *no offence * Thank God for my parents o |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 9:25am On Dec 15, 2014 |
He should treat himself special and keep his distance before he loses his sense of self. The time has come to leave his parents. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Orunto: 9:38am On Dec 15, 2014 |
Just keep praying for mum and dad to see clearly the lights of God in both of you. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Enoquin(f): 9:52am On Dec 15, 2014 |
Your parents are not encouraging your brother, that act might throw him into either depression or desperation. This is why people go into all sorts of illegalities, just so their parents, friends, siblings could hold them in high esteem. It's good you have noticed. Use the respect they have for you to have a talk with them and correct things you have noticed. Have a seperate talk with you brother too. Try to find out what his goals are and try to encourage him...he just may need someone's show of support through encouraging talks. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by dhabeautyjas(f): 3:12pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
OP, your parents are very wrong but you could make them change since they tend to like you. use your opportunity to make them do right things to your brother or tell them you wont come home again. we can correct our parent when we know they are doing wrong things. Mind you, your brother may start developing hatred for you with time so the time to stop it is now. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by mutter(f): 3:29pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
Is it possible that your senior brother never took advice and therefore is responsible for his situation? It could be that your parents want to put pressure on him to do better. Yes it is bad that he get`s treated that way but honor to he who deserves honor. It is not normal for parents to serve their children food on a tray. Your parents are doing it to honor you. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 7:13pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
That's life hombre. People generally gravitate towards the source of the most value. Makes you question the concept of unconditional love doesn't it? Wait till your brother "makes it". |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by KanwuliaJara: 7:34pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
With all due DISRESPECT. . . your parents are very LOCAL! This was the kind of nonsense THE CHRISTIAN GOD OF SADISTS did to cause a rift between Esau and Jacob! Doing better than your big bros indeed. . . .like any of you can tell what the future holds? Not surprised though!  No! I did not experience such 'bushness' in my family. EVERY CHILD WAS LOVED AND RAISED WITH RESPECT. . . REGARDLESS OF HIS OR HER ACADEMIC OR SOCIAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS! The reason we all DID well motivating each other with mutual LOVE AND RESPECT! Tsk! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by SAMBARRY: 7:56pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
Gbam. Like kilode KanwuliaJara: |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 9:47pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
mutter: Each passing day you make less and less sense , putting pressure on someone by degrading him will hardly make him do better , he'll tend to go bitter and might do what he ought not to do. Even if he ends up being successful , the resentment he'll feel towards his parents , and I might add his siblings , will definitely put cracks in the family ( I should know cos I'm experiencing it now ). More so the advice which you mention he might not have taken doesn't mean things would have turned out better for him ( I also share this same experience ). 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 1:53am On Dec 16, 2014 |
So serving you with tray is your definition of being more successful than your brother.. I laugh,your parents are starting a cold war,which may later spin out of control for them. No one knows tomorrow.. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by mutter(f): 7:37am On Dec 16, 2014 |
neoapocalypse: I only asked a question. It might be that he did not take his school serious, or was skipping classes, in a cult and that lead to his situation. So you are trying to say that someones progress is not determined by the effort he makes, is not influenced by parental advice? I think you are just being ridiculous by trying to insult me here. It is not my fault your life did not work out and that you have stress with your parents. But you don`t have to assume that your problem is similar to his. Since I have kids that are already in adult age I know too well how difficult it can get with kids. Besides my question was aimed at getting him to release more information so that he can get advice or opinion from others. I never condemned him, however I did not want to condemn the parents without more information because that might only make him more bitter towards them and that would worsen matters. I also do not think that the parents are handling it the right way because parents are meant to stand by their children in times when they are down. My motto is " as long as I do not give up on my children God never will" Yet you and the poster must also realize that the parents are acting that way because they themselves where treated that way by their parents. They never learnt it any better. When in Nigeria you are not under any kind of scrutiny and so many parents don't really ponder much about their methods of training their kids. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 8:40am On Dec 16, 2014 |
mutter: You've totally gotten it wrong , and I repeat you make less and less sense each passing day , as evident with this post. Sorry to say but your parenting leaves a lot to be desired. Yes a person's progress will be influenced by his decisions and parental advice can greatly affect a person's progress but a lot of times parental advice might be a deterrent to a person's progress. A parents duty is to raise a child with the knowledge of knowing right from wrong and living an upright and moral life ( asides catering for his upkeep to adulthood ) , parents get it wrong a lot of times with trying to enforce a decision on a child. The posters parents have gotten this all wrong from the start and there is no excuse for their actions even if their child didn't take their advice ( in the end it is his choice to make ). To put the records straight my life is not shitty as you insinuated and I believe it can't be better than it is but I also know I could have gotten to where I am a lot quicker than I did. Do I feel resentment over it - yes , has it affected my relationship with my parents and siblings - yes , am I sad it happened like this - no. While I know my progress has been impeded by my parents I do not hold any grudge against them , some children might not be so forgiving. Train your children properly and do not elevate any child over another cos of financial , social or educational accomplishment 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Juzzybabe(f): 10:33am On Dec 16, 2014 |
Most parents are just like that. Just always tell your mum the avenue she's creating(disunity,envy,etc) tell her u dont want such treatment again that if she continues,u will stop coming home. I know how u feel,I have been in your shoes. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by mutter(f): 11:35am On Dec 16, 2014 |
neoapocalypse: neoapocalypse: neoapocalypse: It is obvious you have a problem. The poster is not you! How do you know what his problem is. How do you know if his parents tried to force him into a decision or were just raising him. You are obviously being hunted by your experiences so I have no more to comment on this except to advice you to seek help. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 1:27pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
mutter: Madam you're the one with a big problem and thus needs serious help. Turning it around on me , were you not the one who mentioned that probably he didn't take his parents advice or his own actions lead him to have a shitty life and his parents were acting like that towards him ?. I know you'll hide under the "I asked a question" comment. Anyways I see that your problems stem from comprehension and I'll stop replying to your comments after this. Have a nice day and don't forget to seek for help ( both spiritual and medical ) |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by freecocoa(f): 1:35pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
mutter:Nna eh, na wa o, seriously can't you just type like someone with a normal brain? Is it everyone who is in a bad situation that didn't listen to advice? So you put pressure on someone by treating them badly? You never disappoint sha. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 1:52pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
Poster the first step to solving a problem is identifying it. Talk with your parents, tell them as much as you are happy with the attention and love your brother deserves the respect more as the elder one. Remember no condition is permanent. The rejected stone today can be tomorrows star and when that happens and they turn on you hmmmm. Enemity between sibblings is unhealthy to say the least. Your parents are older, truth is they will go and leave you and your brother one day, when they do the bad blood and resentment will still be there with you both. Draw your brother closer, encourage him, refuse preferential treatment, you are a man stand up for what is right. Tell your parents your brother by right should have their respect and they should act in ways younger ones can respect him. I dont know with parents these days it seems all about money. I know some mom who sets her kids against each other, one is busy stealing pension money the other is being a smart hardworking honest civil servant yet the one obviously living above his means is the star, no questions asked. I keep encouraging the honest one never to get tempted and to keep doing the right thing. Please you seem smart poster, as sweet as the attention is please know that in a few years it will be you and your brother against the world and if hate brews between you, you will be on your own. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by mutter(f): 2:02pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
freecocoa:Let the poster throw light on his brothers situation. In a forum there are different opinions respect that Insults are used when reason fails. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by Nobody: 2:25pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
mutter:Since i've been visiting family section,av never read any sensible post from you,always senseless. Don't bother to quote me,b'cos i woun't reply you. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by freecocoa(f): 2:42pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
mutter:It should be very obvious to you by now that's there's something seriously wrong with your opinions, I mean, how else do you explain almost everyone having a problem with them? 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by mutter(f): 2:52pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
freecocoa: perhaps because theyare looking at it from the perspective of the children and I am looking at it from the perspective of a mother. Besides are we really saying anything so much different? I never condemned him, however I did not want to condemn the parents without more information because that might only make him more bitter towards them and that would worsen matters. I also do not think that the parents are handling it the right way because parents are meant to stand by their children in times when they are down. My motto is " as long as I do not give up on my children God never will" Yet you and the poster must also realize that the parents are acting that way because they themselves where treated that way by their parents. They never learnt it any better. When in Nigeria you are not under any kind of scrutiny and so many parents don't really ponder much about their methods of training their kids. The difference between us is that I would not like to condemn the parents action outright without more information. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by ECSpee(f): 9:38pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
neoapocalypse:10000 likes |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 7:29pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
andromida: This is just the reason I think why they treat him that way. He is the first son and he is finding it difficult to leave the parents, may be they want to indirectly frustrate him out, I tire for that matter ooo |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 7:35pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
ammyluv2002: I can't take my senior brother to live with me. I need to build my own home, and he may inconvinience my girl friend. My mum said first sons find it difficult to leave their fathers house because, their subconscious mind tells them it is their house also. Honestly, I don't know how to keep mouth to querry my parents. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 7:38pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
dhabeautyjas: I no fit tell dad but I go tell mum, dad may look me one kind eye. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 7:41pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
mutter: Yes, the guy is very stubborn, he never took advice and yes he is somehow responsible for his situation but mehn, I am just unconfortable with the whole thing |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 7:43pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
Timbuktou: exactly my thought, what then happens if he eventually start doing better. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 7:52pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
KanwuliaJara: I understand your write ups but there are better in English to use in terms of respect and to elders. My dad hate the guy because, he is very stubborn and never took advice. His sense of reasoning is also very poor but my concern is on how to quench the cold war and enemity that may spring up later to avoid Umunadi coming in so that, we will continue to help each other. I hate where there is no peace. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 8:01pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
neoapocalypse: You are also correct, I expect my parents to know him better and wisely, set him up. I think my mum do but may be the shame and embarracement he has been bringing to the family might have frustrated her. I dont want to start going into details. My concern is just how to manage the double standard. I have told him to try and leave the village, even its one room apartment he should manage but he is insisting on 3 bed room flat that he may share. |
| Re: How Do You Manage Double Standard In Your Family? by showafrica(m): 8:12pm On Dec 17, 2014 |
Juzzybabe: They worry why I don't come home often but I never told them. I am just thinking on how to start the explaination because, it's also possible my bros dont care. Let me not put another reasoning in his head. We are very much in good terms still crack our normal jokes. |
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