A preacher's kid wrote in to Dr. Russell Moore's website, regarding divorcing his wife on the grounds of personal misery.

Should I Divorce, If I'm Miserable?

This is an issue I have struggled with for years, and still struggle with to this day.

My dad is a pastor and has been unfaithful to my mom on more than one occasion. The more than one occasion she doesn’t know about and it will continue to be a secret until my dad or I go to our graves.

I have watched a mom with a life full of pain and full of heartache. I have watched the marriage vows be broken, and I have watched as someone is broken in a marriage. My mom is still with my dad to this day. As her response to all of this, “some of us were meant to suffer in this life”. I watched my mom battle breast cancer. I have watched her have no support system in my dad. And yes, I did say my dad was a pastor and still is.

Why did my mom stay with my dad? Because it was the “right” thing to do. Does my mom love my dad? No…But she still lingers on sometimes, helpless and defeated. She still cries and hurts. She still hangs on one day at a time. Why? Because it was the “right” thing to do. Being raised in a Christian home does not mean we are exempt from sin or folly. My mom is one of the strongest Christians that I know. But, my mom is miserable. A miserable Christian? Seems like an oxymoron. But, because of what she believes she has stayed in this “covenant”.

Now, it has come to me facing a broken marriage. Was there infidelity? No. But my wife has some very serious issues that she will not deal with. We have sought out counseling. I have prayed and cried and prayed and cried until I almost can’t do it anymore. We were told that if my wife would take medication we would have some form of a “normal life”. But she refused. So, the cycle continues and now my child sees the effects that these issues have on my wife. And I see my child broken from all of this. So, how much longer do we allow the cycle to continue? In the words of my mom…”some of us were meant to suffer in this life.” So, Pastor Moore (and other pastors)...any thoughts?

A Pastor Rob Erasmus answers:

I’m a pastor, too, and I have sometimes advised a legal separation as a temporary or permanent solution to unbearable suffering caused by alcoholism, drug addiction or some types of mental illness. It is a fact that sometimes it is not possible to live with people who have these types of problems. Sometimes, living apart is the most loving thing to do, especially if there are children involved. Ideally, the separation should be for a relatively short period of time as people are encouraged to work through their problems. As for your Dad, there are so many background issues I don’t know where to start with my comments. First and foremost, a Christian minister who is guilty of infidelity should be deposed. Second, if her church was a solidly Biblical church, the elders should have helped your mother deal with her husband. If unrepentant, they should have advised her to divorce him.

Source: christianmarriage.com

Note: Dr. Russell Moore is president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, the moral and public policy agency of the nation’s largest Protestant denomination.
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What do you think of the Pastor Erasmus's answer?

If you were a pastor, how would you advise 'Preacher's Kid'?

If you were married and miserable - would you stay, separate or divorce?

Love doesn't hurt. It's the one you choose to love that's hurting you.

A Christian View of Divorce and Abuse
by Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells

One of my Welcome to Oz community support groups is WTOChristian. Often, members feel conflicted about divorcing an abusive spouse because of what the Bible says.

Here is what the book Keeping the Faith: Guidance from Christian Women Facing Abuse by Marie M. Fortune (1987, HarperCollins) says about the subject:

We have always taught within the Christian tradition that the marriage covenant is broken by adultery or sexual unfaithfulness in marriage. The main reason that adultery is a problem is that it results in broken trust between man and wife. If the promise is made to be monogamous, then adultery breaks that promise. But we should realize that there are other kinds of unfaithfulness. Bringing violence into one's marriage is also unfaithfulness. Once violence has entered a relationship, trust is destroyed. If you can't trust your [spouse] not to hit you, what can you trust?

Anyone who brings violence and abuse into [his or her] family life is putting asunder the marriage covenant that God has blessed. The violence is what breaks up the marriage, and the one responsible for that violence is the one responsible for the breakup. The actual divorce is in fact only the public acknowledgement of the private truth that the marriage has long been since destroyed by abuse. You are taking steps to let other people know what has happened to remove yourself from a destructive situation and get on with your life.

There may be things in your past that you regret having done or that you are not proud of. There may be sins of which you have not repented. You may not go to church regularly nor do all the things that you think make a good Christian. But no matter what kinds of things you have done or neglected to do, you do not deserve to be abused, and God does not send this abuse to you as punishment.

Remember that God is present to you even now, and that there are Christians who do understand your pain, your fear, and your doubt. We will not turn away from you; we will not abandon you. We will walk with you as you seek to end ALL types of abuse in your life.

I'm watching something more important. "THE HAVES AND THE HAVES NOT SEASON 3.im enjoying the role of jim Cryer campaigning for the office of the governor of his state and how he's handling his long strings of one night stand women and family scandals he's single handedly suppressing. His sons drug addiction problems and his daughter's friendship with one of his lovers trying to ruin his home, his wife's depression and her battle with cancer.ill re read the details later

Wait till you see season 4!

SAMBARRY:
I'm watching something more important. "THE HAVES AND THE HAVES NOT SEASON 3.im enjoying the role of jim Cryer campaigning for the office of the governor of his state and how he's handling his long strings of one night stand women and family scandals he's single handedly suppressing. His sons drug addiction problems and his daughter's friendship with one of his lovers trying to ruin his home, his wife's depression and her battle with cancer.ill re read the details later

Zehner:
Wait till you see season 4!

is season 4 ou ?


I walked round the nooks and crannies of alaba today searching for the season 3 before I could find itsef ehen talk less of season 4



So my dear what happened in season 4.jist mi.kiloshele?

Oya where u stop? Wait o abi dis Ibo boys in my area don divide season 3 into 2 parts com dey claim say na season 4....*scratches head* have you gotten to the hit and run part? Candice ex's release from prison. Amanda and her psychosis?

SAMBARRY:
is season 4 ou ?


I walked round the nooks and crannies of alaba today searching for the season 3 before I could find itsef ehen talk less of season 4



So my dear what happened in season 4.jist mi.kiloshele?

Zehner:
Oya where u stop? Wait o abi dis Ibo boys in my area don divide season 3 into 2 parts com dey claim say na season 4....*scratches head* have you gotten to the hit and run part? Candice ex's release from prison. Amanda and her psychosis?

yes that's where I stopped too

SAMBARRY:
is season 4 ou ?


I walked round the nooks and crannies of alaba today searching for the season 3 before I could find itsef ehen talk less of season 4



So my dear what happened in season 4.jist mi.kiloshele?

people still buy rubbish discs in alaba when you can dl 720 p from the net?

super story part 2. distributed and marketed nationwide, idumota Lagos. Grab ur copy now!!!!