₦airaland Forum

Hi guys, this is my first attempt at poetry. Please i need constructive criticisms.. I want to get better at this. Just came up with this while i was bored at work

MY SHADOW

Always busy, yet lifeless
You follow my every move, yet you're faceless
Without you, i find i'm hopeless
No one to take solace in and i feel so restless.

Though I look to you for comfort
Without you my heart might pump and burst forth
I am deeply moved by your courage and loyalty
As you follow my steps into every locality.

The sun shines so bright, it hurts like gall
Yet you are there to catch me just as i fall
But as the lights dim you fade away like smoke
And once again i'm that sad, lost and hopeless bloke.


cc.. texanomaly, laykorn, EverestDeBliu, gloriaz, LORDI, cisse7575

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covers face and runs out

I'm loving this poem! Very creative.

Its nice. I admire your imagination. Learn to put your 'I' in capital letter.

joseph1832:
Its nice. I admire your imagination. Learn to put your 'I' in capital letter.

Lol. I was so into the poem. I didn't even notice.

texanomaly:
I'm loving this poem! Very creative.

Woow! Really? Thanks bro. Y'all have been giving the inspiration

joseph1832:
Its nice. I admire your imagination. Learn to put your 'I' in capital letter.

Thanks man! I've taken note of that

joseph1832:
Its nice. I admire your imagination. Learn to put your 'I' in capital letter.

Thanks man! I've taken note of that Sometimes I hesitate to put most of what I imagine down cos I'm bothered people might not get the clear picture. I'm working on getting better at communicating clearly through writing and poetry. Any ideas to help me improve on this?..

Cc.. texanomaly

obiscolly:
Thanks man! I've taken note of that Sometimes I hesitate to put most of what I imagine down cos I'm bothered people might not get the clear picture. I'm working on getting better at communicating clearly through writing and poetry. Any ideas to help me improve on this?..

Cc.. texanomaly

If you want to become a better poet, read all the poetry you can get your hands on. Just reading good books on its own will help you gain a better and more extensive vocabulary. It will also build better grammar skills.

The more poetry you read, the more comfortable you will become. Attending the Nairaland poetry club classes will help too. Then practice, practice, practice.

Be sure to read your poem out loud. Listen to the way it sounds. Is there a better way of saying something so that it sounds better? Never be satisfied with your first draft. Set it aside. Then come back later and read it again.

Good luck

obiscolly:
Thanks man! I've taken note of that Sometimes I hesitate to put most of what I imagine down cos I'm bothered people might not get the clear picture. I'm working on getting better at communicating clearly through writing and poetry. Any ideas to help me improve on this?..

Just write what you feel, and observe the rule of punctuation.

Obiscolly, your the bomb. I just couldn't help not commenting on this, even though my bosses have done. Keep it up.
Ayamlaykorn

laykorn:
Obiscolly, your the bomb. I just couldn't help not commenting on this, even though my bosses have done. Keep it up.
Ayamlaykorn

Woow...seems I underestimated my abilities after all. Thank y'all for the encouragement and your lessons. I'm striving to do better.

obiscolly, pls I need some clarifications from you asap. my numbers is 08020824716. many thanks. its on Youwin. hope you would oblige.