hello nairalanders. I have been married for almost 3 years now. I noticed my wife never comes for it. I always do the asking especially affter our 1st child arrived. even when I come asking she forms tiredness although she enjoys the act but she never asks. I decided not to touch her in the last 2 weeks and shes not bothered. nw we just talk very formal and intimacy is out of the calculation cos I dont ask for it. I dont want to shoot outside my marriage but shes not helping maters. pls I need matured and honest advise. thanx...

Coding tinz


Wats wrong with you doin d asking anyway? A woman asks 4 it, u call her a wanton, when she doesnt, you complain. But u know u can always talk to her about it, right??

Why did you get tired of asking?

Maybe she's shy or she doesn't want to be seen as promiscuous

Bro you have to communicate this to her. Tell her how it makes you feel. Be open and discuss it with her.

She's your property.
Eat as you like

You ought to have known her by now to now the strategy to apply when you want to "tidy"
When she ask or not is no the issue...
Some people are like that...jst set the mood and there you go

Melahou:
She's your property.
Eat as you like

You ought to have known her by now to now the strategy to apply when you want to "tidy"
When she ask or not is no the issue...
Some people are like that...jst set the mood and there you go

How is she his property?

call4shola:
hello nairalanders. I have been married for almost 3 years now. I noticed my wife never comes for it. I always do the asking especially affter our 1st child arrived. even when I come asking she forms tiredness although she enjoys the act but she never asks. I decided not to touch her in the last 2 weeks and shes not bothered. nw we just talk very formal and intimacy is out of the calculation cos I dont ask for it. I dont want to shoot outside my marriage but shes not helping maters. pls I need matured and honest advise. thanx...

If you decide to 'shoot' outside your marriage, won't you be the one to still ask for it?

You are gradually killing your marriage for a matter so trivial.

Melahou:
She's your property.
Eat as you like

You ought to have known her by now to now the strategy to apply when you want to "tidy"
When she ask or not is no the issue...
Some people are like that...jst set the mood and there you go

Oh no, you didn't!

Keep on asking and it shall be given unto you.

Seriously, make sure you discuss this with her. Assure her that you wont look at her differently if she starts to demand for it. That you do like it or perhaps it turns you on when she does. You have to switch on the romantic side of you in order to switch on the romantic side of her. Make sure she is not stressed up because stress can switch off the buttons in a woman. Also childbirth reduces libido in some women so she may fall into this category. If she is overwhelmed with too much chores in the home especially chores of caring for the kids, better start being supportive and lessen the burden for her. When she is not stressed, its easy to set the mood for s.ex.

Op sorry.

Your wife may not just be bothered about sex, really. I know a woman who's always delighted when her husband does not ask for some. Though if I were her I would be worried by now thinking you're getting some from outside.

Nevertheless, she is your wife and you're her husband. You belong to each other so perform your conjugal right when and how you want. It doesn't matter if she asks or not. You're feeling itchy down there, tap madam and get down to business.


I understand that you want to feel loved and desired, hence your expectation but don't let it cause a strain in your marriage. If it bothers you so much, discuss it with her.

@op, talk to her about it. It might bruise your ego though but don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

2goodbobo:
Bro you have to communicate this to her. Tell her how it makes you feel. Be open and discuss it with her.

thanx. I communicated it a few times but she just feels it must come from me its a small Issue to her. she tells me its not food. she sees it as disturbance. I will continue to speak with her. I will talk about it tonight and just try to continue do the asking but I tell u 70 percent of the times I ask she says shes tired. her office work doesnt seem too stressful its not just her thing and did I mention I met her a V. I really love my wife just not satisfed in that aspect...

guess I have to handle it and tackle it asap...

Shooting outside because she doesn't ask yet gives when you do ? You are a potential cheater , work on your mind set, only then can you work on your marriage.



Oh ooo!!! You married a V, now you want an automatic porn star and you say they know what they want .

call4shola:
hello nairalanders. I have been married for almost 3 years now. I noticed my wife never comes for it. I always do the asking especially affter our 1st child arrived. even when I come asking she forms tiredness although she enjoys the act but she never asks. I decided not to touch her in the last 2 weeks and shes not bothered. nw we just talk very formal and intimacy is out of the calculation cos I dont ask for it. I dont want to shoot outside my marriage but shes not helping maters. pls I need matured and honest advise. thanx...

Both of you are playing mind games on each other.

You are trying to psychologically traumatize her into worrying, she on the other hand may have seen through it and is also psychologically frustrating you into wondering why she's not bothered.

The thing is your wife is that kind of woman who believes she is now doing you a favour by having sex with you, especially after your 1st kid arrived (as you noted) - the question now is, how long will you two keep acting like strangers?
Remember she is your wife, the woman you married...you owe it to each other to talk about these things and settle it once and for all, instead of playing this cat and mouse game of who-gets-tired-first.

kristen12:
Maybe she's shy or she doesn't want to be seen as promiscuous

does asking make a married woman look promiscous? shes asking her husband I just feel shes not the type that will ask. during the act she loves it I tell u. but it must just come from me.

thanx

It looks like many people find it easier to talk to their friends, hair dressers, Nlders than their spouse because this looks like something you just talk and mend. I don't get the threats and anger.

byvan:
Shooting outside because she doesn't ask yet gives when you do ? You are a potential cheater , work on your mind set, only then can you work in your marriage.



Oh ooo!!! You married a V, now you want an automatic porn star and you say they know what they want .

hey read posts very well before u respond if u have to. potential cheater isnt the issue here. I asked for matured opinions on how to solves to an issue pls dont complicate it. I never said I wanted an indecency star. pple sha.

itchy fingers i guess

marriages breaks when there is no communication please op u know your wife better than "us" communicate with her
my 40kobo contribution

call4shola:



hey read posts very well before u respond if u have to. potential cheater isnt the issue here. I asked for matured opinions on how to solves to an issue pls dont complicate it. I never said I wanted an indecency star. pple sha.

itchy fingers i guess

Have you edited the part you wrote about shooting outside? You are the one with the itchy fingers here, i mean does it sound reasonable to you that you married a virgin, yet you still nurture the idea of shooting outside because she doesn't ask,how much of sexual prowess do you expect a virgin to possess? Teach her how to ask, communicate in the right language and she will listen to you. I understand that you want to feel wanted too but you can't work on it with such thoughts as 'shooting ' outside .

obiak4:
marriages breaks when there is no communication please op u know your wife better than "us" communicate with her
my 40kobo contribution

thanx I will communicate it to her.

Some ladies after delivery have post partum depression which part of d symptoms is no interest in love making.
It's psychological.
Help her come around.
Who knows how pregnancy and child birth treated her.

Everything is not all about banging dear.
U can cuddle her and u two will sleep.
Women pass tru a lot when pregnant and giving birth but nature has made it that once u see ur baby, u officially forgot all u passed tru(not really so cos it may still be lurking at d back of ur mind.

So @op, go to work and stop complaining
And unless u don't know how to use ur sword, she should be d one yearning for u after u must have coached her well.
Goodluck.

@callforshola

Two weeks was too short, its like you dont know the average libido of women esp after birth. You should have made it six weeks only that konji go nearly kill u before then




Seriously though, this is a common thing in marriage. The woman's libido drops drastically after the first child. This sexual desert can last a month, two months, a year or even till the end of childbirth(maybe her 40s.) and it can be a terrible experience for the man. It is around this time most men face their first real temptation of infidelity/sleeping outside/playing away match. Most women don't know what men go through mentally and psychologically when we are deprived of sex for long periods after having gotten it regularly for some time. They are not wired to do so.



Ok. First, know that what is happening with your wife is perfectly normal. Talk to her about it and let her know how you feel, in a nice polite way of course. She has to throw in extra effort to have sex with you even if she doesn't feel like it, that's sacrifice on her part. As for you, this is where you have to be patient and tone down your sexuaI drive a bit. Give her space and time. She'll soon reboot. All the baby crying, breastfeeding, late nights cos baby cant sleep, bathing baby etc has been added to her normal duties of taking care of you and the house. It ain't easy. Sex is the last thing on her mind now.
But be patient. She'll soon pick up again.



All the best.

This @OP

Sophyrocks:
Keep on asking and it shall be given unto you.

Seriously, make sure you discuss this with her. Assure her that you wont look at her differently if she starts to demand for it. That you do like it or perhaps it turns you on when she does. You have to switch on the romantic side of you in order to switch on the romantic side of her. Make sure she is not stressed up because stress can switch off the buttons in a woman. Also childbirth reduces libido in some women so she may fall into this category. If she is overwhelmed with too much chores in the home especially chores of caring for the kids, better start being supportive and lessen the burden for her. When she is not stressed, its easy to set the mood for s.ex.

Or maybe she was raised to believe in total female sexual conservatism to the point that exhibiting interest in wanting a man sexually means she's loose and as such she must be the one to be chased and conquered.

If she grew up with that mindset as did many women, expecting to overcome her inhibitions and start unashamedly showing the wanton part of her (which in all honesty may have become totally suppressed) is unrealistic.

You don't learn to be left handed in old age.

You just gotta keep asking if you apply sophyrock's advice and it doesn't work.

Not all women ask for it but there are other ways the show they want it!
So you need to watch out for it

Another thing most men do not understand most women cherish tenderness and cuddling even more than than intimacy.

Are you the kind of man that only makes contact when he wants to go all the way or do you also touch, flirt and tease her?
The kind of man that just drives the car straight into the garage and then falls asleep?
Women want you to drive the car round the block a couple of times and then drive into the garage.

if she does not see it as something special then it is because you have not made it special for her.
So you need to maker some changes.

It starts in the morning when you leave the house- darling I love you and can`t wait to be back.
Call her from work or send an SMS or whatever- missing you baby.
Come home with a smile and hug her. Go to her stroke her, touch her, laugh with her and then she will warm up to you.
That is what turns a woman on.

5minsmadness:
@callforshola

Two weeks was too short, its like you dont know the average libido of women esp after birth. You should have made it six weeks only that konji go nearly kill u before then




Seriously though, this is a common thing in marriage. The woman's libido drops drastically after the first child. This sexual desert can last a month, two months, a year or even till the end of childbirth(maybe her 40s.) and it can be a terrible experience for the man. It is around this time most men face their first real temptation of infidelity/sleeping outside/playing away match. Most women don't know what men go through mentally and psychologically when we are deprived of sex for long periods after having gotten it regularly for some time. They are not wired to do so.



Ok. First, know that what is happening with your wife is perfectly normal. Talk to her about it and let her know how you feel, in a nice polite way of course. She has to throw in extra effort to have sex with you even if she doesn't feel like it, that's sacrifice on her part. As for you, this is where you have to be patient and tone down your sexuaI drive a bit. Give her space and time. She'll soon reboot. All the baby crying, breastfeeding, late nights cos baby cant sleep, bathing baby etc has been added to her normal duties of taking care of you and the house. It ain't easy. Sex is the last thing on her mind now.
But be patient. She'll soon pick up again.



All the best.

you have said it all bro. I apreciate ur honest opinion. nice 1..

cococandy:
Or maybe she was raised to believe in total female sexual conservatism to the point that exhibiting interest in wanting a man sexually means she's loose and as such she must be the one to be chased and conquered.

If she grew up with that mindset as did many women, expecting to overcome her inhibitions and start unashamedly showing the wanton part of her (which in all honesty may have become totally suppressed) is unrealistic.

You don't learn to be left handed in old age.

You just gotta keep asking if you apply sophyrock's advice and it doesn't work.

thanx sis

Very normal.

Because women are emotional creatures. . . NOT SEXUAL BEINGS!
I never do!
Sex becomes A CHORE after the first year of marriage or AFTER KIDS!!!!
Married women are too usually too tired to care about SEX!!!!
Especially, if it that is ALL the husbands have to offer!

Time for some 'hot' ashawo joints!

Please, feel freeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
All we really want is the MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE AND THE KIDS!
After that. . . YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN SIR!

No apologies!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGQz7knYBkI

Medunah:
Coding tinz


Wats wrong with you doin d asking anyway? A woman asks 4 it, u call her a wanton, when she doesnt, you complain. But u know u can always talk to her about it, right??

what nonsense!! Looks like you need to read that post above you again, and again, and again; before you sit back at your keyboard to comment

call4shola:


thanx. I communicated it a few times but she just feels it must come from me its a small Issue to her. she tells me its not food. she sees it as disturbance. I will continue to speak with her. I will talk about it tonight and just try to continue do the asking but I tell u 70 percent of the times I ask she says shes tired. her office work doesnt seem too stressful its not just her thing and did I mention I met her a V. I really love my wife just not satisfed in that aspect...

guess I have to handle it and tackle it asap...

You have every right to feel unsatisfied. After all, you both got married to each other; you are both driving this ship. Methinks she needs a serious lesson from a marriage counselor. They could attempt to reorient her wrapped mentality.