The Brouhaha about Marrying an Igbo Girl' By Lazarus Ogbonna

This is some topic that as a writer you're sandwiched between treating it either as a standalone essay or rather making it into a play and by so doing lighten the burden on it. But all the same, it is a matter that has to be addressed squarely, so everyone might understand properly. I have often times come across platforms in the media where the matter is thrown to the public by those who I believe knew nothing themselves about it. And so people go on saying stuffs about how Ndigbo do this and do that about marriages of their daughters or sisters; and then of course there would be rebuttals from Ndigbo in the media too, as an African adage says, only a bastard points to his father’s house with a left hand.
This is what had prompted me to write this piece. I want to say here that why I am not here to say I am the oldest man in Igbo land and therefore should be the final authority on this matter, I can authoritatively tell you of course that I do have a lot of elderly parents at home. My father is in his 70s and my grandmother is in her 90s; for me, those are as elderly as anyone can be in the present atmosphere we now live in. And I have taken time to make my inquiries from them.
As I said earlier, I have found people, especially people from other tribes and sometimes too even we Ndigbo complain about the high cost of marrying an Igbo girl. I am sorry about that misunderstanding. I am sorry because I am an Igbo man, and I feel responsible too for all the brouhaha about it. It is much ado about something, and that something being that a lot of people want to be married to an Igbo woman. Yes! That is a fact. And so when they approach for marriage and found they would not be getting married to the Igbo woman for free, they get angry and result to all the brouhaha I mentioned earlier.
Now you must not blame them. No. It is not a bad thing to want to mix with your blood. That is a noble thought. But then too, I am certain that when I am done explaining here today a lot of the people will understand the truth. And that truth is that marrying an Igbo woman is actually the cheapest of all marriages (in terms of how much you need to spend), if you did not include our Hausa-Fulani neighbours who seem to have no other requirements beyond being a Muslim. Now that is cultural difference, and every culture is contented and certified in its own very domain. And then again becoming a Muslim to marry a woman when you're not a Muslim is a demand more expensive than money can buy, more like given your soul over. But then like I said earlier, everyone with their own culture.
Before the Biafra war, marrying an Igbo woman was about the simplest thing anyone could do. Yes! Very simple! Let me tell you what Igbo tradition demanded for a woman to become your wife. And it is the same for every place in which the Igbo language is spoken, in any part of the country named Nigeria. If anyone tells you they have something different from those am about to say, then it is either such a fellow was speaking from an ignorant point of view or probably the fellow is no descent of Igbo.
If you want to marry an Igbo woman, this is all you're primarily required to bring once your in-laws to be have accepted you! This is all that the Igbo culture asks from any man who wishes to be married to any woman of Igbo descent.
1.   Four tubers of fine Yam
2.   A jar of palm wine
3.   Two hundred naira
That was how the Igbo culture stood before the civil war and that is how it is still standing as I am typing this to you. But then you and I know quite well that the dollars exchanged for a naira or two before the Biafra war; as against the current rate of almost to hundred naira for a dollar, which would have left our noble two hundred naira on our marriage list at just one dollar, which of course your wife to be would necessarily be provoked that she is only worth a single dollar to you.
Now let me explain the above list to you. Yes it is just four tubers of yam, though the yam has to be very fine, in fact the best of your farm produce or probably you purchase them from the market but then however you got them, simply make certain they are clean and big and attractive. The jar of palm wine is simply about twenty litres of palm wine. The old jar is not as rampant as they were in those days but they're still available, and of course your palm wine doesn’t have to be in the jar if you could not find one, but then that is the measure of wine that is demanded for marriage. Now on our noble two hundred naira; let me add that even then if one could not get up to two hundred naira he would still be accepted with how much he’s got so long as the in-laws have agreed to accept him.
Ok! Let us now navigate to how our little marriage demands have been subjected to various metamorphosis that have now led to all that brouhaha about marrying an Igbo girl which I mentioned. Like I said, many people of other tribes and regions of our culturally continental Nigeria want to end up with an Igbo girl as their wife, and like I said it is a noble thought. And like I promised all, I will explain to all how simple it is to marry an Igbo girl.
After the civil war, Ndigbo lost much to the war. That we all know. We fought well, but we lost, due to the fact that there were more against us than with us. And yet if ever there was a reincarnation I would always return as Onye Igbo. There was little left after the war and so Ndigbo had to rely on their sheer industriousness to heal the wounds of the war. Life was hard but each and every family left alive had to survive and return themselves previous status before the war. There was little and so whatever anyone had was looked upon as means of recovery. This was how the cost of marriage began to be affected by the vicissitudes of the aftermaths of the war.
Thus our noble two hundred naira became one thousand naira. And of course the general situation in Nigeria itself at large then wasn’t favourable at all as there were inflations and the rest of the economic woes after the war. But in all, Ndigbo felt it all the most as the war was fought in our very soil. So like I said, our paltry two hundred became one thousand and then two thousand and it kept going. And I must say it was never done to victimise anyone, but rather for two reasons. The first reason was to recover from the economic woes that came with the war and the other reason was that at that very period in time marriage was the only thing left to bring smile to the faces of every family. And so it was expected that anywhere marriage was held the fortunes of that family must be improved upon because marriage like I said was all that was left to keep the people happy. That was why we began to say such sayings as ‘Ogo bu chi onye’ meaning, in-laws are like gods. In fact, it is one of the reasons that till this moment in all Igbo lands in-laws are highly respected. Highly regarded because they are seen as God sent—to wipe away the tears and sorrows of the war.
Then after the post war times, the fortunes of Ndigbo improved greatly. The hard work and sheer industriousness of Igbo young men and women, who all left home after the war, began to yield financial dividends thus creating a semi middle class amongst Ndigbo. This financial boom created competition amongst the young men who wanted to show how well of they have become financially. And that competition was what had led to the present day high cost, as some would call it, of marrying an Igbo woman. But the truth remains that what Igbo tradition actually demanded for marrying a woman are those three that I have so listed above. And no person of Igbo extraction would tell you that Igbo tradition demanded otherwise.
This is twenty first century as we all are aware and so a lot of things must necessary change with the times. Of course the Igbo culture has not changed and will not change; the only thing is that culture like people is also dynamic. People’s culture moves with the tides and waves of each moment in the history of the people, and these moves are actually orchestrated by the people themselves. So that has been how we arrived at the situation whereby your friend spent five hundred thousand marrying his wife, and you also were as rich as your friend then it then behoove on you to either do as your friend did or even more. But then if you're not as rich as your friend and your wife to be and her family actually wanted you as an in-laws then I would tell you categorically that you would be married with less than what your friend had spent. It is as simple as that!
On the other hand, let me state categorically here that there is no kind of marriage you would do in this country or anywhere in the world that you would not spend more than a million naira—and that is if you're rich and do not intend showing off.
So let it be noted that exactly what you spend in marrying anywhere else, that you would spend in marrying anywhere in Igbo land. The only thing that would determine any difference would be how rich you are and how acceptable you're to your would be in-laws. Those are the only thing that would determine whether your marriage was expensive or otherwise.


Please don’t go to anyone’s house with those primary items as listed above and say you're asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage. This is the twenty first century; you have to prove yourself worthy and capable of taking care of a woman. But that of course, does not translate to you going above your reach. It simply means you have to show some prove of capability, and that is after you have found yourself accepted.

only a greedy and poor family ask for more than the tradition demands from a suitor.

the bride to be is not for sale , the traditional marriage is kind of a graduation ceremony from spinsterhood to womanhood and shouldn't require the world.

Cool