Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants (!) explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.Their branch in northern Nigeria are however not bothered.They have argued that the living standard as well as working condition in the west has not always been the same with Nigeria.Insisting that they can even continue with less than 54 virgins per suicide bomber.Their spokesman Mr.Lai Muhammeed however told newsmen that the association executives will be holding meeting in coming days to proffer a solution to the scarcity of virgins in janna.The leader of the Nigerian branch is not named but he is 72 years old and a politician

chuksonu:
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants (!) explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.Their branch in northern Nigeria are however not bothered.They have argued that the living standard as well as working condition in the west has not always been the same with Nigeria.Insisting that they can even continue with less than 54 virgins per suicide bomber.Their spokesman Mr.Lai Muhammeed however told newsmen that the association executives will be holding meeting in coming days to proffer a solution to the scarcity of virgins in janna.The leader of the Nigerian branch is not named but he is 72 years old and a politician

Chuksonu if you wrote the above paragraphs yourself, you are nothing short of a comedic genius, qualified to command BIG money for your writing skill, if that is not already the case.

The passages I highlighted in boldface got me belly-laughing like a loony, I chit you not.

Now, between you and I and a few thousand online punters, did you or did you not write the above passage ?

Before you respond, be advised that I can spot a liar from time-zones away, and I will see to it that you are ostracized from the internet for 7 long years, if you are ultimately UNMASKED as an impostor, who merely cut-and-pasted the above master-work of contemporary satire.

I wish I was a muslim, I for first collect ma virgins here on earth before I commit suicide. Islam is a comic religion, muhammed promised dem eternal e*rection if dhe commit suicide and d 72 virgins bobby will never fall . If a film on d prophet is done, it will be sweeter dan spartacus.